Regaining Love
by SD130413
Summary: With Elliot gone Olivia's been feeling lost but when Dean Porter shows up she thinks she loves him and accepts his apology, will Elliot realize what he's missing before it's too late? Eventual E/O
1. Chapter 1

**Got a bit of writers block with all my other stories and should be doing school work but I was watching or listening to the episode where Dean Porter left and this story came into my head and I had to start it straight away. **

**So starts off as Dean and Olivia but becomes Elliot and Olivia, you'll love it ... I hope! **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

Chapter one

Olivia sat back in her desk chair absentmindedly playing with the Semper Fi medallion around her neck. She was unaware of her new partner watching her from the desk opposite. The footsteps behind her didn't do much to draw her attention either, not till she heard the voice calling her name.

"Olivia."

She spun round her mouth wide open and her eyes wide in shock.

"D-Dean ... What... What are you doing here?" She asked getting to her feet.

He stepped closer to her and smiled gently but she just stood and stared her mouth still open in horror. Amaro came to her side but she didn't notice. Fin however, knew the man stood in front of her and he was ready to step in if Olivia needed him.

"I wanted to talk to you." He replied.

"Talk to me?" She asked in a near whisper.

The scene had caught the attention of Munch who'd come to stand beside Fin also ready to step in if the Detective needed him.

"I don't like how we left things 'Livia. I'm back in Manhattan on a more permanent basis, I didn't want to run into you by accident, I couldn't do that to you." He explained shakily.

"Couldn't do that to me?" She couldn't even put together a sentence of her own.

Amanda Rollins walked into the bullpen from behind Dean ready to say something but when she saw everyone in the room staring at the stranger and Olivia she stopped and watched too.

"Can we go somewhere where we don't have an audience?" He asked nervously looking around Don Cragen had joined them now too.

"What?" Olivia asked her eyebrows rising in surprise.

"Livia..."

"Don't you dare." She said her voice shaking as she shook her head.

"Liv..."

"Don't." Olivia replied turning away and placing her head in her hands as she tried to calm her racing thoughts.

He reached out and gently placed his hand on her shoulder but she shrugged away violently and took a deep shaky breath before turning to face him again.

"Why did you come here?" She asked him, her voice low and threatening.

"Please not here Livia." He replied shaking his head his eyes glistening with sadness.

"No Dean, answer me, why did you come here?" She asked her voice still low, still threatening but shaking with a cry that was being held back.

"I needed to see you Livia, not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about you." He explained his shoulders showing how defeated he was.

"You think I stopped thinking about you?" She asked. "You think a single day has gone by where I don't think of you?"

"No..."

"Do you even remember the last thing you said to me? Or the last thing I said to you?" She asked the tears coming ever closer to the surface.

"No." He replied shaking his head weakly.

Olivia couldn't stop her hand from flying up and smacking him straight across the face with an open palm.

"Bastard." She spat.

No one moved to stop her, not even the two Detectives who didn't know Dean Porter and what he had done, they could see by the other peoples reaction that the man deserved that smack.

"Livia please?" He replied as his hand cupped his stinging cheek.

"Go Dean, please go." She pleaded her voice now trembling.

"Livia I can't do that, not till you've heard me out, please I'm begging you." He whispered desperately.

She stood there her mouth wide open somewhere between a laugh and a cry as she tried to figure out what to say to him.

"I'm so sorry for what happened Olivia but I can't fight this anymore, it kills me, everyday it's killed me remembering what I did to you." He explained.

"Kills you?" She asked the tears prominent in her eyes now. "You know what keeps going through my mind Dean? When you shot that gun towards him, when he held a gun to my head did you even consider the possibility of hitting me? Or me becoming collateral damage from his gun firing in his hand as your bullet hit?" Olivia asked. "Did my life matter to you or that moment or just your case?" She spat both her hands clashing into his chest knocking him back a step.

"Livia, please, of course I was thinking of you. When I shot my gun... killing the bastard with his gun to your head was all that mattered to me." He replied. "When Stabler held you I wanted to pick you up and hold you tight I could see how shaken you were and I just wanted to hold you."

"Hold me? You shot and were inches away from shooting me! You could have caused my death!" She spat angrily.

"Livia please don't I haven't been able to forget that moment, do you know how much times I've replayed that scene over and over but the bullet hits you and I lose you forever?" He asked desperately.

"You didn't give me much consideration when you walked out of here with a murderer though did you." She hissed.

"That's unfair Olivia it was work. I was just doing what I had to do, it was a ..."

"Matter of national security I know." Olivia replied. "You still don't know what the last thing you said to me was? It's what made me move on from you."

"I don't remember Olivia." He replied.

"You said our feelings didn't matter!" She screamed. "You said our feelings didn't matter seconds after I told you I trusted you!"

He grabbed the wrists that had begun hammering at his chest and her head fell forward in wracked sobs.

"I'm so sorry Olivia. Please believe me I am so sorry." He whispered as her hands dropped down and wrapped around his back.

"You left me." She cried. "You left me after I let you in."

"I know. I haven't been able to forgive myself for what I did." He whispered as he held her, one hand on her back one stroking her hair as he kissed the top of her head.

"You left." She whispered weakly.

"I didn't want to, every day I wanted to come back and tell you how much I love you Olivia, I haven't stopped loving you." He whispered.

Everyone in the room just stared at the scene that had unfolded in front of them. It had gone from anger to frustration to heartbreak to confessions of love in minutes. Fin, Munch and Cragen shared a knowing look while Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins just looked confused.

"I've got you Livia, and I'm not going anywhere." Dean whispered as he soothed her tears.

She was hysterical, it wasn't just because Dean had come back, she'd lost Dean and that was hard enough but then she'd lost the person who'd held her together after he left and now Dean was back and she knew if she'd had Elliot she'd have told Dean where to go but without him to make her strong she realised how much she'd missed Dean Porter the FBI agent who'd broken her heart.

"Captain Cragen can I take her from here?" Dean asked calling over to the aging Captain.

"Only if she wants to go with you." He replied shoving his hands in his pockets and breathing in making his chest bigger.

"Livia come on let me get you out of here." He whispered.

She could only nod so he grabbed her coat and wrapped it round her shoulders.

"I'll bring her back." He replied knowing the Detectives wouldn't rest unless they saw her again.

Cragen nodded and he could only watch as Dean Porter led a still sobbing Olivia out of the room.

The squad room stayed silent for a few minutes trying to process what they had just witnessed.

"Ok someone going to tell me why I've just witness my partner smack a man then crumble in his arms?" Amaro finally asked breaking the silence.

"That was FBI Agent Dean Porter." Cragen replied.

"Ok?" Amaro asked still none the wiser.

"Dean Porter was Olivia's case agent when she went undercover to try and bring down some eco-terrorist organisation, turned out they had her with the wrong group and then they ended up working a sex crime together before she came back. He did her some favours when her brother was accused of rape, her brother went on the run and Olivia gave him some money helping him skip bail and Dean Porter help her out, he also hid to stop him being served with a subpoena so she didn't have to appear in court where it would have come out that she helped a known felon skip bail but she ended up handing herself over to IAB and getting suspended anyway. They fell for each other, they hid it well but we all knew they did, Stabler knew that he was no good for her and tried to keep them apart by acting like a jealous ass but then on that same case Olivia was held at gun point and I mean literally in the temple and uh ... well Dean Porter shot from a distance got the perp but Olivia was shaken for a while after and then she invited him over to her place for dinner while Elliot and Morales hid in her bedroom getting information from his phone ... she admitted she was making out with him when I called to catch him, she even admitted that she didn't want to answer the phone and catch him red handed, I was ordered to let him and the killer walk out the back door as it was a matter of national security, Olivia never really got over it." Cragen explained as fully as he possibly could knowing that Olivia would never tell her partner and Rollins but they would have found out by other means if they tried.

"Wow." Amaro replied his hand rubbing his chin in thought.

"Yeah, Olivia fell in love and that love left her, the last thing she said to him was 'I trusted you.'." I was stood behind the two way watching in and I'll never forget her turning to the two way and looking through it, like she could see me there, she was broken." Cragen explained his heart almost breaking just remembering.

"So why she gone with him?" Rollins asked stepping forward.

"Olivia never stopped loving him." Munch replied honestly.

"That was obvious." Rollins laughed weakly. "So what do you think will happen now?"

"They'll talk." Cragen replied. "Olivia will make a decision, hopefully it will be the right one."

"And what is the right decision Cap?" Amaro asked feeling very protective over his partner.

"Which ever one Olivia makes." He replied before stalking off into his office.

The four detectives looked around at each other, all of them thinking about the female detective they knew for being strong, a voice for victims and an all round kindred spirit who they'd just witness fall to pieces in front of their eyes.

"I swear if Porter hurts baby girl again I'll have his balls on a chopping block." Fin spat, Olivia was like a sister to him and he wasn't going to watch her get hurt again.

"You'll have to get to him before me." Amaro replied.

"Oh come on guys can we at least wait and see what decision Olivia makes first? She might tell him to get lost and we won't have to worry but if she takes him back then we have to just make sure he isn't going to hurt her again." Rollins replied knowing the men were becoming over protective before needing to.

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Dean and Olivia sat on the couch in her apartment in silence, the last time they'd been sat here they'd passionately made out while they stitched each other up in the process. Dean looked at her, he didn't know what was going through her mind because her tear streaked face was cold and indifferent.

"Olivia..." He began but she put her hand up to stop him.

"Why did you come back?" She asked weakly without even looking at him.

"A promotion came up and when I saw it would land me a permanent job here in Manhattan I applied for it." He explained.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because it meant I could come and see you and hopefully give us another chance." He replied honestly.

"There never was an 'us' Dean, not really." She replied her head slowly turning till her dark brown eyes latched onto his.

"I wanted there to be, want there to be, more than anything in the world Olivia." He replied gently. "The promotion I've been offered will require me to work closely with SVU, it's to bring in rape as federal cases but I won't take it unless you want me to." He told her.

"So are you only talking to me because you want this promotion?" She asked needing to hear the truth from him.

"I'm only taking this promotion if it means I can talk to you, I don't want this promotion not as much as I want you Olivia, I don't know if you heard me at the precinct but I love you Olivia, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how much I love you and how much I hurt you when I left." He explained reaching over and taking her hand in his own.

"You left." She whispered her voice cracking again. "You left me."

"I didn't want to." He replied his own eyes sparkling with tears.

"Then why did you?" She asked. "And don't tell me it was a matter for national security, tell me the real reason."

"The agents that would have been killed had they been found out, well one of them was my partner years ago, one of my closest friends and I couldn't ... it would have been the same if it had been Stabler, you'd have sacrificed me for Stabler." He tried to explain.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Don't apologise Liv." He whispered wiping the tear dripping down her cheek with his thumb.

"I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to trust you again." She explained fingering the medallion around her neck again at the thought of what Elliot had promised her by giving it to her.

He bought her hand to his mouth and dropped a gentle kiss on it before rubbing it with his thumb.

"Unless you ask me too Livia, I'm not going anywhere, ever again." He promised.

She looked at him. She believed him, and as much as she wanted to tell him to go and leave her alone and never come back again she couldn't because she believed him or she needed to believe him.

"Dean!" She sobbed throwing her arms around him.

His tears couldn't be blinked back anymore as he wrapped her arms tight around her pulling her into his lap and holding her tight as they both sobbed hard.

"I'm so sorry Olivia, I'm so sorry I will never ever hurt you again and I won't let anyone hurt you either, ever. I love you Livia, I love you more than words will ever be able to say and I'll never let you go." He cried as he pressed his temple into her head as he rocked her gently.

"I love you too Dean." She cried.

He squeezed his eyes shut as his heart almost jumped out of his chest, he'd only ever dreamed of hearing her saying those words.

"I've missed you so much." She whispered as she pulled away wiping her tears. "I ... you're really here." She smiled her hands cupping his tear ridden face.

"I'm really here Olivia and God knows I'm going nowhere."

She dropped her forehead to his and closed her eyes wanting to make sure she wasn't dreaming, she'd dreamt of this moment over and over again especially since Elliot had left and dropped off the face of the earth.

"God I've missed you." She whispered before dropping her lips and latching on to his.

He didn't hesitate in latching his right back.

"Oh my Olivia ... I've ... God I've missed you." He mumbled in between the latching and dropping of their kisses.

She pulled away and smiled at him.

"I need to go back to the one six and start explaining myself." Olivia laughed weakly.

"Does that have to be now?" He asked wanting to just hold her for a while.

"You promised you'd take me back." Olivia shrugged gently. "Sooner we go back the sooner we can leave."

"Ok come on I'll take you back and WE'LL go and talk to the squad." He replied before giving her a peck on the tip of her nose making her smile.

**This isn't going to be a very long ff but it came into my head and I couldn't resist starting it. xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

Chapter Two

Olivia and Dean walked through the bullpen hand in hand straight for the Captain's Office, she looked at her co-workers as she passed and they all seemed relieved to see her looking happy again. She knocked on the office door and waited for Cragen's voice to beckon them inside.

"Hey Captain." She smiled going inside still holding onto Dean's hand.

"Olivia. Dean." He nodded greeting the pair.

"I'm sorry about how I left earlier." She said more than a little embarrassed with the way she'd broken down in Dean's arms.

"That's ok Olivia. So did you talk?" He asked guessing they had considering both of them looked so happy.

"We did and we're going to see where it goes." Olivia replied looking at Dean the love emulating from both of their eyes when they connected.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it." Cragen lied, he'd never really cared for Dean Porter the FBI agent and after the way he'd left it with Olivia he'd hated the man.

"I'm sorry about how things were left Don." Dean nodded as if he could read Cragen's thoughts.

"No problem." Cragen replied quickly. "Olivia why don't you get out of here for the rest of the day and spend some time with Dean, I'll call you if we need you."

"Thank you." She smiled feeling grateful to Cragen for his support.

"Yes thank you." Dean replied before allowing Olivia to lead him out.

"I just need to get a couple of things from my desk." She smiled having allowed Dean to take her with just her coat earlier she'd left behind her purse and files.

He waited uncomfortably for her to get her things, he could feel ever eye in the room watching him and sizing him up, eventually Fin came over to shake his hand.

"You hurt her, you'll have me to deal with." Fin said gripping Dean's hand tight in a threatening manner.

"I don't plan on hurting her ever again." Dean replied trying not to look threatened by Fin.

"Fin." Olivia warned seeing how hard he was gripping Dean even though she was grateful to him for being so protective over.

"So Livia are you not going to introduce me to your partner?" He asked looking of at Nick.

"Oh yeah Nick Amaro, Agent Dean Porter FBI, Dean that's Detective Nick Amaro." She said before double checking she had the right files.

Nick came from behind his desk and shook Dean's hand to greet him, but he also gave a look that warned if he hurt Olivia it wouldn't just be Fin the Agent would have to deal with.

"Right come on Dean." Olivia smiled.

He took the files from her arm and turned back to the squad room.

"Good to see you all again." He nodded before allowing Olivia to take his hand and lead him out.

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They went back to Olivia's apartment together, Dean was still looking for somewhere in the city to buy so he'd been staying in a hotel curtsey of the FBI.

"So why don't you tell me a little more about this promotion of yours." Olivia smiled as she poured them both a glass of wine.

"Well the FBI want to tackle sex crimes which have a twist of hate crime, there was an ADA I think she worked with you lot ... her name was Kym Greyleck..."

"Yeah she worked with us ... the crusader." Olivia laughed at the self proclaimed nickname Kym had told them about.

"Well she pitched the idea to the feds and they liked the idea, so they've put an FBI agent to work within the NYPD to help bring sex crimes in as hate crimes." He explained.

"So who gets the case when it goes to court?" Olivia asked.

"It would still be the DA's office but the feds would then prosecute the hate crime separately if deemed necessary." He explained as they went over to the couch.

"So you're going to be doing what exactly?" Olivia asked finding work a comfortable topic.

"Kicking your ass to solve cases with a twist of hate crime." He laughed. "I've been asked to be stationed with the Manhattan Special Victims Unit."

"Oh so you're going to be working with us?" She asked.

"I am." He nodded making her smile.

"So even if I said I'd never want to see you again I'd still have to see you ever day?" She asked half laughing at the thought.

"No, had you said you'd never want to see me again I would turn down the job offer even though the pay is better and I would get to see you ever day." He smiled slipping a hand onto her cheek.

"So are you going to be stationed at the one six?" She asked.

"Mainly, but I will have my own office in federal plaza too." Dean replied.

"Oh."

"But I'll hardly ever be there." He shrugged.

"How come?" Olivia asked oblivious to the way he was smiling at her.

"Because you won't be there." He smiled making her laugh. "Now let me take you out to dinner."

"Can we order in Dean? It's nice just being here with you." She smiled rubbing her cheek into the hand still on her cheek.

"Of course. I'm content with doing whatever you want to do." He smiled.

She looked at him. They were sat in almost the exact position they had been when they'd first kissed. She reached an arm over in the exact same way as she had before and led them both into an earth shattering kiss.

"I've missed you." He whispered as they lips broke momentarily before latching on again.

Olivia's heart hammered inside her chest. The touch of him on her lips spent sparks raging through her body, the only sound other than that of their latching lips was the sound of their beating heart drumming, pulsating, sending the warm blood shooting through their body. The taste of him, both sweet and sour as their kiss deepened. The arousal thick in the air, the smell of it, sending them both to wanting more from each other. His lips, both soft and firm connecting against her own until they had to come apart for air. Their foreheads fell onto each others, covered in perspiration from their making out while they both closed their eyes and smiled at each other.

"I've missed that." He laughed softly.

"We only did it once." She replied.

"Once was enough to make me want more." He smiled honestly.

She smiled, she wasn't sure what she was feeling, need, want, desire, love? It was tough, she thought she loved Dean, she was almost certain of it, but she couldn't say there wasn't doubt in her heart.

**Ok So I've already written the chapter where Elliot returns ... I think it's perfect ... you're all going to hate me though because it's going to take a while to get there! **


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**I will warn you that what happens in this chapter is so UNREALISTIC but a reminder that this is FICTION which means it's a FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION. Thank you! :D**

Chapter Three

When Olivia woke the next morning she took a moment to remember whose arms were wrapped around her. Her movements woke Dean up and he smiled at her before leaning in for a gentle morning kiss.

They hadn't planned on waking up together, they had spoken into the early hours of the morning and Olivia decided she wanted to fall asleep in his arms, they were moving quickly but she didn't care and neither did he.

"Good morning." He smiled.

"It is." She smiled back leaning over him and kissing him again.

"Wow I could get used to this." Dean beamed before kissing her again.

"I hope you can." She laughed gently before kissing him deeper this time.

They spent a few minutes sharing light kisses and then Olivia lay her head on his bare chest. He stroked his finger gently across her arm as she drew patterns on his muscular chest.

"I'm so glad you're here." Olivia whispered gently.

"I'm glad I'm here too." Dean replied.

She snuggled her cheek into his chest and listened to his heart beating under her head.

"I really did miss you." She said.

"I missed you too." He replied wrapping his arms around her.

She relaxed into his embrace enjoying the comfort he was bringing her.

"Let me take you to dinner tonight." He said after a few minutes silence.

"You want to go to dinner?" She asked turning to look at him, leaning with her arms crossed on his chest.

"Yeah, I want to take you out to a five star restaurant and treat you the way you deserve to be treated." He smiled.

"Ok." She smiled. "I'd like that."

"I'll pick you up at eight?" He asked.

"Sure, but right now we have to get ready for work." She laughed gently.

He gave her a little squeeze before releasing her so she could climb out of bed. He sat up and watched her, admiring her ever curve, her ample breasts, and long legs. She saw him watching and flashed a smile at him before disappearing into the bathroom.

As he pulled his shirt from the hanger Olivia had hung it on the night before his mind was with the woman behind the closed door. He'd dreamt of coming back and telling her what she meant to him but finally doing so and hearing that she wanted him just as much wasn't the way his dreams had ended as they'd always turned into a nightmare where she either told him to leave or shot him either way they were scary outcomes. All he could do now was treat her the way she deserved to be treated like the woman he loved and hope that she genuinely did love her as much as he did.

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Dean dropped Olivia off at the precinct before heading to work himself, he was in a very good mood, he had convinced himself that Olivia would turn him away and tell him to go to hell and now he had slept in her bed and held her as she slept. He couldn't believe his luck, he did love her thought of that he was sure. He was smiling happily as he turned into the car park and was even more happy when he found out he would have to go to the one six at some point in the day.

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Olivia sat at her desk blowing on her coffee but her mind was elsewhere, she was slowly planning what she was going to wear for her date with Dean that evening when Cragen called her into the office. Sighing, she placed her coffee down and went to see what he could possibly want from her.

"Take a seat Olivia." He smiled gently.

Olivia nodded and took one of the empty seats in front of the desk. She patiently waited for him to say something as he was currently looking over Olivia's face.

"Did you have a good evening?" He asked her making her withdraw in surprise.

"Uh, I did. Thanks." She replied unsure what he was going with.

"Good, I'm glad. The reason I wanted to see you was well I'm sure Dean has told you he's going to be working with SVU."

"Yeah of course." Olivia replied. "Why is that going to be a problem Captain?"

"Well not if you and Dean can behave yourselves no. The reason I wanted to talk with you was because Federal Plaza has requested you to be partnered with Dean, don't worry though I didn't disclose the nature of your relationship." Cragen explained.

"What you want me to be partnered with Dean?" Olivia asked thinking it would be nice to work with him.

"I don't. I'd prefer you stick with Nick but the Feds have requested you with One PP and they told me that I didn't have an option." Cragen replied honestly.

"Ok, I've worked with Dean before and we work well together." Olivia told him remembering back to the first case that she'd ever worked with Dean where they were partners, in sync with each other every step of the way, where she had shown him exactly that detective she was, the moments she started to fall in love with him.

"There's more." Cragen began and Olivia was pulled from her train of thought and her eyes latched on to Cragen's waiting for him to tell her. "You're ... Olivia you're getting a promotion."

Olivia's mouth fell wide open, she'd never expected to be more than a senior detective and hearing that she was being promoted not only excited her but scared her too, with promotion came more responsibility.

"Wow." She managed to say. "Ok."

"Well it's a complex promotion but there is a pay rise." Cragen smiled a little and Olivia frowned at her superior unsure where he was going with this.

"Well?" She asked wanting mainly to know what she was being promoted too.

"You're being promoted to the FBI." He explained Olivia's mouth fell wide open.

"What?" She gasped.

"Sort of, it's complicated, you'll still be with the NYPD but you are being asked to go on a course and have some special agent training and you'll be able to work outside the state should a case take you there and you won't be Detective Benson any more you'll be Special Agent Benson." He explained having barely grasped the complicated nature of the promotion.

"I'm confused will I be working for the feds?" She asked.

"Yes and no, you'll still be working for the NYPD but the Feds will be paying a percentage of your wage packet." He replied but the picture on Olivia's face told him she was none the wiser. "You're going to be doing the same job as Dean Porter, working sex crimes with SVU but you'll be on par with Dean, you'll both have the same title, same shield, same job expectations." He explained.

"Why?" Olivia asked the news not sinking in yet.

"The feds don't think you and Dean could work with each other unless you're equals and apparently it seems they're on to a big case that's going to involve Manhattan SVU that is going to involve a lot of work over in New Jersey and surrounding states, you're going to be spending a lot of time out on the road." He tried to explain further but it looked like it was going in one of Olivia's ears and straight out of the other.

"But what if I don't want to?" She whispered her eyes darting to the floor.

"What do you mean?" He frowned barely hearing her and definitely not understanding her.

"What if I want to stay here and be Detective Benson? I've never had any aspirations of going Federal." She explained knowing he was confused by her statement.

"It's not really an option Olivia." He whispered back.

"What?" She asked in shock.

"Brass says if you don't take it there's no place here for you." He explained regaining some of his voice.

"Oh, oh ok so what now?" She asked knowing there was no way she was leaving the squad.

"You need to go over to Federal Plaza, you'll be given a new gun and shield, Federal issues of course and then they'll tell you everything from there." He shrugged.

"I'm lost, when do I need to go to Federal Plaza?" She asked feeling more confused now than she did earlier.

"You're meeting the director at ten." He explained. "On your return I'll need your gun and shield." He sighed heavily.

"Oh ok." She nodded unable to hide the emotion in her voice, her NYPD gun and Shield had been her life, a part of her for so long departing with them was going to be difficult.

"You should get going, you don't want to be late." He replied nodding his head towards the clock behind her.

"Yeah. I'll see you when I get back." She smiled getting to her feet and quickly heading to the door.

"Olivia ..." He stopped her and slowly she turned to look at him. "Congratulations." He smiled.

"Thank you Captain." She nodded before rushing out, only one person in mind that she wanted to tell who probably already knew.

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Olivia had tried in vain to call Dean, she knew he was probably busy and three messages and ten missed calls was enough of a hint that she wanted to speak with him. As she pulled up outside Federal Plaza she wondered how this meeting was going to go as well as the hundred other questions that circulated her mind mainly why on earth she was being promoted and who had demanded for it in such a manner she'd been told if she didn't take it she'd have to leave SVU. Nervously she exited the car and made her way to the front desk.

"Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit, I'm here to see the Director and my appointment's at ten." She explained and she noticed as she reeled off the details a smile formulated on the receptionists face.

"I was told to send you up to Special Agent Porter's office." She replied smiling brightly at Olivia.

"Where is that?" Olivia replied wondering who had requested her to Dean's office first.

"Third floor, second door on your right." She explained nodding her head towards the elevators.

"Thank you." She replied giving a polite smile before nervously heading off.

Once the elevator doors were closed she tapped her foot nervously with so many thoughts rushing through her mind. The most important one being a hope that she could embrace and kiss Dean and speak with him briefly before speaking with the director.

When the elevator pinged and the door opened she nervously ran her hand down the front of her navy blue sweater before stepping out into the wide sunlit corridor. She walked down and found the door to Dean's office, his name emblazoned on a gold plaque.

Special Agent D. Porter Sex Crimes

She smiled when she read it, taking a moment to be impressed before realising she had to knock on the door. Her trembling hand racked lightly and she heard Dean's familiar voice beckon her inside.

"Ah Detective Benson!" He stood from the large oval table and realised he wasn't the only person in the room.

"Agent Porter." She nodded her head in greeting.

"Detective I'd like to introduce you to Co-Directors Frazer and Cook." He explained as she walked towards them.

"Lovely to meet you." Frazer smiled as she shook his hand and took a moment to take in his rectangular physique, grey military hair cut and pin stripe Armani suit.

"Welcome Detective." Collins nodded as she took his hand in her own trying to hide how much she was trembling as she tried to make something of the short rounding man with brown but greying number three shaved hair cut and Dolce and Gabbana navy suit.

"Detective please take a seat." Dean smiled his hand signalling the chair opposite the three men which she rushed to nervously realising that it was straight into business.

"Ok Detective, I believe your Captain filled you in on the nature of our meeting." Dean smirked knowing his superiors couldn't see him.

She just nodded, her throat felt scratchy and dry and she was so nervous she was convinced her voice would fail her.

"Good. Then I believe we should get started ..."

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Olivia and Dean walked into the one six side by side their steps in complete sync as they laughed about the morning's events, she could sense the detectives around her staring but she didn't acknowledge them as she walked to the Captain's office and knocking lightly on the door.

"Come in!" Cragen called from his position behind his desk where he'd spent the morning filling in paperwork. "Ah Olivia ... Dean." His enthusiasm vanished when he saw Olivia coming to see him with Dean Porter, he wanted to share this moment with her without the intrusion.

"Hey." She smiled coming over and laying her gun and shield down on the desk.

"Well?" He asked and she pulled the gun from her hip as well as the new Federal Shield and handed them over to her Captain.

"Wow Olivia, this is quite something." He smiled before returning the items. "I see that you'll still have the same shield number." He explained knowing his detectives shield numbers by heart.

"Yeah, I wonder how they knew?" She asked raising her eyebrows towards Dean.

"Happy coincidence." He joked knowing that she knew he had a hand in it as he had the whole promotion.

"Well Special Agent Benson, congratulations." He smiled. "What do you have to do now?"

"I have to go on some lame course ..." She winked at Dean who chuckled a little from his position leaning against the window. "I also need to take some personal belongings to my second office." She smiled, that had been the best surprise of all.

"Second office?" Cragen asked realising he wasn't going to be seeing as much of Olivia anymore, as much as she would be working SVU cases, she wasn't his detective anymore, she was a federal agent now.

"Yeah, because of the secrecy surrounding some of the cases we'll be working, and they'll be need to know I have an office down at Federal Plaza, it will mainly be to do and file paperwork though." Olivia replied more hoping that was all it was going to be more than knowing.

"Oh right." Don Cragen replied the disappointment he was feeling hidden well in both voice and face.

"The cases we'll be working will be need to know only Don, you'll know the ins and outs as will I and Olivia but the Detectives will know what they need to know only." Porter explained knowing that both Olivia and Cragen were starting to realise the true extent of what they would be doing.

"Sure." Cragen replied.

"Dean can you give us a moment?" She asked knowing she needed time alone with her Captain, the man she trusted more than any other man in the world, the only man who'd ever kept his promise that he would never let anything happen to her and that he'd always be there for her.

"Sure." Dean replied and he walked to her and dropped a light kiss on her temple before walking out into the bullpen.

"Cap..." She whispered sitting down in one of the empty chairs opposite the desk. "You're not ok with this are you?"

"I would be lying if I said I was." He replied honestly. "Are you ok with it?"

"I don't know, I don't really understand what's going on and why the whole bother but I'll let you know once I've worked a case as Special Agent Benson." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm when she recalled her full title and Cragen smirked.

"Not a fan of the title then?" He chuckled.

"Nope, I'll always be Detective." She explained sighing.

"You'll get used to it." Cragen replied. "I remember when I first became Captain ... it took a while but now it's like a second name."

"Really?" Olivia asked unsure whether he was being honest with her or if she was just saying it to make her feel better.

"Yup, people would shout 'Captain' and I'd ignore them if they shouted 'Captain Cragen' I'd answer because they used my surname too." Cragen explained.

"So if people call me Special Agent Benson or Agent Benson then I'll probably reply because they say Benson?" Olivia frowned but Cragen nodded with a gentle smile.

"Oh ok." She replied.

"Now is there anything else?" he asked her.

"Yeah could you tell everyone else, I mean, I'll be there but I don't think I could tell them." She explained her hand waving towards the window where the SVU Detectives were working."

"Of course I can, if Dean hasn't told them already that is." He smiled coming round to the desk signalling to her it was now that they had to be told.

"I warned him to keep his mouth shut." Olivia smirked before walking out into the squad room closely followed by Captain Cragen.

Dean came over to her and nodded and she smiled at him nervous about the announcement that Cragen was going to make. All the detectives had already paid attention to their superior walking in and Fin and Nick paid particular attention to Olivia fumbling with the sleeve of her sweater one of many nervous ticks they'd picked up on.

"Right well you've all seen Special Agent Dean Porter around and he's coming from the FBI to work with us, FBI are clamping down on sex crimes and special agents have been dispatched to work with every Special Victims Unit. He is going to be partnered with Special Agent Olivia Benson..."

Every other word that came out of Don's Cragen mouth wasn't heard by anyone. Fin was staring in shock, Munch was frowning, Nick was smiling and Rollins looked confused. Olivia registered each reaction, trying frantically to figure each one out for herself before speaking to them.

Amanda Rollins was obvious, she was genuinely confused which just made Olivia happy because she wasn't a fan of the second female detective on the squad. Fin's reaction was also obvious but Olivia would have preferred to be able to tell if it was good shock or bad shock. Olivia knew Munch was thinking up some crazy conspiracy and that's why he was frowning and she was sure that Nick's smile was genuine that he was happy for her.

"So if you want to get aquatinted with our agents I'll leave you to it." Olivia caught the last of Cragen's words and watched as he gave her a reassuring smile before returning to his office.

Dean slipped his arm around Olivia's shoulders as Nick Amaro came over to her, she slipped from him as she knew Nick was going to embrace her which she accepted, taking in the comfort that he was congratulating her.

"Special Agent Benson ... wow you work for the feds now!" He smiled.

"Sort of, but I'm still on NYPD's pay roll ... well sort of." She shrugged not wanting to explain everything she had learnt in the past few hours.

Fin was the next to step up now smiling having recovered a little from the shock.

"Special Agent baby girl? Wow you're moving on up!" He laughed before pulling her into a tight embrace giving Dean the once over while his head nestled against hers.

"Yeah." She shrugged not sure what else to say.

"So do you get new badge new gun?" He asked and she pulled them from her belt and showed them to him and he took them into his own hands admiring them.

"Forty calibre ten millimetres." He smiled giving the gun a once over before handing it back. He then looked at her shield, a clear indicator that she was no property of the federal bureau and not a part of the NYPD.

"So you like it?" She asked trying to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah!" He smiled handing it back to her trying to hide the contempt in his voice. "So is this a permanent move?" He asked looking at Dean.

"If Livia wants it to be." Dean replied smiling. "If she decides six months down the line she doesn't want it then I'll be ok with that." He explained his hand coming to a rest on her shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Good." Fin smiled as Munch came forward.

"You don't hate me no?" She asked her eyes scanning his face trying to get a read.

"Of course not." He smiled pulling her into his arms and giving her a comforting squeeze.

"Good." She said but no one heard as her face was muffled into his chest.

"Just remember you're an NYPD girl at heart." He whispered low enough that only she could hear.

"Always, I'd never betray you." She replied the pang of pain from what Dean had done to her awakening in her mind.

"I know." He replied before dropping a tender kiss to her temple before letting her go so Amanda Rollins could shake her hand.

"Congrats Benson." She smiled before slumming away, she didn't know Olivia well enough to say much else and Olivia was content with her congratulations.

She turned to Dean and smiled, she was at ease now that everyone knew.

"Ready to go to the office?" He asked knowing they had a briefing for a case.

"What time's the briefing?" She asked him looking down at her watch.

"Not till eighteen hundred why?" He replied knowing she had a reason for asking him.

"Let me grab some stuff from my desk and then I need to go shopping." She smirked.

"What? Why?" he asked thinking now wasn't the right time to go on a shopping spree.

"If you think I'm spending my first day as Special Agent Benson dress like a Detective when all of you are parading around in Armani suits you have another thing coming." She replied with a giggle.

"Then let me show you where agents shop Livia, my treat." He smiled reaching for her hand.

She didn't hesitate or second guess herself as she reached to him, and that was the first time all day that she hadn't.

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When Olivia and Dean walked into Federal Plaza at ten to six Olivia looked like a new woman. She'd not only allowed Dean to go all out on buying her comfortable yet feminine business suits and boots he'd taken her to the salon as she'd spent the whole time in the boutique complaining about her dead ends and needing a fresh start. Her hair now rested on her shoulders, layered beautifully and she'd also had her bangs cut back in, she hadn't had bangs cut since Oregon and she thought bringing back those memories was just what they needed, a time when they'd shared an understanding and a mutual trusting relationship even if he'd been her contact while she was working undercover.

"You look amazing." Dean smiled as she adjusted her suit jacket once again.

"Thank you, I feel it, I'm just nervous." She replied honestly and he reached for her hand and pressed it lovingly to his lips.

When they arrived the top floor they met Don Cragen, who would also be attending the briefing. He stared at Olivia, as first he didn't recognise her but when she flashed him a wide grin there was no mistaking that she was Olivia, his Detective – a pang of fear hit him when he realised his mistake, his _ex_-detective he had to correct himself mentally before returning her smile.

"Wow Agent Benson you look fantastic!" He smiled.

"Oh please enough with the Agent!" She laughed not wanting him to think she was ditching the squad for the feds, if she had this job offer and it didn't involve working with SVU she would have never taken it.

"I'm sorry but wow you look amazing Olivia you really do." Cragen gushed, he couldn't help but be proud of the woman he loved as if she was a child of his own.

"Well I don't think they would have kept me if I kept turning up here in my slacks and sweaters!" She laughed. "I needed the change and with the promotion a new hairstyle and wardrobe was just what I needed." She smiled.

There were many more reasons why Olivia had needed a change and Don Cragen knew it too, changing everything about her was her letting go of the past, letting go of everything that was and embracing everything that was coming with wide open arms. He was proud of her, and pleased to see her smiling for the first time since he'd told her Elliot had turned in his papers and that was the one thing he was grateful to Dean Porter for, even if he's hurt her before, he'd come back and then it hit him that he was also hanging on to the hope that Elliot would come back.

"Well the look works, with the new title and stuff, wow Olivia, you really do look well." He smiled trying to hide the element of emotion that was behind his reply.

"Thanks." She smiled as the door opened.

"Ah Captain Cragen, Agent Benson, Agent Porter why don't we get started?" Director Frazer smiled opening the door wider for them all to enter.

Olivia gave one last nervous look at Dean before following Cragen into the large empty board room.

.

They took the seats that had files in front of them while Director Frazer stood in front of a SMART board ready to present the case to them. Olivia opened the jacket as did Dean and Cragen and just a quick scan of it said how big a case this was going to be.

"Ok so this case is a sex trafficking ring, all the girls are believed to be between the ages of ten and fifteen. We have yet to infiltrate this group and have no idea what they're about, how they get the girls into the US and where they go from there all we know is that these girls are now ending up in New York and we are talking the state and not the city here. We need SVU to begin tracking down the girls while you Agent Porter and Agent Benson track the perps, the truth is we know nothing as of yet except the information in those files and so we have to leave this in your capable hands. Benson and Porter talk with the girls, find out what you can about the perps, where they came from, where they went and who got them there, then while you search for the perps I want Detectives Rollins, Armano, Munch and Tutuola finding the rest of the girls, as simple as it sounds it isn't." Frazer explained fully. "Any questions?"

Olivia waited for Dean or Cragen to ask questions, Don went first being the man leading the squad who was going to lead this case.

"Yeah uh – what am I supposed to tell my squad and what am I not to tell them?" Cragen asked, the last thing he needed now was to be head to head with the feds about leaking confidential information.

"Your four main detectives need to be told that any information about our perps is to be passed on to the agents or yourself and under no circumstances are they to follow leads, they go after the girls while the agents follow the perps." Frazer replied.

"I've got question..." Olivia chirped surprised at how strong her voice was. "Uh were exactly do you want us to begin if you have no information for us?" Olivia asked.

"Ah well that's where it get's interesting..."

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**Ok So I've already written the chapter where Elliot returns ... I think it's perfect ... you're all going to hate me though because it's going to take a while to get there! **


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**So here it is MAJOR SMUT seriously that's all this is from start to end!**

Chapter Four

"I'm sorry it got too late to go out." Dean sighed as Olivia passed him a glass of wine.

"I don't mind, it's been a whirlwind of a day Dean, I think I'm glad we've picked up take out." She smiled as she sat beside him and let him pull her into him and wrap an arm around her waist.

"Are you happy Livia?" He asked as his fingers caressed her resting arm.

"Happier than I've been in a heck of a long time Dean." She smiled craning her neck so she could look at him. "You've made me so happy."

"You've made me happy too." He smiled before dropping a kiss on her forehead making her smile.

"I'm pleased." She replied before taking a large sip of her wine.

"You know if you're going to be staying here we'll need to bring over some of your clothes." Dean told her gently.

"Yeah, I've got all the stuff we bought today here, but I do need some of my slacks and bed clothes." She laughed. "But we've not discussed what happens next."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well are we even together?" She asked sitting up so she could look him in the eyes.

"I hope so, don't you want to be?" The fear kicking into him that she didn't want him.

"Of course I do!" She replied her hand coming to rest on his cheek as she saw how scared he was.

"Then Olivia Benson, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked taking her hand from his cheek and holding it tight.

"I will." She smiled and he pressed a tender kiss to her hand.

"Good." He smiled back and they looked into each other's eyes lovingly.

Dean moved first but Olivia reacted instantly. His lips latched onto hers and both of their eyes fluttered shut. She felt him take the wine glass from her hand and he placed it on the table before latching his lips back, it was rougher the second time, almost needy but she wasn't hesitating. When his tongue seeked to intrude her mouth she granted the access instantly.

He tasted the red wine she'd just been drinking mixed with peppermint toothpaste a taste he knew he already loved. She tasted cinnamon and sweet coffee his taste sending feelings through her that both shocked her and drove her on. His hands begun caressing her back and she felt herself arching towards him in reaction a still groan emulating from deep inside her. The vibration from her groan on his lips spurred him on further and as her hands stroked his back, her fingernails digging in through his suit jacket.

"Liv-ia..."He mumbled as her lips worked against his.

"Yeah?" She asked unattaching briefly before latching straight back on.

"We should ... uh ... we should take this into the bedroom." He mumbled while she continued to kiss him.

"Yeah." She nodded and he pulled her up to standing and pulled him into her close making her smile as they stood almost nose to nose.

"You're amazing do you know that?" Dean asked as Olivia's eyes flickered down to his lips and then back to his eyes.

"So are you." She smiled before pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

"Yeah?" He asked raising his eyebrows and then crashing his lips into hers, rough, desperate and passionate.

"Yeah." She replied as he picked her up.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to his bedroom. They crashed into the wall then into the doorframe and Olivia knew she would have a bruised back but she didn't care. He dropped her heavily onto the bed and she wrapped her arms around his neck as she continued the ferocious kiss. He let go over her lips and nipped lightly at her jaw before trailing gentle kisses down her neck. When he went round to her ear she gasped as he nipped at the skin, the arousal now thick between them. She pushed at his jacket and he took it off as she sat upright, her legs hanging off the edge her hands already working at his shirt buttons. He found the one round button on the front of her Giorgio Armani suit he'd bought her as a 'congratulations' gift on her promotion and he quickly unbuttoned it. As she removed the insulting garment he pulled off his tie and now open shirt. He then helped pull the simple white tee she had been wearing under the jacket over her head and the sight of her in a white lace bra had him spellbound.

"What?" She asked going to cover herself up feeling suddenly self-conscious.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered taking her hands so he could admire her some more, she didn't know where to look.

He didn't make her suffer any longer as he crashed his lips back into hers suddenly impatient to see the rest of her, to feel every aspect of her. She was just as eager as she found his belt buckle and pulled at it almost frantic. He chuckled seductively as he helped her unbuckle it and then as soon as he had she tore at his button and fly and one tug found the garment at his ankles. As he stepped out of them and kicked them out of his way he pulled Olivia to standing his own hands finding the button on her trousers and quickly unfastening it. She giggled as he pulled at them and they slipped to the floor and she copied his movements, stepping out of them and kicking them out of the way. He slowly caressed her abdomen and found her giggling even more. He stepped back and looked into her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip playfully.

"You're ticklish?" He asked in surprise.

"Extremely." She laughed as he broke out in a grin. "Well?" She asked raising an eyebrow seductively and he wrapped his arms around her back and unclipped her bra and pulling it gently down her arms till he could discard it on the floor.

His hand found her breast with his eyes locked on hers. As he teased the nub her head fell back as her eyes fluttered closed. He could only smile as he slowly picked her up so her legs attached around his waist once again. His lips clamped down her pert nub and her cheek fell to his head as a small growl passed through her lips. The effect of her body and kisses had already made him highly aroused but he was now desperate to be inside her. He gently placed her down on the bed and she smiled as he climbed on top of her. He trailed kisses down her neck, breasts and abdomen as his hands stroked her outer thighs, she was giggling again but it was such a low pitch it just turned Dean on even more. He reached the line of her white lace panties and her breath hitched as he gripped it with his teeth, pulling and then letting go as a warning that he was about to take them off. Her finger found her mouth as she tried to control the giggling she couldn't suppress as his fingers danced along the line of her panties, he smirked up at her and then slowly peeled them away. As his fingers trailed down her thighs, slowly, seductively, she felt her aching core almost throb eagerly, the heat emulating from her centre begging for him, but she wasn't going to beg, she was going to let him take his time with her and do what he thought was best, just this once. Once he'd thrown her panties over his shoulder He reached up to her and captured her bottom lip in his mouth nipping and letting go repeatedly making her moan and wither beneath him. He grinned against her lips but she wasn't about to let him have all the fun. Her hands trailed down his rib cage her nails just gentle against his skin until she reached the line of his boxer shorts. Using her index fingers she gently scratched from the side across the garments line till they met in the middle before she took one finger and stroked gently through the fabric making him moan into her mouth, she broke out into a grin and found the line again and tugged knowing that neither could wait any longer.

He shifted and pulled the shorts of before nestling himself back between her legs. He looked into her eyes intently to make sure there was no hesitation or fear to stop him from taking it any further. He saw nothing but love and he broke out in a smile before finding her entrance and slipping very slowly inside her making her hips buck and arch towards him wanting the process to go faster. As soon as he was completely inside he pressed his forehead to hers and held it for a moment.

"You feel so good." She whispered, even though good wasn't the right word, amazing is what she was feeling.

"You do too Livia, you're so tight." He whispered back making her smile, she knew it was nothing to do with how small her space was, it was everything to do with how thick her was.

"Dean?" She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Make love to me." She whispered.

That was all he needed. He took both her hands in his own and pinned them to the bed before slowly starting to pump. She moaned as her hips found the very slow rhythm Dean had set but it was perfect for both of them, they weren't having sex, they were making love and both knew that process should not be rushed.

"Oh Dean." She whimpered as he dropped his lips to her neck, the slow pace slowly becoming to slow for either to bear.

"More?" he asked as he pulled from her lips to look into his eyes.

"So much more." She replied as her back arched and her legs wrapped around his hips, her ankles crossing just above his backside.

The perspiration that had gathered on Olivia's brow caused her bangs to stick to her forehead, the salty taste he got from pressing his lips to her moaning mouth just stirred him further on now realising they were both getting close.

"Harder." She gasped feeling the point of climax being reached.

"For anything." He grunted as he began to thrust harder and faster.

"Oh yeah." She gasped her back arching even more which neither of them realised was possible until it happened.

"Come on Liv, come on." He grunted knowing that at any second she was going to clamp down on him.

"Yes!" She gasped.

Her nails dug into his knuckles and her eyes rolled back into her head as he made her orgasm.

"Fuck!" She groaned, if he wasn't making her go through an intense orgasm waiting to reach his own he would have been shocked at her chosen words. "Oh God Dean." She gasped as he slowly rode her through it, one more thrust and seeing her coming down from the high point of climax was all it took to set him off.

"Olivia. Oh Olivia." He sang as he continued to thrust until he couldn't anymore almost collapsing on top of her he let go of their intertwining fingers.

His head came to a rest just in between her breasts. He could hear her heart hammering and feel her breath slowly evening out and become less shallow. She stroked his hair as she felt his warm breath tickle her bare chest and feel his heart beat against her abdomen.

No words needed to be said, they'd all been spoken for them and as they lay together both coming down their bodies limp with fatigue they slowly drifted off to sleep, hand in hand.

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When Olivia woke up she was surprised to find Dean's head still on her bare chest, except now his body was beside her and one arm draped over her. She smiled and took her fingers to his hair, slowly coaxing him from his slumber.

"Livia?" He whispered without opening his eyes.

"Right here babe." She whispered back feeling him slowly waking up.

"Mmh, I love you." He smiled as his eyes flickered open meeting her gazing loving at him.

"I love you too." She smiled back before craning her neck to kiss his temple, the only place she could reach from where she was. "But if you don't move now I'm going to wet myself."

He laughed and slowly rolled off her so she could climb out of bed. She grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled it onto her still naked body closing two buttons as she made her way to the bathroom. He watched her go with a tender smile on his lips, he knew now that she was his, no one could change that.

When she came out ten minutes later he smelt the peppermint emulating from her breath.

"Not a morning breath person?" He laughed as she climbed back into bed and allow him to scoop her up in his arms.

"I'm not a morning breath on me person." She laughed before pressing her lips to his.

"Hmm what time is it?" he asked.

"Six fifteen." Olivia replied having looked at the clock on the way back from the bathroom.

"You know, we don't have to be at the one six till nine." He laughed seductively.

"Do we not?" She asked. "You're lying eight thirty." She suddenly remembered Cragen telling them.

"We're federal, we make up our own rules." He laughed as his lips found the weak spot right behind her ear.

"Oh really?" She growled feeling herself becoming instantly aroused as his hand slipped up the shirt and cupping her breast, squeezing lightly and laughing at her gasp in reaction.

"Yeah." He replied as he trailed kisses back to her lips.

"Well – as – much – as – I don't – want – you to – stop – I don't – want to be – late as – my first – full – day – as – Special – Agent – Benson." She managed a word or two in between each light kiss as his hand slipped down her side until reaching her thigh and slowly teasing his finger to her centre.

"Tell me to stop ..." he kissed her. "...and I will."

"Oh God don't stop." She moaned as he slowly slipped a finger inside her and her head fell to the side to meet his.

He grinned and dropped a gentle kiss on her nose as he slowly started to work his finger. He was watching every reaction intently getting aroused himself just by the sight of her.

"Oh Dean." She moaned as a second finger entered her and her knees fell outwards making her more open to him.

He continued to watch her intently as he started to thrust his fingers hard and faster, her face contorting in pure pleasure was driving him mad with want for her but right now this was about her, he wanted to see her react to his work.

"God Dean, please, more." She whimpered making him thrust even harder and even faster to the point he was scared he was hurting her.

He could feel the heat emulating from her body, see the perspiration building on her brow and upper lip and as his lips found her he tasted the peppermint toothpaste and the taste he knew was her natural taste which he decided he was addicted to.

"Oh I'm so close." She whispered in a moan.

"Come on Liv, come on, look at me." He whispered and it was all she needed to let go.

He watched her eyes fly open and connect with his as her body contorted and released simultaneously as she let out an ear splitting moan.

"That's it." He encouraged as he continued his thrusts taking her through her climax until her head slumped to the side and her eyes fluttered shut.

He removed his fingers and she looked at him a small smile on her face. He decided he wasn't done yet and slowly placed his fingers in his mouth and her mouth fell wide open, she'd had men make her orgasm manually before but none had ever lapsed what she released before. Once he was done he clasped his lips to hers and she could taste remnants of herself on him.

"You know ... I could really get used to that taste." He smiled.

"Yeah?" She asked gently dragging her tongue along his bottom lip.

"You taste so good." He explained. "But right now, I need a shower or we're going to be late." He smiled.

"But..."

"No." He pressed a finger to her lips knowing what she was going to say. "This morning was about you."

She smiled and kissed the finger on her lips before watching him roll out of bed and disappear into the bathroom. He didn't bother closing the door and as Olivia lay her head down on the pillow an idea came to mind that had her jumping out of bed and tearing the shirt over her head. Dean was already in the shower, humming a song she didn't recognise as she slowly slid open the shower cubicle door.

"Livia... I am trying to calm myself down." He laughed knowing that seeing her naked body had made his erection come back instantly.

"Well..." She growled seductively. "Let me do something about that, call this killing two birds with one stone."

He laughed as he felt her hands climb up his thigh until one hand cupped around his throbbing member.

"Oh God Liv." He grunted as she took her thumb and slowly circled the tip.

She smirked and pressed her lips to him before starting to slowly work her hand. The water from the shower more than enough lubricant her hand glided easily as she worked him. He pressed his lips to hers as a growl emulated from deep within him making her smile even more.

"Love ... God... Don't stop." He almost whimpered.

"Not gonna." She replied loving how he'd become putty in her hands or hand as the case may be.

"Oh my Livia." He mumbled knowing he was second away.

"Let go." She whispered before latching her teeth to his bottom lip and that was all he needed to be sent over the edge.

His hips thrust into her working hand as he spurted. She grinned as he called out her name in ecstasy.

"Olivia."

She continued to work him until she felt him begin to relax, the water washing away the evidence of what they'd just done as he clasped his lips onto hers.

"Now we need to get ready or we're going to be late." She laughed reaching over his head for the shampoo on the rack.

"Yeah." He smiled giving her one more kiss.

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"We're going to be so late." Olivia sighed as she worked the straightening iron through her hair. "And do you mind telling me where on earth these came from?" She asked signalling the hot iron in her hand.

"No I don't mind, you left them in the apartment in Oregon, the girl who helped me pack everything up said they were expensive and I was going to return them but I kept forgetting." He explained.

"Oh so they're mine?" She asked, she knew she had owned a pair just like them but had no idea where she'd lost them.

"Yeah, you don't think I'd give you some ex-girlfriends straightening iron do you?" He laughed uncertain of what she'd reply.

"You have ex-girlfriends?" She teased making him throw a nearby cushion at her head.

"Dean!" She groaned having to pick up the comb to tidy her hair again.

"Dean!" He imitated making her laugh.

Ten minutes later and she was slipping her feet into a pair of black kitten heels.

"I look forward to trying to run in these outfits." She laughed adjusting the tight trousers of her new D&G suit.

"You'll be able to run just fine." He smiled as he passed her purse and sun glasses from the cabinet by the door.

"We'll see." She replied raising her eyebrows. "Now let's go before Cragen has me filling paper work as a punishment for being nearly half an hour late because someone couldn't keep their hands to themselves this morning." She laughed grabbing the door.

"I don't think Cragen can do that anymore Special Agent Benson." He smiled pulling her in for a kiss.

"Oh that's right Special Agent Porter." She replied giving him a second kiss before pulling away. "Now let's go." She laughed taking his hand.

"I don't want to!" He groaned childishly making her laugh. "I want to take you back to bed!"

"I would like that too but there are some really bad people out there who we have to go catch and then once we lock them up, you can take me to bed." She teased pulling him into the elevator.

"Well at least kiss me?" He asked pressing her up against the elevator door.

"With pleasure." She smirked before latching her lips onto his the kiss continuing until the doors slid open on the ground floor.

"How am I going to keep my hands off you all day?" He asked as he took her hand to walk to the car.

"With great difficulty." She replied. "It's going to be tough for me too."

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah, I mean the magic your fingers can do to a girl?" She laughed.

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**Next up the case begins! **


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**So here it is MAJOR SMUT seriously that's all this is from start to end!**

Chapter Five

When Olivia and Dean walked into the one six the four detectives stopped and stared. For a moment Olivia felt very self conscious as she saw her friends looking at her like they didn't know who she was.

"What have I got something on my face?" She asked as she placed her purse on her desk.

"Olivia?" Fin asked walking up to her.

"Yeah?" She asked raising her eyebrows feeling very confused.

"I didn't recognise you ... you look ... amazing." Fin explained wrapping her up in an embrace, Olivia suddenly remembered that they hadn't seen her since her transformation.

"Oh Thanks." She smiled returning the hug. "Needed a change."

"Special Agent Benson you look quite the part." Munch grinned.

"Thanks but drop the Special Agent yeah?" She replied, the last thing she wanted was for the detectives to treat her differently.

"Sorry Liv." He winked.

Nick was the next to come up to her and she watched as he looked her up and down a couple of times before finally saying something to her.

"Wow you looks great Olivia, that outfit works and the hair too." Nick smiled eventually.

"Thanks." Olivia replied not sure what else to say.

"Giorgio Armani pin stripe suit trousers and waist coat item number three five two seven CH and high collar low neck line item number four two three two HG. They look good on you Olivia." Amanda grinned as did Olivia, she sure knew her clothes.

"Thanks Amanda." Olivia nodded and gave her a smile, even though she barely knew Amanda Rollins she was beginning to like her more and more.

"Ok everyone gather round!" Cragen called stepping out of his office.

Olivia and Dean both pulled out the manila folders they had and walked towards the Crime Board.

"Ok, this case has been given to us by the feds, detectives; you are going after the victims, hundreds of them between the ages of five and twelve. Special Agents Porter and Benson are going after the perps. Here's the deal, if any of you find information on the perps you hand it over to Olivia or Dean and forget about it, we are not to get involved. Now, we have three victims coming in today to talk with us, find out everything you can about them, where they're from, how they got into the US and so on. They'll be here at nine." Cragen explained and then he handed over to Dean and Olivia.

"All we know so far is that these people are coming into Florida, Louisiana and Texas never hitting the same bay twice as not to raise suspicion." Olivia told them.

"Myself and Olivia need everything we can from the victims so we can travel down and catch them red handed from what we have got so far we know there are at least five hundred victims in New York alone, this isn't a small case with a few rape victims, this is sex trafficking of hundreds if not thousands of children." Dean added.

"So we deal with all the crying and sad stories while you go after the bad guys?" Nick asked.

"When you put it like that Nick it sounds unfair but the feds haven't got the man power to go after these alone but this is too big for the NYPD." Dean replied as Olivia felt a pang of guilt hit her, she remembered how annoyed she would get when the feds interfered with their cases in the past and she couldn't help but agree with Nick.

"Also you get to bring in the buyers if you find them, we're going after the sellers." Olivia explained knowing that they would get to catch some bad guys just not _the _bad guys."

"Oh well that's something." Munch replied grudgingly.

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At nine o'clock three victims walked into the bullpen and Amanda and Olivia showed them upstairs to the couch so they could try and relax before talking.

"Is there anything we can get for you? Soda? Coffee?" Olivia asked as soon as the little girls were sat down.

They looked at her, three sets of eyes just blinking and visibly frightened.

" Manda why don't you get them some soda and a chocolate bar each?" Olivia asked handing her the change from her pocket.

"Sure." Amanda smiled knowing that relaxing the three girls was important.

Olivia sat down on the chair opposite the girl while Amanda rushed off down the stairs. They looked at her with uncertainty and Olivia could feel her heart bleeding for them.

"Ok, I'm just going to explain to you how this is going to work ok?" Olivia asked and the three girls nodded nervously.

"Good, now you'll go downstairs and my friends Fin and Amanda are going to ask you some questions to help us try and find the bad guys who bought you here ok?" Olivia spoke softly, her voice caring and calm.

The three girls nodded once again just as Amanda came up with three cold cans of soda and a chocolate bar each.

"Here you go." Amanda smiled handing the drinks and chocolate over and smiling nervously at Olivia.

"Ready?" She asked the detective who was a rookie compared to Olivia.

"Yeah I think so." Amanda replied.

"Just keep calm Mand' I mean these girls need to warm up to you so act like their best friend." Olivia smiled reassuringly.

"This is a massive case isn't it?" Amanda asked knowing the answer anyway.

"Yeah, I think this case is going to be emotionally very tough for all of us, we have no idea how many victims we're going to come across." Olivia replied. "It's ... I don't know how to put it but the sooner Dean and I are on a plane to Florida the sooner we can catch these guys and stop this." O

"Yeah." Amanda nodded. "Let's hope its sooner rather than later too, I don't want to see many more of these girls come through here."

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They decided to make the process go by quicker by having on girl in with Munch and Nick, one in with Fin and Amanda and another in with Dean and Olivia and voice record the sessions. Olivia sat opposite the little girl and beside Dean knowing she had to take the lead on this because Dean would be the first to admit he was no good with the victims.

"Ok sweetie can you tell us your name?" Olivia asked as soon as Dean hit the record button on the tape.

"Alejandrina Carrero." She said with a thick accent.

"Ok Alejandrina, can you tell us where you're from?" Olivia asked and the little girl shook her head violently. "Why not?" Olivia coaxed.

"The man said we were never to tell where we came from." She replied.

"Which man?" Olivia asked.

"The man who bought us to America, El Diablo."

"The devil bought you to America?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"He's not really El Diablo but that's what we called him because we didn't know his name and he was very horrible." Alejandrina replied as she tucked a large piece of black hair behind her ear.

"Ok sweetie listen to me, you're safe now, El Diablo can't hurt you but we need to know where you're from so we can help get you back and catch El Diablo ok?" Olivia explained and the girl nodded weakly.

"I'm from Guatemala." She replied nervously.

"Ok where in Guatemala?" Olivia continued.

"Semaji."

"Ok so how did El Diablo get you from Semaji?" Olivia asked knowing they needed every little detail.

"I was playing in the park and he called me over saying he needed help with his puppy who was in the car." She replied shakily.

"Ok and after that where did he take you?" Olivia asked hoping the ten year old in front of her would know.

"Livingstone."

"What happened in Livingstone?"

"He put me in a big metal room with lots of other girls, then the next day the box moved and then after a while we arrived in America." She explained simply.

"Ok where in America did you arrive? Do you remember?"

"Florida. The boat was stopped and we'd get picked up by speed boats of the people who were buying us and then they'd take us onto the beach and buy us ice cream and then the person who bought me took me to New York."

"Ok thank you Alejandrina, you did so well." Olivia smiled reassuringly as Dean switched off the recorder.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really, we're going to catch El Diablo I promise." Olivia smiled before offering her hand to the little girl, "now let's go see if the others have finished."

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Once all the interviews were complete they were all gathered in the squad room to discuss their findings.

"Ok so El Diablo is the only name we have for the seller, but there is no way he's working alone either." Olivia started.

"Did anyone get any leads on more girls?" Dean asked looking at the detectives.

"Yeah we did according to Maria one girl lived next door to her and she gave us an address." Amanda replied quickly.

"That's something then, ok so the girls are from Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador, they came from different ports Livingstone, Barrio Ingles and Muelle but all two came into Florida while one came into Texas." Olivia continued as she scribbled down on the crime board.

"We've got a few agents working undercover in Mexico and across Central America, I'll contact them get us to send us every missing persons report on girls between five and twelve and see how many of them we can find and get home to their families." Dean added knowing that they needed as much information as they could.

"We need a warrant to search the premises of the address we were given and see if we can rescue the fourth little girl." Nick pointed out.

"Call Casey or Alex they're both working with us still and we need these answers and fast." Cragen replied knowing that their top priority was saving the girls.

Nick was on the phone in seconds while everyone else listened to Dean.

"We're going to have to bust the place, we're talking vests and back up, when one girl was rescued two FBI agents were killed and I don't want to risk any of us." He explained.

"As soon as the warrant is here you can all get kitted up and I'll call for back up for you. The sooner we get the girl the sooner we can get the buyers and hopefully you'll get your sellers." Cragen replied.

"Liv..."

"Yeah?" She asked turning to face Dean.

"We need to go to Federal Plaza to get kitted up." Dean explained.

"Ok well let's do that then we'll meet everyone at the house." Olivia replied nervously, this would be her first bust with the FBI and she was mixed with nerves and excitement but trying to remind herself that her feelings didn't matter, they had a child to save.

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Less than two hours later and Olivia and Dean met with the SVU Detectives a block away from the address they were about to bust. Olivia felt uncomfortable in her FBI vest and coat, she could tell that the detectives were looking at the bright white FBI lettering, they were wearing the same style coats but theirs had the letters NYPD and it was strange to be seeing Olivia in something different. Dean was shifting from one foot to the other nervously as Olivia and Fin discussed entering the premises.

"Just remember to call NYPD Fin because this isn't Feds case, we're just working this bit with you until we get close to the sellers." Olivia smiled knowing that she would have to remember to yell that it was FBI from now on, she didn't know why she was reminding Fin, probably to remind herself out loud.

"I know. Right are we ready to do this?" Fin smiled reassuringly.

Slowly they all made their way to the house, back up was stationed behind them and around the house. Munch and Amanda had gone around the back while Fin, Nick, Dean and Olivia went to the front.

"This is NYPD we have a warrant to search this residence." Fin yelled hammering at the door.

They could hear movement inside and gun shots firing. Nick kicked the door and it flew open and the four of them rushed inside with their weapons drawn, Fin and Nick rushed after the perp who was trying to make an escape around the back where Munch and Rollins were, Olivia and Dean started to check every room. Once they made it upstairs they found a lifeless body of a little girl with blood all around her. Olivia knelt down and clasped her shaking fingers to the girl's neck.

"There's a pulse call for a bus!" Olivia gasped as she rolled the girl onto her back.

Whoever had taken the shot had been panicking as they'd hit her in the shoulder. Olivia clasped her hands to the wound and saw the little girl drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Come on sweetie stay with me, stay with me baby you're safe now come on, stay with me." She pleaded while Dean draped an arm around her shoulders. "Come on baby, help is on the way, you're going to be ok." Olivia cooed as Dean's free hand stroked the little girl's hair, this was affecting him more than anything he'd ever seen.

Between Olivia's cooing and the lifeless body on the floor he was near tears when Fin and Rollins came upstairs.

"Please say you got the bastard." Dean asked, Olivia hadn't even lifted her head.

"Yeah two of them one man one woman." Fin replied as Amanda came over to Olivia and helped her put pressure on the wound.

Olivia looked at Amanda and gave her a grateful smile before turning back to the little girl.

"Come on sweetie, stay with me baby, stay with me, you're safe now." Olivia continued just as EMT's rushed in.

Dean helped move Olivia from the floor so the EMT's could work. She just stared in silence, her heart beating was the only thing echoing in her ears.

"I'll ride along." Amanda said just as the EMT's began wheeling the little girl out.

Dean, Fin and Olivia just watched in shock unsure what to say.

"I ... oh my God." Olivia finally croaked and she turned to face Dean, the tears streaming silently down her face.

Dean didn't care about the blood she was covered in, he wrapped his arms tight around her and looked nervously at Fin.

"Come on Baby Girl, you may have just saved her life." Fin tried but Olivia still said nothing as she sobbed silently into Dean's shoulder.

When CSU came into the room Dean and Fin led Olivia out. They met with Don Cragen in the yard who said nothing but looked at the now silent and staring-into-space Olivia.

"Liv?" He asked resting a hand on her shoulder.

She turned to look at him and said nothing.

"She didn't make it." He explained and she just nodded weakly.

"We need to go to Federal Plaza, we'll see you back in the precinct in a bit." Dean sighed leading her away.

Don Cragen nodded, he wasn't sure what was wrong with Olivia, she'd been in worse situations than this before and hadn't reacted so badly.

"You think she's ok Cap'n?" Fin asked weakly.

"I don't know, hopefully Dean knows how to take care of her, I'm worried Fin." He replied honestly.

"What's got you so worried?" Fin asked because the truth was he was worried himself too.

"Changing her hair, her clothes, getting with Dean, the promotion, it's all happened so fast and if she doesn't take time to process it then she's going to be worse off in the long run." Cragen replied the fear etched in his brow.

"She didn't change her hair and clothes because of the promotion did she?" Fin sighed already knowing the answer.

"No she didn't even if that what she tells herself, the truth is she's been wanting to change for a long time Fin, ever since Elliot left her she'd been wanting to run away and Dean and the promotion gave her what she needed to be able to, changing the way she has is just the same as running away." Cragen explained.

"She needs to talk with someone." Fin replied.

"I'm going to ask Huang to have a word." Don agreed whole heartedly.

"She won't be pleased." Fin warned with a slight chuckle.

"I know, but it's what she needs right now." Don sighed.

"Cap ..." Fin started but cut himself off unsure if he should even be discussing this with his superior.

"What is it Fin?" He asked his concern rising with the behaviour of his detective.

"You don't think ... I mean I don't know but is there a chance Olivia's just replacing Elliot with Dean?" He asked looking at the ground because he was ashamed he'd even thought of it.

"I don't know Fin, I mean there is a chance that she is but I'm hoping that she isn't, he loves her and I think she loves him too, I don't know if it's the same love as she felt for Elliot but things were complicated between those two, he was married and she was in denial. All we can do is hope she knows what she's doing and is happy." Cragen replied giving Fin's shoulder a squeeze.

"I know it's wrong of me to think it Captain but she deserves to be happy, what happens if she isn't with Dean?" He asked the sincerity in his voice making Cragen see how much Fin really cared for the female detective.

"We hope she realises it before it's too late." Cragen replied before walking off leaving Fin to take in what he'd said.

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Olivia persuaded Dean to take her back to the one six where she knew she could have a shower and had a change of clothes in her locker. He watched he rush off up the stairs having barely said anything other than 'take me to the one six' since leaving the house. He had to admit what had happened had shaken him up too, he never enjoyed working with victims and much preferred going after the perps. He was also glad he and Olivia would be jetting off to Florida as soon as the Agent's down there had a substantial lead for them.

He sat at her desk and looked at the pictures she had, one of her and her mother when she was just a baby, one of herself with Elliot which he wouldn't have told her that he didn't like because she was his now and he was jealous of Elliot's twelve year partnership and friendship with Olivia, if anything, he was glad that Stabler wasn't around anymore, it was when he found that out he was willing to come back to tell Olivia how he truly felt. He couldn't wait now for the weekend, as well as book a photographer he'd planned a picnic and he just needed to ask Cragen that neither of them were to be disturbed on Sunday unless it was an absolute emergency because he wanted to do everything right with Olivia and not screw it up again, he couldn't bare to lose her again.

"I thought you were going back to FP." Cragen said as he walked into the bullpen with the four detectives hot on his heels.

"Olivia wanted to come back here, she's just gone for a shower and she had a change of clothes in her locker." Dean replied honestly, he wasn't going to hide anything from Don Cragen, he was too important to Olivia.

"Right, I want her to sit down with George Huang before you take her anywhere, she was really shaken at the crime scene." Don replied.

"Yeah. Yeah she was and she does need to talk it out, I don't think she will with me." Dean agreed.

"Good because Huang's on his way." Don nodded before heading off to his office.

"Well at least that's two more sellers that are going to end up behind bars." Rollins sighed as she fell into her chair.

Nick walked over to his own and pulled out his iPad in the hopes his wife would be online so he could talk to her, she was one of very few who could make days like this seem brighter. When he saw that she wasn't he went up to the cribs hoping to get five minutes to himself to talk through himself what had happened.

When he went inside he found the place in darkness and automatically flicked on the switch. It was then he noticed Olivia's shaking body on the furthest cot her back to him.

"Livia?" He asked gently as he walked towards her.

"Sorry." She sniffed pushing herself to sitting at the side of the bed.

Nick sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder's knowing that she just needed someone to be there for her at that moment.

"It's ok to be upset." He told her understanding that she needed that confirmation.

"I don't know why I am upset though, I've seen and heard worse." She sniffed as she rested her head on his shoulder, he would always be her new partner, she'd bonded with him and she hoped after a while that she could go back to being a detective and work with him, the past few months with him had been perfect, much better than she'd expected them to be without Elliot.

"I bet, but you've had a heck of a few days Olivia with Porter and then the promotion. Anyone would be overwhelmed." He replied gently.

"I know." She agreed, she did know it deep down but it didn't make it any easier.

"Cragen's called Huang in, he wants you to sit down with him before you go anywhere." Nick told her knowing she wouldn't be pleased.

"Oh great." She sighed. "Well I better go see the big bad doctor so I can go home." She sighed getting to her feet.

"Don't you think you should change first?" He asked looking at her still in her suit and FBI issued jacket and vest completely covered in blood.

"I should but to be honest I want to go home and have a long soak in the bath." Olivia replied. "So for now I'll stay in these." She replied. "And thanks Nick." She smiled gratefully before turning for the door.

"Any time Liv." He replied but she didn't hear him as the door clicked shut behind her.

She went straight downstairs just as Huang walked into the bullpen. He gave her a curt nod and she followed him into the interview room just wanting to get it out of the way so that she could go home.

Once they were sat down Huang jumped straight in.

"So how are you Liv?" He asked gently.

"Numb." She replied honestly, knowing that now wasn't the time to play games with the psychiatrist.

"Ok and why do you feel numb?" He asked her.

"Oh I don't know something to do with the fact a little girl was dying in my arms." She hissed angrily.

"Ok, how come you haven't changed?" He asked having spot the blood instantly, it was still on her hands and all over her top where she'd wiped her hands on them, her ankles to her knees were the worse where she'd knelt down in the pool of blood as she desperately tried to stem the bleeding.

"I just want to go home." She replied. "Showering and Changing would delay that."

"Why do you want to go home?" He asked her.

"To get showered and get into bed and pretend that none of this ever happened."

"But it did happen Olivia." He sighed knowing that he was lucky Cragen called him in.

"I know that. But it doesn't mean I don't want to get into bed close my eyes and pretend that it didn't." She replied angrily.

"What's bothering you so much?" Huang asked sensing there was a lot more to why Olivia was so angry and upset than the little girl's death.

"I don't know." She sighed in reply. "Why?"

"You don't seem yourself." He explained. "I mean, you look great, the new hairstyle and the outfit works well for you especially since you're an agent now but still something tells me there's a heck of a lot more going on."

Olivia chuckled lightly, Huang was always so blunt and she liked that about him.

"I've been needing a change, but not only have been given the opportunity to change but I've also had the chance at a fresh start." Olivia smiled gently.

"What do you mean?" Huang coaxed and Olivia looked him in the eye knowing he already knew what she meant, or at least a part of it.

"When Elliot left, I wanted to run and run so far and never look back but I didn't, I accepted a new partner and Nick's great, ok I haven't warmed to Amanda as much yet but I am trying with her too and then when Dean came back ... I've been given a second chance with the man I love and I couldn't be happier." She glanced at him again and hooked her eyes on his. "So why do I feel so lost?"

"Olivia, you've gone through so many changes in the past two days, your whole world has changed, you're not a detective anymore and that's all you've ever known, you've got Dean back and I think being that happy with someone who isn't Elliot Stabler scares you."

"I never felt this happy with Elliot." She replied honestly.

It was the truth, she couldn't be as happy as she was with Dean when Elliot was around because Elliot was never hers, she never got to touch him and be intimate with him in the way she wanted too and now she was being given the chance at all that with Dean, a man she knew loved her more than words could say and a man she was confident she loved the same.

"No you didn't, Elliot was your partner and Dean is your lover, they're two very different things." Huang agreed even though he knew Olivia would have jumped at the chance to be this happy with Elliot.

"Are we done? Because I'm done talking about Elliot Stabler, he's gone and he isn't coming back and I'm making a new life for myself." Olivia replied.

"Yeah we're done." Huang nodded knowing there was a lot more to talk about but also knowing it was pointless if Olivia wasn't in the mood for it.

"Then I'm going home to be with Dean." She replied before rushing out the door leaving Huang to process everything she'd said.

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**Sooo next chapter Olivia and Dean's romantic Sunday! **


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**Romantic Sunday!**

Chapter Six

When Olivia opened her eyes she felt the light brush of Dean's lips on her head. She slowly turned to look at him and gave him a waking smile.

"Good morning beautiful." He smiled.

"Hmm Morning." She replied before snuggling back into his chest.

"You know, we've got a busy day ahead of us." Dean reminded her as he gently stroked her arm.

"I know. I can't wait to have a day of just you and me." She replied drawing little love hearts on his chest with her finger.

"We should kick the day off with a bang." Dean smirked making Olivia laugh gently.

"Why? Have you got something in mind Agent?" She asked her voice dropping an octave with seduction.

"Well now that you ask..." He whispered his hand slowly gliding down her torso and slipping straight into her panties.

She gasped and felt the wetness pool instantly between her legs. He slowly stroked her before pulling out and rolling her flat onto her back.

"You look so beautiful when you wake up." He told her before latching his lips softly onto hers as she giggled un-Benson like in reply.

He slowly kissed her before making his way down her neck making her moan softly. He unbuttoned the only two buttons on his shirt she'd closed last night and slid his hands down the side of her ribs and back up to her bare breasts.

"Dean." She moaned as he found her nipples and clasped them in between his thumb and forefingers rolling them and making her whimper with pleasure. She slipped her hand in between their bodies and stroked his hardened shaft. He moaned in reply making her grin cheekily.

"I'm not going to last very long if you tease me." He growled.

"Who said anything about last long?" She replied with a wink. "I just want you."

"You want me baby? You got me." He smirked pulling her panties on, he was still nude from the night before.

She spread her legs wide and slipped her arms around his neck as he lined himself at her entrance, in one easy slip he was inside her and latching his lips roughly onto hers. Neither one took it slow. It was rough, animalistic in fashion as he pumped into her.

"Oh yes God Dean!" She moaned loudly into his ear as he held her almost off the bed.

"Fuck Liv." He groaned with pleasure as she flipped them both over taking full control.

It didn't make a difference as she was just as rough gliding her nails down his chest leaving aggravated red marks but as he held her hips and thrashed hard into her she teased him further by cupping her own fleshy breast in one hand the other finding her clit.

"Oh God Livia!" He moaned seeing what she was doing.

Her head rolled back in pleasure, her teeth gripping hard on her bottom lip the only sound heard for the moment was their skin slapping hard against each other.

"Fuck me Dean!" She gasped before he grabbed her and flipped her over again.

"With pleasure." He growled before taking her hands and pushing them up above her head.

Olivia's back arched and her legs clasped behind Dean's back as he continued driving on pushing both of them towards their ultimate goal.

"God Dean don't stop, fuck, harder, please." She gasped, she was so close.

"Come on baby, come for me, come on." He grunted as he thrusted as hard and as fast as he could.

"Oh my God Dean I'm coming." She yelled.

He felt her clamp down on him and he continued to thrust his own climax setting in as soon as hers began to subside. They fell to the bed in a heap of sweating flesh.

"Fuck me."Olivia gasped her hand on her head, her eyes closed.

"Give me a minute." Dean laughed knowing what she meant but deciding to tease the hell out of her anyway.

"That was amazing." She panted slowly coming down from her high.

"It always is with you." He smiled taking her hand and interlocking his fingers into hers before taking her hand to his lips and gently kissing it.

She smiled and turned to look at him.

"You're amazing you know that?" She asked.

"You make me amazing." He smiled before pressing his lips gently to her nose.

Nothing was ever the same in their love making both of them liked experimenting and mixing it up and so far it had never been the same twice. Olivia cuddled up into Dean and they both fell into a light sleep deciding that an hour or so more sleep was ok before their busy day.

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"I bought three outfits for today. Which one do you think?" She asked Dean as she stared at the three dresses hanging up on the wardrobe door.

"Well..." He smirked disappearing into the living room.

"That wasn't an answer!" She yelled playfully after him.

Sighing she resumed staring at the three dresses she'd brought from her place the night before knowing that one of them had to be a better choice than the other two.

"Close your eyes." Dean said from behind the door.

"What?" She asked.

"Just do it!" He replied in mock anger.

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh but closed her eyes anyway. She could hear him moving things in front of her but said nothing and didn't open her eyes even though she wanted too.

"Ok open." He said after a few minutes.

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and she looked up and gasped. Where her three summer dresses had been hanging up now stood one that she had never seen before. It was a knee high plain white dress and from the label Olivia could see that it was from a boutique she had walked past hundreds of times and told herself to go inside but had never managed too. It had a plunging neckline and thick shoulder straps and Olivia thought she'd never have chosen it for herself but it was definitely beautiful.

"Wow Dean." Olivia stuttered eventually.

"It's ok if you don't like it." He said hurriedly.

"I do ... when did you..."

"Ah well I saw it in the window when we were canvassing yesterday and called a friend to go pick it up." He explained.

"Aww!" She squealed and jumped into his arms planting a heavy kiss on his cheek. "I love it!"

"I'm glad you do." He smiled. "You don't have to wear it today but I thought it would look good with what I'm wearing."

"What are you wearing?" She asked frowning, he hadn't told her and she hadn't asked till now.

"A white flannel shirt and some pants." He replied kissing her cheek gently as he held her body into his. "Now we need to get ready, we're meeting the photographer in an less than two hours."

"I know, today is going to be amazing." She smiled before latching a gentle kiss onto him.

"Yeas, amazing." He replied before letting go of her so she could go and get ready.

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Sweltering was the only word Olivia could think of to describe the heat filing Manhattan. The summer sun was shining brightly on the happy couple as they walked into central park to meet the photographer. He was all set up and waiting for them and after brief introductions they got straight into taking photos.

It took three hours and Olivia was cranky by the time they were finished. Once they thanked the photographer and waved him off Olivia turned to Dean with her arms folded across her chest.

"What?" He asked sensing she was mad.

"Seriously?" She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"What?" He asked again.

"He was a pervert." Olivia spat.

"Oh come on..."

"No some of those positions he got us into and ... the places his hand 'brushed' against when he helped place us because we were too busy laughing?" Olivia hissed.

"Oh come on it wasn't that bad. We had fun didn't we?" He smiled gently rubbing his nose into hers.

"Yeah we did ... oh I'm sorry if I come off all ungrateful Dean it was amazing I'm just glad it's over now though, didn't expect it to take so long." Olivia explained.

"Well when we get the first copies of the photos and we see how amazing they turned out you'll forget all about the perverted photographer and remember the lovely morning we had taking photos in central park." Dean spoke softly almost seductively into her ear.

"Yeah." She agreed. "I actually can't wait to see them, some of them are going to be hilarious Dean, I'm sure he was posing us like loved up teenagers." She laughed.

"When I'm with you I feel like a loved up teenager." He replied.

"Hmm, why don't we go to that little bistro for lunch? My treat?" She suggested feeling slightly hungry having skipped breakfast.

"Well actually, I already have lunch covered and am just waiting ... oh hold on." Dean pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and Olivia felt her heart hammer inside her chest, she wasn't ready to end this weekend.

_**Cragen: Everything's set up, too busy to leave it so we'll be here when you arrive.**_

"Ahh well your next surprise is ready so come on." He smiled taking her hand as she slipped her sunglasses over her eyes.

"You do know I hat surprises right?" She asked as they slowly walked hand in hand.

"I know but I love surprising you." He smiled before kissing her temple.

"Ok, you're lucky I trust you!" She laughed.

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They slowly walked into a more secluded area of central park and Olivia felt a mix of nerves and excitement. Dean slipped behind her and cupped his hands over her eyes making her shiver with anticipation.

"We're nearly there." He whispered as he slowly lead her further on.

When he arrived he saw Cragen, Munch and Fin and they gave him the thumbs up hiding Olivia's next surprise.

"Ok you can look now." Dean smiled removing his hands from her eyes.

She blinked her eyes needing to adjust to the light and she grinned as she saw her co-workers but they quickly stepped to the side revealing the real surprise.

Her mouth fell open as she saw a picnic blanket laid out with a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket.

"Do you like it?" Dean asked fearful that she didn't.

"Oh I love it!" She smiled jumping into his arms.

He lifted her clean off the floor making her flip flops fall off her feet onto the grass.

"Good." He smiled as he placed her back down and without putting her shoes back on she rushed over to hug her co-workers.

"How long have you been planning this for?" She asked in shock.

"All day yesterday, Dean said he wanted to set up a surprise for you and needed some help and we happily obliged." Cragen smiled.

"Thank you so much!" She beamed.

"Well we'll leave you too it and see you both bright and early tomorrow." Cragen smiled.

"You're not staying?" She asked surprised even more.

"No, this is your romantic weekend and that doesn't include the three of us, you enjoy yourself." Cragen smiled before pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Thanks again Don, Detectives." Porter smiled shaking their hands.

"You could use our names, he's Munch and I'm Fin." Fin replied a little annoyed at being called Detective on his day off.

"Sorry, will take a while to get used to Fin." He smiled. "But again thank you for helping me with this."

Dean slipped an arm around Olivia's shoulders and gave her a squeeze as the three men walked off.

"So what do you think?" He asked a gentle smile playing on his lips.

"I love it and you are full of surprises." Olivia laughed turning to face him.

"I know, now come on let's eat and enjoy before it's too late." Dean smiled taking her hand and slowly leading her to the cushions waiting for them.

They sat down together and Dean severed them both a glass of champagne and pulled out the salads and fruit for them to eat.

"Wow, you're one of a kind Dean." Olivia smiled as she took the salad from his hands.

"You make me want to be." He replied and as cheesy as it was Olivia just grinned happily.

They talked lightly as they ate and then they sat back together on the cushion's Olivia sitting into Dean's chest as he held around her.

"This is perfect." He whispered before nipping gently at her ear.

"Yeah." She smiled, the truth was that's all she'd been thinking about since they'd sat down together.

Dean's hand was on her upper thigh stroking her gently, he was unaware of the growing ache for his touch and the wetness that had pooled.

"Dean..." She whispered turning to look at him.

"What?" He asked before gently kissing her.

"If you don't move your hand I think we might get arrested for public indecency, doesn't look good on a cop who works sex crimes." She laughed breathlessly as the arousal reached an all time high.

"You're not a cop who works sex crimes Livia, you're a special agent who works sex crimes." He winked as he slipped his hand under the folds of her dress.

"I don't know if that makes it better or worse." She laughed as his hand stroked her slit through her panties.

Dean took the empty champagne glass from her hand and put it down on the ground before slipping from beneath her laying her down gently on the cushions. Her back arched and her head fell back as he slipped off her panties in one quick, easy motion.

"Today..." He whispered as his hand returned to her aching centre. "Is all about you."

"Then kiss me." She replied.

He didn't hesitate in leaning over her and planting a gentle kiss on her lips before latching his lips firmly onto hers. As her tongue seeked entry into his mouth he slipped on finger inside her making her gasp quietly, he'd never seen anything so beautiful.

"God Dean." She whispered into his mouth as he slowly pumped and twisted his finger.

"You like that baby?" He asked her because her pleasure was what mattered to him today, making her happy.

"Yeah." She replied as he slipped a second finger in making her back arch further towards him.

He worked her slowly at first, and she tried to enjoy it but being slow wasn't for her.

"God Dean faster." She pleaded in a moan.

"Like this?" He asked quickening up a little.

She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded trying desperately not to call out in pure ecstasy.

"More?" he asked knowing she was close to breaking.

"Yeah." She gasped as he latched his thumb onto her clit. "Fuck more."

It only took a few more seconds before she let out a deep moan and he dropped his mouth to hers as she climaxed, releasing everything she had for him. He continued to pump his fingers taking her through the orgasm till she fell back. He took his fingers from her and cleaned them off with his tongue.

"Oh my God." Olivia laughed.

"What?" He asked leaning in and kissing her, remnants of her on his lips.

"I just had an orgasm in public." She laughed turning so she could face him.

"I don't think anyone saw." He teased, the place they where was pretty secluded and he'd tried to make it as least obvious as he could.

"You are quite something you know that?" She asked as he lay beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"Yeah." He laughed kissing the top of her head as the cuddled.

They spent the next few hours finishing off the champagne bottle and talking together until it began to get cold, the summer sun began to set behind the tall buildings which just reminded them of the time.

"We should head off." Dean pointed out.

"I don't want to move." She said her head still planted firmly on his chest.

"If we don't we'll miss dinner reservations." He informed her.

"What?" She asked in shock.

"Dinner, you and me, la Rosa's the Italian." He explained smiling as she slowly climbed from his chest.

"But you've already done all this." She exclaimed.

"Today is about us Liv, about you and me and doing ordinary couple stuff with no work involved." He explained. "We had a good morning, then we had a great afternoon and now ... now we're going to have a fantastic evening." He smiled pulling her to her feet.

"Then we should start packing everything up." She smiled enjoying every minute of this.

"Yeah we should." He replied leaning in and capturing her in a slow but deep kiss.

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At the restaurant they kept the conversation light, they laughed, they talked, they ate and they drank and mainly just basked in the warmth of each other's company. Neither one admitting that they never thought they'd end up like this, neither one able to comprehend that not so long ago they broke each other's hearts when they had to choose their jobs over each other.

It was tough, Olivia had been thinking a lot about having to choose her job of the FBI Agent she'd slowly fallen for. The truth was her fear was getting the better of her and even though she didn't want to spoil the evening the more she thought about it the more evident it was on her face and the more obvious it was to Dean who'd been avoiding asking her what it was that was bothering her.

"Livia?" He eventually asked knowing that now he needed to know what was bothering her so much.

"What?" She asked coming back from her thoughts and fixating her eyes upon his.

"What's bothering you?" He asked gently as he took her hand into his own hoping to bring her some comfort in the hope that she would bare her soul to him.

"Just thinking." She shrugged giving his hand a gentle squeeze wanting him to relax again but she knew she would have to tell him more. "Just thinking about us."

"What about us?" He asked moving in closer to her so that she could feel the warmth emulating from his body.

"When ... you know when you left ..." She began and Dean realised just how deep this conversation was going to go and quickly took a deep breath hoping that this conversation wouldn't end up with one of them in internal pain.

"Yeah go on." He encouraged knowing she needed to know it was an ok subject for her to broach.

"Well, we had to choose our jobs over each other, what ... what happens next time?" She explained her voice in a near whisper and her eyes fixated on her empty wine glass.

"What do you mean next time?" He asked her feeling perplexed at the uncertainty in her voice.

"You know, if we're faced with choosing each other over the job." She explained still avoiding his eyes because she didn't want to see the emotion that she knew would be visible there.

"I'd never choose the job over you again Olivia, that's a promise, I made that mistake once and I certainly won't ever make it again." He spoke firmly and Olivia couldn't help but turn to face him so that she could read his face, she needed to see the truth as well as hear it.

"I know." She nodded having seen that every word he spoken was the truth. "I guess I'm still a little ..." Her voice broke, she hated admitting weakness to anyone and she certainly wasn't going to begin now.

"It's ok." He smiled dropping a kiss on her temple. "What do you say we pay the bill and get out of here?"

"Sounds good, we've had a long day and we're working tomorrow." She smiled as he began calling over for the check.

"Who said anything about this day being over?" He winked seductively and Olivia just smiled.

She knew if he had anything to do with it this day would be far from over.

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**Next Chapter – A lead from the Agent's in Florida has everyone from the one six on a plane to ... you'll have to wait and see! **


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**There's a bit of a jump here! **

Chapter Seven

The last six weeks had flown by, Olivia and Dean had both settled into a comfortable routine at work and at home alternating between their apartments. Olivia was still convinced she was in the honeymoon period in both work and with Dean and she was convinced the happiness she felt wasn't meant to last.

"Hey baby." Dean smiled coming into her office.

"Hey." She grinned as he leant over the desk planting a soft and gentle kiss on her full lips.

"Ok so we have a lead on the case." He smiled.

That was one thing Olivia had loved about working with the feds, she was only working one case at a time unless the leads died out and as it happened with the case she'd been working from the start of her job as a Special Agent it hadn't lost any leads. They'd tracked down over three hundred girls who had been brought in from Central America to the US to work as slaves. Olivia and Dean had been working very well together, she and him seemed to click into place and worked a rhythm out well. They'd been managing the case with SVU and they seemed to work as one big team better than anyone had ever expected.

"So what's the lead?" Olivia asked coming out of her trance.

"There's a shipment of girls coming in." He replied.

"Ok where?" Olivia asked knowing they would have to leave the state to fulfil this one.

"Texas." He replied. "We, and that includes the Detectives at SVU, are going to Texas baby."

"Texas? Cool, shame it's for work, I've never been to Texas before." She smiled as she leant up to capture his lips in a soft kiss.

"Yeah I need ... to go ... over ... the details ... with you." He mumbled into her kiss.

"Ok." She sighed pulling out of the kiss and pulling open her desk drawer.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked eyeing up her open drawer.

"Case file, note book, pen." She explained pulling the items out before dragging herself out of the comfortable leather desk chair she enjoyed relaxing in.

They made their way over to the couch and Olivia's eyes dragged over the large canvass photograph that had been hanging there for nearly six weeks. It was of Olivia and Dean when they had the photographer taking photos of them in Central Park. It had been Dean's idea to have a large one up in his office and she'd decided if he was going to do it then so was she, the walls were now plastered with canvass' and frames from that photoshoot but this was the only one large enough not to be missed by anyone who entered the room.

It had been her favourite photograph of the lot. It was more natural, Olivia was sure that this was one the photographer had just managed to capture when they weren't paying attention. It wasn't as posed as most of the other photographs. She loved how Dean's forehead pressed into her temple, her neck bent into his and both of them smiling broadly and naturally. It was a close up too, framing their faces perfectly and managing to capture the love emulating from both of them.

Once sat down Olivia opened her case file and sat her notebook on her lap ready for Dean to explain to her how it was all going to go down.

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When they arrived at the one six they walked together towards the bullpen. The Detective's ears hitched and they all knew that the Agent's had arrived the clip clap of Olivia's heels and Dean's shoe's marching in perfect sync as always had them knowing that the Agent's had something for them.

Cragen had already spoken with Olivia on the phone so he knew what was going to happen and knew how it was all going to go down. He met the two at the screens and beckoned over the rest of the detectives so Olivia and Dean could fill them in.

"Right so we're all going to Texas." Dean said making the Detectives look around at each other nervously.

"We're going there to stop a shipment of girls." Olivia explained.

Fin and Munch shared a knowing look, Olivia and Dean were already continuing each other's conversations and they both knew it wouldn't be long before they were finishing off each other's sentences and reading each other's minds.

"We have had word from the undercover team in Texas that a shipment of girls is going to arrive a dock in Texas in four days time." Dean continued.

"We're going to be leaving tomorrow and flying to Lolita and then the cars will take us to Olivia."

"Excuse me?" Munch spluttered as the other three Detectives laughed and Olivia herself blushed scarlet.

"Very funny guys it's a place in Texas." Olivia hissed angrily, she wasn't in the mood for them to be childish about the place having the same name as her.

"Ok go on." Fin manages to mumble through his laughter.

"We're all going to be living together in a house in Olivia, the shipment will arrive and we will chase down the sellers from there, we'll get briefed by the agents in Texas when we arrive." Dean explained knowing that Olivia was angry by the way she'd crossed her arms across her chest and was standing, leaning into one hip with all her weight on one leg.

"We leave at oh six hundred hours from here, don't be late." Olivia finished before turning to Cragen and nodding her head towards the office meaning that she wanted a word with him.

He nodded back and lead the way, Dean close behind them as they had a lot of last minute plans to make before they all left.

"We leave at oh six hundred hours don't be late." Munch mimicked before he, Fin and Nick burst out with more laughter.

The only one who didn't find it amusing was Amanda, since Olivia had been working more and more over at her office at federal plaza the Special Agent seemed to have let the blonde haired Detective get a little closer, they'd met for coffee and even gone for lunch and shopping together as friends with a deal not to talk about sex crimes.

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The next day the team were sat on the plane waiting for takeoff. Olivia was anxious to say the least, she had an acute fear of flying. Dean remembered back to Oregon, when he had put her on the plane and she'd nearly had a panic attack. He could see her rolling her hands in her lap and he instantly picked up on her shallow breathing. Hr shot a quick glance towards Munch and Fin who were sat opposite them. They were arguing about a conspiracy behind the development of aircraft and flying. Nick who was sitting to the right of Fin had his nose buried in a newspaper and Amanda had her headphones on and was dancing her fingers along her legs to the song blearing in her ears. Deciding it was safe Dean slipped his hand over and took one of Olivia's trembling hands giving it a comforting squeeze, she looked at him and their eyes connected momentarily, her mouth curling into an anxiety filled grateful smile and her eyes thanked him a hundred times over. He smiled back reassuringly and she twisted herself in her seat so she could rest her head upon his shoulder. She may have been insistent about keeping their relationship out of work but it could have been John Munch offering her this reassurance and she'd have taken it.

Once in the air Olivia was able to relax a little, it was takeoff she was mostly scared of about flying

"Seriously Fin! The government and NASA ..."

"I'm the one who's serious, seriously telling you for the last time to shut the hell up old man!" Fin snapped, this conversation had been going on for far too long.

Amanda was humming away to her iPod and Nick looked seriously bored as he looked around the first class booth. Dean excused himself for the bathroom pulling Olivia from her thoughts, her eyes followed him intently as he left and even though it was just for the bathroom her anxiety level rose instantly and she wasn't very good at hiding it. Nick saw how her breath became sharp short inhales and he felt for her. He left his seat for Dean's to take over holding Olivia's hand.

"Ok?" He asked giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, you didn't have to you know." Olivia smiled even though she was very grateful.

"I know, but you looked like you were about to have a panic attack and I don't think Dean would have been to happy, he'd have blamed himself." Nick reasoned.

Olivia nodded, even though Nick hadn't been on the squad long he was as close to Olivia as Munch and Fin, and just as overprotective, she hadn't been able to understand why Nick was so protective over her, Munch and Fin had been with her for so long that she understood it but Nick wasn't as protective over Amanda, even though she was younger and more vulnerable that Olivia. Olivia was grateful to have Nick around with her though, and enjoyed his company.

"I always hated flying." She whispered as if it was a big secret.

"How come?" Nick asked understanding there was an explanation to that statement.

"When I first flew, I was in college and a group of us went to Cali for spring break, we drank so much the much before when we took off I kept being sick and then once we were in the air we were told we would be making an unscheduled stop and ended up circling an airport till we landed because of technical difficulties, when we landed it was a bumpy ride and the plane decided not to stay on the runway, it was lucky no one was hurt." Olivia explained shakily, she didn't even see Dean return and take Nick's seat to listen.

"So that one time bad experience has left you being scared of it happening again." Nick nodded understanding.

"Yeah, it's like, because it was my first time flying, I hadn't had a good experience on a plane to say that it doesn't happen all the time, you know, even though I flown hundreds of times since, I can never get it out of my head." Olivia sighed, she knew she was showing a weakness to the detective but she didn't mind.

"But nothing like that has happened since?" He asked.

"No, but it doesn't stop me being scared that it will." Olivia explained her breath shivering with her spine.

"I understand, I mean, I'm scared of clowns." Nick laughed gently.

"Really?" Olivia asked cocking her eyebrow to look at him.

"Well only clowns who go all out, not lame ones, I watched a movie about a clown when I was about nine, it was a scary movie, and I have never been able to be around clowns since." He explained his face flushing red with embarrassment.

"My fear's fire." Dean interjected making both Olivia and Nick look at him. "You know, burning to death."

"Really?" Olivia asked in shock, she hadn't ever thought of these men being scared of anything.

"Yeah, I see fire and I panic a little." He smiled and came over to her, kneeling down in front of her to talk. "See you don't have to be ashamed of being scared, we're all scared of something or other."

Olivia hadn't noticed that Munch, Fin and Amanda were now listening in on their conversation.

"I just feel weak when I'm scared." She whispered pressing her forehead into his even though her hand was still gripped tight in Nick's.

"I have another fear that probably beats my fear of fire." He continued.

"What would that be agent?" Olivia asked her eyes closed as her rolled his forehead backwards and forwards across hers.

"The fear I have of losing you."

She stopped and looked at him, their eyes meeting, no words needed to be spoken and as Olivia leant forward and dropped her lips onto his she didn't care that the detectives around her were feeling awkwardly uncomfortable.

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When they landed in Lolita they hastily grabbed their bags and made for the agent holding the sign with Olivia on it, neither were sure if it was the Agent's name or the place but they definitely knew it was for them, the dark aviator sunglasses and business suit was a mild giveaway.

"Agent Porter, Agent Benson, glad to see you've all arrived safe and sound." The agent smiled. "I'm Agent Angelo and I'm going to be your contact while we're out here."

"Detectives Munch, Tutuola, Amaro and Rollins." Olivia smiled gently as she introduced her co-workers.

The Agent gave the Detectives a curt nod but he wasn't interested in them, he was only interested in filling the Agent's in on the case because he'd worked his ass off for months on it and it was FBI the last thing he wanted to do was work with the NYPD.

"Right once we're en route to Olivia we'll fill you in." Angelo smiled his arm extending to show the way.

Olivia ignored the sniggering coming from Munch and Fin as they followed behind her long black coat whipping with the natural wind she created with her walk. Amanda, being quite the fashion observer loved how Olivia's dark coat and Dean's camel coloured coat both whipped in time as they walked in sync with each other three steps ahead of the lowly detectives, she didn't mind that, she thought it was great that Olivia had a promotion and was still working with their unit, she admired the older woman a lot, not that she'd ever admit that to Olivia.

Once they were all piled into the blacked out van Olivia and Dean were given a manila jacket while the detectives had to just sit and listen to the agents speak FBI, they realised how different it was having three agents talking to each other compared to three cops, the way they had code words and used a complete different format to the NYPD that none of them understood, Olivia herself could only grasp some bits of the conversation as her training courses were too boring and she spent most of them dreaming about her time with Dean.

"Ok so the shipment is expected to arrive in three days time, in that time we've got a team tracking the shipment as it comes in, we've reason to believe that the perps will not be with them when they arrive, not the sellers anyway, they will be the curriers and they're the ones we need you two to get while the Detectives deal with the girls." Agent Angelo explained as he ruffled his cropped blonde hair with one hand.

"Ok." Dean nodded his eyes not leaving the file in his hands.

"We're set up in the house beside the one you lot will be staying, there will be a lot of coming and going while we fill you up with all the details and stuff, it's going to be a good week before we can safely get you all back on a plane and back to New York." He continued blissfully unaware that no one was really listening to him anymore.

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Olivia's jaw snapped wide open when they climbed out of the van. The house they would be staying in was a modern complex and she realised that working for the FBI sure had its advantages. They all walked inside behind Agent Angelo and Olivia was surprised to see that the inside was as modern as the outside, kitted out with everything to make it look like a typical home and not a base where four detectives and two agents were going to be working for the next few days.

"Ok so here are your keys." He said handing out a bunch of keys to everyone. "One for the front door, one for the back door and one for your bedrooms."

"What you're saying there's five bedrooms in this place?" Amaro asked not realising how big the place was.

"Five? You mean six right? And anyway, it has eight bedrooms and one has been converted into a media room and another into a conference room." He explained.

Olivia and Dean shared a look when the amount of bedrooms was corrected by the agent, they'd not really thought about being together or apart over this week but Dean was damn sure he wasn't going to have Olivia sleeping in a different room to him, he'd been sharing a bed with her for seven weeks and that wasn't going to change now, not today, this week or ever in his opinion. Fin was also looking at them, him finding the whole thing quite funny especially considering he'd had the pleasure of going to Olivia's office at Federal Plaza and had seen the array of photographs including the large canvass on her wall, it wasn't a secret to anyone in the feds they were together.

"Ok so I'll leave you all to get settled in, Benson and Porter we expect to see you next door at eighteen hundred hours here are your keys for there." He handed the two agents another set of keys each before nodding his head and slipping off.

"Wow, so I guess we should go and put our things away." Olivia smiled glancing nervously at Dean before smiling confidently at everyone else.

"Yeah, you have a meeting at eighteen hundred hours." Munch sniggered, he couldn't get used to the fact Olivia was an Agent, she'd always be Detective in his eyes.

"Yes and then when we get back Munch you get the pleasure of listening to everything we have learnt so we can catch some of the sons of bitches that are kidnapping ten year olds and selling them as sex slaves ok?" Olivia hissed angrily, she'd had enough of his witty comments and snide remarks towards her new position.

"Come on Liv, let it go." Dean whispered picking up their suitcases and heading for the stairs while Olivia glared at Munch, her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

"Go on Liv." Fin smiled nudging her and she nodded and gave Munch on last warning look before disappearing after Dean.

Everyone else just looked around at each other unsure of what to say without making someone else uncomfortable. Amanda Rollins was the first to move, excusing herself for the bedrooms and Nick Amaro was quick to follow unsure of the tension thick in the air. Once he was sure they were out of earshot Fin turned on Munch.

"What's your problem?" He asked.

"I don't have a problem." Munch shrugged.

"Yes you do, ever since Olivia transferred to the feds you've been up her ass and quite frankly getting on all of our nerves." Fin spat angrily, Munch may have been his partner but Olivia was like a sister to him and he wasn't about to watch her as she hurt because Munch was an ass.

"I'm not up her ass at all Fin." Munch sighed picking up his suitcase and heading towards the stairs.

"Then lay off her old man, she'd been through shit since Stabler left the last thing she needs is you being horrible." Fin yelled after him before grabbing his own suitcase and hoping that what he had said would have hit somewhere deep with John Munch because Olivia was at the verge of cracking, Fin had seen it and he wasn't about to let that happen.

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After Olivia and Dean had filled everyone in on what the agents had told them about the case Olivia and Amanda decided they'd cook for everyone. It was nice for both of them, being the only women in the squad, to be able to spend time with each other being female and not acting like the men their co-workers expected them to act like.

"So how different is being a fed compared to being a cop?" Amanda asked as she chopped the onion and Olivia chopped peppers beside her.

"It's not that different, I mean, I only have to work one case at a time either until the leads run out or the case gets cold, I don't have to worry so much about paperwork as I have people who do that area for me and I have a better gun and my own office, not much to tell really." Olivia shrugged, the truth was being an Agent was cool and she loved it but she wasn't about to tell that to Amanda with the chance of it getting back to Munch who was a complete ass with her about it.

"How have you managed changing over though?" Amanda asked gently.

"I don't know, I went undercover years ago for the Feds, Dean was my contact in Oregon and I guess we have known we'd make a good team since then, even after ..." Olivia's voice trailed off for a moment as she glance towards the door making sure no one was listening in. "Even after everything that happened between us since then, we always knew it would somehow work out and then all the training courses and stuff I've done since then have just made it all the more fun." Olivia explained trying to finish on a lighter note than where the conversation was headed, but the truth was Amanda wanted to know more.

She was curious, she couldn't help it and as she studied Olivia's face she realised that she could broach the subject gently and if Olivia really didn't want to talk about it then she'd accept it and move on.

"What really happened between you and Dean? The Captain kinda filled us in but, it's not the same coming from a third party."

Olivia paused for a moment, contemplating whether or not now or ever to tell Amanda Rollins everything that had gone down between herself and Dean. As she flicked on the heat of the cooker and poured in some oil she realised that if there was going to be any hope of a friendship between her and Amanda the first step had to be trusting her and Amanda had already filled Olivia in on a lot of her past, she'd proved that she trusted the older woman and it seemed fitting to return the favour.

"Well pass us a glass of wine and I'll fill you in as I finish cooking." Olivia smiled as she added the mince into the now hot frying pan.

Amanda smiled to herself as she poured Olivia a generous amount of wine knowing that it would give her something to distract her as she revealed some intimate details of her past. Once she'd taken a hearty swig of the red liquid she set the glass down and turned her attention back to the pan.

"I went undercover to Oregon after infiltrating an eco-terrorist group, my name was Persephone James, and I was living with a bunch of advocates who weren't terrorists in the end but anyway, while I was undercover a man was killed, turned out the girl who'd killed him had been missing since she was ten years old, she was then seventeen. I found the crime scene while I was trying to clear my groups name and the sheriff figured out I was a cop. Dean agreed to let me work the case with him and we worked well together, I convinced him that I was good with victims, he didn't believe me at first ..." Olivia laughed gently. But once I was done, I convinced him otherwise." Olivia explained a smiled playing on her lips as she recalled the memory, the memory of her first encounter with the real Dean not Agent Porter.

"I'm not surprised, you do have a way with victims." Amanda agreed as she played with her own wine glass and leant into the kitchen counter to listen to more.

"Once back in New York it wasn't long before I came across Dean Porter again. I ran my DNA through the system to look for a familial match and found my brother Simon, he was accused of rape and went on the run and I kinda sent him some money and got my ass in a sling for it, Dean is the Agent who picked me up and questioned me about it. I promised Dean should Simon contact me again I'd let him know, I even led Dean to Simon, turns out Simon was innocent and I proved it. I knew it all along really, I just let a psychotic woman convince me otherwise for a short period of time." Olivia hated remembering that she'd been made to believe her brother was a rapist, she had hated herself for a while after that, it had been lucky Simon didn't blame her because she know had a considerable relationship with her brother.

"I didn't know you had a brother." Amanda shrugged, Olivia was that closed off from her co-workers the new Detectives knew nothing about her family history, only what Munch and Fin had revealed.

"You didn't?" Olivia sighed. "There's a picture of us on my desk."

"Figured he was a friend, but in saying that I did wonder if he was a cousin or something because you look alike." Amanda smiled gently pressing the wine glass to her lips as she spoke.

"Yeah we have some similarities." Olivia nodded, she didn't like admitting she looked anything like Simon because that meant admitting she looked like her father.

"Ok so what happened next with your relationship?" Amanda asked sensing the discomfort Olivia had.

"The next time I saw Dean was when Fin's nephew Darius Parker was on trial for murder. A cop who had a grudge against Cragen was giving the defence information about the squad, and they were trying to subpoena Dean to testify against my credibility, he went on the run to stop the subpoeana being served but ..." Olivia sighed remembering how close she had come to losing her job over the mess.

"But?" Amanda asked wanting to know the details.

"But I knew it had to come out eventually, so I turned myself into IAB." Olivia explained. "They'd have taken my shield if it wasn't for Cragen, I don't know what he did or what he said but I know Cragen got his ass in a sling over it."

"Wow, sounds like Cragen really wanted to keep you around." Amanda smiled.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded thinking about the man who had been the father figure in her life since her first day at SVU.

"Ok so what happened after that?" Amanda asked really enjoying getting to know such intimate details of Olivia's privet life, she'd never expected her to be so honest and open.

"That's when things went south between me and Dean." Olivia sighed heavily. "Elliot and I were working a case, it was supposed to be feds or Dean working the drugs and Elliot and me working the murders, we went after the drugs together in the end because that's where the murder investigation took us. Elliot and I were in the airport going after a suspect while Dean was to stop the drugs from leaving. Elliot got made as a cop quite quick and so it was left to me but then I got made..." Olivia's voice broke again as she remember the horrifying events that occurred after she'd been lead away.

"Ok?" Amanda asked realising how much of a sensitive topic they were on.

"Yeah ..." Olivia nodded. "After I was made he lead me off, shot a cop and then stood with a gun to my head, Elliot came after me, tried talking me down, the worse thing is it was my own gun he had pressed to my head ... never thought I'd find myself in that situation ..." Olivia laughed weakly at her own lame attempt at making that scene feel a little lighter that it actually was, she could never forget how terrified she'd been in that moment. "Dean heard the call for back up over the radio and he shot the perp from a distance, I'll never forget the look in his eye when ..." Olivia's mouth snapped shut, it wasn't who she was talking about, she wasn't supposed to mention him or not his eyes anyway ... those sapphire eyes ... she snapped herself out of it and shook her head to clear the fog that had descended on her mind.

"Livia?" Amanda asked passing a tissue over.

She hadn't even realised that she'd begun crying, and that was more shameful than anything.

"Sorry. Thanks." She whispered taking the tissue and turning away from Amanda.

"It's ok." Amanda smiled.

"Mm something smells good in here." Fin smiled and Olivia had never been so relieved to hear his voice.

"Well I hope you're hungry Fin because I've made more than enough!" She smiled as Amanda started scooping up the long spaghetti strings onto the plates beside the salad.

"We're all starving, I'd come to see what was taking so long." Fin smiled nicking a piece of pepper from the nearest plate and throwing it into his mouth.

"Well it's ready and as it's such a lovely day why don't we go outside to eat?" Olivia suggested having been interested in doing that since she'd seen the eight seater table in the secluded back yard.

"I'll go tell the boys to get their asses outside." Amanda smiled sensing that Fin had something he wanted to say to Olivia without her around.

Once Amanda's blond hair flicked around the corner and out of sight Fin looked at Olivia, the concern echoing from his eyes.

"Liv?" He whispered as Olivia placed the sauce on the plates.

"What?" She asked oblivious to his concern.

"You've been crying." He whispered hoping that no one was close enough to hear him.

"Have not." She replied.

"You were never good at lying to me Liv, and the red blotches under your eyes and the crumpled tissue in your hand says the opposite, why were you crying baby girl?" He asked resting his hand on her lower arm trying to coax her ... in the same way Elliot would.

She shook her head violently, now was not the time to be thinking about Elliot Stabler ... now? Never, she never wanted to think about him again, he'd hurt her, he'd hurt her after he'd promised that he could never hurt her and she wasn't about to crumble and fall apart because of him ... not in the way she had when she first found out he'd turned in his papers.

"I'm fine Fin, honest, I was just talking about some stuff with Amanda, got a bit teary that's all." She shrugged, it was the truth ... sort of.

"Ok just promise me, if anything ever upsets you that you'll come talk to me, I'm always going to be here for you." He whispered gently.

"He said that too." She whispered as another tear ran down her cheek.

Fin suddenly realised what she meant and his mouth hung open in shock.

"Olivia?" He asked after a few tense seconds passed.

"It's nothing Fin, forget I said anything please." She whispered almost pleading.

He stared at her as she wiped the stray tears away and attempted to hide any emotion from her face.

"You still think about him huh?" He asked, he was angry at Elliot for what he'd done to Olivia, she deserved more than that.

"No, just something me and Manda were talking about made me think of him." She shrugged. "I don't have room for him in my life anymore, he's not welcome in it Fin and I'd appreciate it if we could keep this between us and never mention it again." She replied snapping more than she'd planned too.

"Ok Liv, just promise you'll come talk to me if you're upset." He replied picking up a couple of plates to carry to the hungry people outside.

"Sure." She shrugged, not that she wanted to lie to him, but knowing he wouldn't drop it if she didn't she picked up a couple of plates and followed him outside wanting to forget all about her thoughts of Elliot Stabler.

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**Next Chapter – Third day in Olivia and the case is about to take a turn as is something else! **


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**AN: I've had a review telling me to move this story from Elliot and Olivia to Olivia and Dean but I PROMISE that this is an E.O story, it's not far off the E.O now but this is more Dean and Olivia for a few more chapters, it's how I want this story to play, I'm hoping that when the EO finally comes it will have been worth the wait. This is a DRAMATIC ROMANCE so just a hint ... if this isn't your cup of tea then switch off, I don't expect everyone who reads one of my stories to like them all, because neither two are the same. Steff oxox**

Chapter Eight

Everyone was gathered around pulling on wires for the operation that would go down that afternoon. The past three days had consisted of planning this operation that could easily claim the lives of the detectives and agents who would be attempting to rescue sixty young girls as soon as they entered the United States. It wasn't going to be easy, they knew that, they were all hoping for the best but they knew there was a chance they wouldn't walk out of this alive. Dean helped Olivia pull on her bulletproof vest with a heavy heart, he was petrified of losing her in this operation, that was what was worrying her the most not the possibility of himself not walking out of it alive.

"Liv..." He whispered his head nodding towards the outside door.

Olivia followed him into the hot Texas sun and waited patiently for him to explain to her his reason for bringing her out here.

"Livia, I know that there's a risk with our job, every day we face the possibility of being killed in the line of duty ..."

"Dean..."

"Let me finish ..." He wanted to tell her everything before he bottled it. "I am so scared of losing you again, I would rather die than lose you Olivia and I want ... Marry me?"

Her eyes gazed into his, she could see not only fear but love too.

"I know it's soon Olivia but I love you and if something happens to us today I want to know if you would marry me and if we both make it out of this alive then I actually want to marry you." He explained his reason for asking but the smile on her face proved she'd already made up her mind.

"Of course I'll marry you Dean, I'd be absolutely honoured to marry you." She smiled wrapping her arms around him and planting a passionate kiss on his lips needing to feel that connection between them.

"I love you Livia, I love you so much." He whispered as he held her tight.

"I love you too." She replied tears of joy stinging her eyes. "Now let's go get us some bad guys!"

Together they went back into the house to finish the preparations both Dean and Olivia couldn't resist being happy and smiling even though they tried to hide this from her co-workers, they all knew something was up but decided to not ask anything about it.

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"Liv you in position?" Fin's voice carried into her ear.

"Yeah you?" Olivia replied talking into the small wire at her wrist.

"Yeah Munch?" Fin continued.

"Yup Rollins?" Munch continued.

"In position Nick?"

"Yeah here to Porter?"

"Right here."

They could only wait now, they knew the shipment was about to arrive at any minute, it was now just a simple waiting game.

"Hey Liv ..." Fin called.

"What?" She asked looking through her binoculars towards the dock.

"What did Porter say that made you both so happy earlier?"

Olivia chuckled softly, Fin was one of the first people she wanted to tell but everyone on the squad was hooked to the same system and she wasn't sure if she was ready to announce it out.

"Liv?" Fin continued but Olivia didn't get the chance to reply as Dean's voice carried into her ear.

"Olivia agreed to marry me." Porter explained and she heard gasps and cheers from the others.

"Really?" Fin asked.

"Yeah." Olivia replied knowing that Fin wasn't as happy as everyone else was about the news.

"Congrats Benson." He sighed knowing that this wasn't right but deciding it best not to say anything to her or not while Porter could listen in anyway.

"Thanks Fin." Olivia smiled unsure if he did accept that she'd agreed to marry Dean or not, it didn't make much of a difference to her, Dean wasn't exactly Fin's best friend, if anything, Fin still hated the guy for what he had done to Olivia all those years before.

Olivia had been so caught up in sharing her news with her co-workers she hadn't heard the footsteps behind her, she wasn't aware of anything until she felt the business end of a gun up against the back of her head and the unmistakable click of the safety being removed.

"Don't move a muscle." A harsh voice hissed towards her.

"Ok, I'm not moving." She replied knowing that her co-workers could hear her and she should keep as calm as possible as they figured out a way to help her.

"Olivia?" Dean's voice echoed in her ear.

"Liv!" Fin's voice yelled.

"What's happening?" Amanda's voice was more worried than anything else.

"Benson say something come on!" Amaro called, his voice was panicked.

"Olivia is there someone there with you, say something to let us know what's going on." Munch's voice was the most soothing of all, it reminded her that she wasn't alone.

"What can I do for you?" Olivia asked, it was a stupid question but it let her co-workers know that she wasn't alone but she was at least alive.

"Give me your gun." The cold hard voice was almost a slap in the face.

"I can do that, just take a step back so I can reach it," Olivia replied.

The man complied without complaining but Olivia knew the gun was still fixed firmly on the back of her head and one sign of a wrong move and she could be killed instantly.

"Ok... there we go." Olivia whispered her hand reaching back with her loaded weapon.

"Now get down on your knees and shut the hell up."

Olivia complied being careful not to make any sudden movements.

Her heart hammered hard inside her chest, she was trying to block out the commands she could hear from her co-workers in her ears as she tried to focus in on the gruff voice from behind her. The barrel of his gun was back at her head and she was sure this was her last few minutes alive, she was whispering a silent prayer inside her head when she felt him pull her up by the back of the sweater momentarily choking her.

He spun them both around so his back was against the wall Olivia had been hiding behind and she now faced the open rooftop just as Fin, Nick and Dean hurried through the door.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" The gruff voice called and Olivia closed her eyes tight, she didn't want to see their horrified faces just before she died, she wanted to remember them smiling and laughing just before this had all gone down.

"Drop your weapon!" Fin called his trailing on the perp.

"No, you'll drop yours if you want this silly little bitch to survive."

_Silly little bitch? Cheeky son of a bitch. _Olivia was trying to think of anything to keep calm and somehow internal sarcasm worked.

Dean could see the fear on Olivia's face even though her eyes were squeezed shut. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to tell her everything would be alright but he knew that wasn't possible from where he was standing.

"What do you want?" Olivia asked, her voice trembling. "Tell us what you want?"

"I want the girls to leave Texas safely and go to the people who bought them." He replied.

"Why?" Olivia continued trying to distract him as she could hear Munch and Rollins voices in her ear talking with who she hoped would save her life.

"Because the sellers will kill me and my family if their produce doesn't arrive their owners." He explained angrily.

"We can't do that, but we can protect you and your family, give you some form of immunity to help us." Olivia explained as Fin, Nick and Dean just watched.

"You can't do that, you're just cops." He yelled the gun digging further into Olivia's temple making her wince in pain.

"No, no we're not just cops, I'm Special Agent Olivia Benson, over there is Special Agent Dean Porter, we can help you if you let us." Olivia explained as the wind whipped around them.

"You are lying!" He yelled and Olivia recognised an accent, she wasn't sure what accent but she could definitely tell that English was this guys second language.

"No! No I'm not, I wouldn't lie to you right now, I would never lie especially when there's a gun to my head." She explained hurriedly, she was convinced if she couldn't convince this guy that they could help and have him lower his weapon then she would only leave the roof in a body bag.

"I have five children, they said, if anything happened to the product they would hold me responsible. They would kill my family, my wife Loredana, she is expecting twins, out sixth and seven children, what am I supposed to do?" He cried frustration audible in his voice.

"Put the gun down, we can help you if you let us!" Fin called, he was getting more scared the more minutes that went by.

None of them expected what happened next, two gun shots, one right after the other with both Olivia and their perp tumbling to the ground.

"Livia!" Dean screamed, all three of them rushed over to her.

"Liv were you hit?" Fin yelled as Dean pulled her from beneath the perp into his arms.

"Oh my God!" Dean yelled as he saw blood seeping down her white shirt and a graze on her forehead.

Nick being the calmest pressed his fingers to Olivia's neck trying to find a pulse while Dean clung to her and Fin called for an ambulance.

"What happened?" Olivia croaked making all the men turn to her.

"Livia?" Dean gasped.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Oh thank God." He gasped as Nick tore her jacket from her to find out if she was the one bleeding.

"Lay her down Dean she's been hit." Nick said firmly.

"What?" Olivia gasped as Dean placed her gently on the floor putting his coat behind her head.

"You've got a gunshot wound Liv, don't move." Nick explained as he rolled her into recovery position and used his own jacket as a gauze pressing it just beneath her shoulder blade.

Olivia had been so caught up in the moment she hadn't even realised she'd been hit, but now the pain was agonising and she knew that she was in trouble.

"Oh my God." She hiccupped as Dean stroked her face and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too baby, stay with me baby, God please don't leave me." Dean cried.

"You're going to be alright." Fin whispered clutching onto her hand, there was only one thing going through his mind and that was that the closest person to him to be considered a sister was dying.

"Fin..." She croaked, she felt cold but she was fighting the sensation to close her eyes as much as she felt them getting heavier.

"What is it?" He asked leaning right in so he could hear her.

"Tell Elliot ... tell him ... I'm sorry." She managed before her eyelids flickered shut.

Fin moved out the way as the EMT's rushed over followed by Munch and Rollins, the message Olivia had just given him quickly left her mind as Amanda flung her arms around his neck and sobbed hard.

"Hey girl, she's gonna be alright." He comforted the blonde as much as he could but his heart was breaking, he wasn't sure if he was right or not.

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Everyone paced the waiting room of the Texas hospital. Dean was a trembling mess, Nick was staring into space, his eyes glassy and cold, Amanda was crying into Fin's shoulder, his eyes were closed in silent prayer and Munch was sat with his head down and his back arched as he tried to hide every inch of emotion from his co-workers.

It took three hours before a doctor finally came in to speak with them.

"How's my fiancé?" Dean asked hurriedly but he wasn't down as her next of kin, Fin was.

"Sorry I need to speak with Detective Tutuola." She explained gently.

Fin looked over at Dean apologetically and followed the doctor into the hallway.

"How is she?" He asked desperately.

"Alive and well, did you know that Agent Benson was pregnant?" The doctor asked carefully in case he didn't know the news.

"No, I mean ... she didn't tell me, I'm just her friend, her best friend, I'm sure she would have told me if she knew." Fin replied shakily, he wasn't so sure but he at least hoped she would tell him if she was pregnant.

"Well the foetus didn't make it I'm afraid, her placenta ruptured. She would have bled out had she not gotten here when she did, the gunshot wound was shallow, no damage just a small scar, we managed to remove the bullet without any problems and the wound on her head was just where the bullet grazed the skin, it shouldn't leave a mark when it heals." The doctor explained.

"Ok." He nodded trying to take it all in.

"She was just coming round when I came to speak with you, maybe you'd like to explain the news to her, sometimes it's easier coming from a loved one." The Doctor explained.

"Can I see her?" Fin asked, he knew he should really offer Dean first but Olivia meant more to him than life itself and he thought he should be the one to tell her that she miscarried her baby.

"Of course, just this way." The doctor smiled reassuringly and led the way.

When Fin walked into Olivia's room the first thing he noticed was how peaceful she looked. Her hair fanned out across the pillow, her eyes shut as if sleeping and an unearthly glow from the bedside lamp made her look like a sleeping angel.

As he quietly approached she groaned adjusting herself onto her side before her eyes flickered open and a weak smile curled on her lip.

"Hey." She croaked hoarsely.

"Hey baby girl." Fin felt a rush of relief flood him at hearing her voice and quickly rushed over and took her hand.

"Where is everyone?" She asked expecting the cavalry to be with him.

"The doctor asked me to come and speak with you, tell you what happened before you saw anyone else." He explained.

Olivia's eyes fixed on his as she turned a sickly shade of white, she knew something was wrong for this to be happening.

"What is it Fin?" She asked gripping his hand tightly.

"Liv, baby girl, did you know that you were pregnant?" He asked.

The frantic shaking of her head and tear filled eyes was proof alone of that.

"Your baby didn't make it Liv, I'm so sorry." He whispered as Olivia burst out into silent sobs. "I'm so sorry."

He leant over the bed and gently stroked the hair out of her face as she tried to regain her composure.

"I didn't know!" She whispered through her tears. "Oh my God I didn't know."

"It's ok baby girl, hey there, shh." He cooed hoping to calm her down somewhat.

"Does Dean know?" She asked desperately.

"Not yet, you put me down as your next of kin after ... well a few months ago." He shrugged, he didn't want to bring Elliot Stabler's name into the conversation.

"Oh my God." Olivia replied rolling back so she was flat on her back in the bed groaning as she tried to put least amount of pressure possible on her injured shoulder.

"It's ok Liv, he'll understand, this wasn't your fault." He replied knowing she was going to go straight into the self blame part of grieving.

"I know, it's just, I understand I mean this baby wasn't meant to be, I didn't even know Fin but I have to somehow tell Dean that his baby is dead." She whispered trying to hold back the floodgates.

"He'll understand Olivia." Fin soothed, he's just going to want to make sure you're alright."

"I know." Olivia nodded. "Can you go get him please because I just want to go back to New York."

"I think it will be a few days before we can fly you back out Liv." Fin smiled giving her hand a gentle squeeze before heading off to get the rest of the detectives.

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Olivia lay back in the bed and closed her eyes. She felt awful but she wasn't sure why, had she known she was pregnant it wouldn't have made much of a difference, the case would have still played out the way it did and in the end the baby would have ended up dead but what she felt worse about was knowing that had she found out she was pregnant she wasn't sure she would have been able to be happy about it, she and Dean had only been back together eight weeks and now wasn't the time to be planning a family.

As the door opened she opened her eyes and grinned as Dean rushed over to her. She wrapped her arms tight around him and even though his arm dug into her gunshot wound she didn't care, right now, she needed to feel his touch, his love.

"Livia, oh my God I thought I'd lost you." He cried.

"That could never happen." She replied wiping away at her tears.

He sat down beside her as Munch, Nick and Amanda came over to say hi.

"Someone's been crying!" Olivia cooed as she wiped a stray tear from Amanda's cheek.

"I was so scared of you dying on us." Amanda smiled before wrapping Olivia up in a tight embrace which Olivia returned promptly, she thought it was very sweet that Amanda had been scared of her dying.

Munch was next and though he didn't say anything the embrace and light kiss on the head was enough for Olivia to know that he actually did care.

Then it was Nick who gently pushed his fist against her chin playfully before enveloping her in a very warm and gentle embrace.

"Thanks for not dying on us." He smiled.

"Oh not yet." Olivia laughed before letting him go. "Right when are we getting out of here?"

Everyone looked around at each other, Fin was laughing, he knew Olivia hated hospitals and understood that all she wanted to do was go home to her apartment in New York away from everyone and everything.

"Liv..."

"Don't Liv me Fin I'm fine, go and get the discharge papers from the nurse and get me out of here." She replied sternly, she was a grown woman and could do what she wanted.

"Ok I'll go." He sighed knowing it best not to argue.

"And guys could you give me and Dean a minute." She smiled gently looking around at the rest of the group who nodded and followed Fin out the door.

Dean waited as she stared blankly ahead. He knew she was thinking through whatever it was she was going to say.

"Dean, uh, the doctor told Fin ... well ... I had a miscarriage, but I didn't know I was pregnant I swear!" She hurried the last bit scared that he would freak out if he thought she knew.

"Oh baby, it's ok." He sighed a sigh of relief, he was scared her brush with death had made her change her mind about marrying him. "It's ok, we can try some other time for a baby if that's what you want." He whispered trying to hide the fact that inside his heart was breaking, a baby with Olivia Benson would be his dream come true.

"You're not mad?" She asked.

"No, baby, now wasn't the time but sometime in the future ok?" He replied gently.

"Ok." She nodded as Fin and her Doctor walked into the room.

She knew she was in for it by the stern look on the Doctor's face.

"Ms Benson do you know how close you were to dying?" The doctor asked getting straight to the point.

"No, no one but Fin has told me anything and all he did was say that my baby died." Olivia shrugged.

"Ms Benson your placenta ruptured, you could have bled out, I don't think it would be wise in leaving the hospital for a few days, you need to be on bed rest for a good week!"

"And I can go on that bed rest as soon as I am back in New York." Olivia snapped back.

"Ms Benson you can't fly in your condition." The doctor said.

"My condition? I'm not sick, I miscarried a baby and was shot!" Olivia argued, she wasn't about to back down on this.

"I will allow you to discharge yourself because frankly I can't stop you and it seems you have these men wrapped around your little finger as they're not exactly jumping to my defence however I have to insist that you don't fly for at least three days." The doctor's voice was firmer.

"Fine, I won't fly for three days now give me those damn papers." She snapped angrily, she just wanted to leave the hospital, have a shower and put some of her own clothes on, it wasn't too much to ask.

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**Next Chapter – How many of you were expecting Elliot to turn up in this chapter? Well you were wrong! Sorry! **


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**AN: Sorry it's been a while, writers block on almost all my stories but here it is, still not an E/O chapter but hopefully it will still be good. **

Chapter Nine

Olivia had been near silent the whole three days, it wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her co-workers and that she was grieving or depressed but she just didn't know what to say to them. They were careful around her, scared of what to say or do in case they upset her not realising that the best thing for her would be to return to normal.

The other agents had managed to complete the operation. They hadn't captured the men but they had rescued the girls and that was something to all of them. They knew now that the bad guys would lay low because the Feds were on to them, but they all knew that it wouldn't last and at some point they would feel comfortable that the FBI had no more leads and would be back to work.

The plane ride home was near silent. Olivia sat with her head on Dean's lap pretending to everyone that she was asleep while really she was just planning her wedding in her head. She was getting married and she was very excited.

Dean ran his hand softly through her brown locks, he knew she loved how he played with her hair and he found that it relaxed him somewhat knowing that she was comfortable enough around him to be so touchy feely with her.

"So what's next for us lot?" Fin asked deciding to talk about work was something better than the complete silence that clouded them all.

"No idea, I've been told there may be a second case for us." Dean sighed. "I don't know anything till Liv and I get back to federal plaza."

"It must be nice to have only one or two cases at a time, I have eight open cases on my desk." Fin sighed, there was nothing worse than seeing the open cases pile up waiting for them to solve.

"You'll close them soon." Dean smiled reassuringly.

"You think Liv will take a few days off?" Nick asked, he knew she wouldn't but he wondered if Dean would try and make her take some time.

"No but she isn't going to be running around in the field, we're going to have a lot of paper work to complete back at FP because of the shooting." Dean explained as he looked down on his 'sleeping' angel.

He leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek before leaning back and resting his own eyes knowing they'd be in New York soon.

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When they landed in La Guardia they were all surprised to see Cragen waiting for them. He smiled broadly but Olivia just held onto Dean's hand tighter and scooted as close to him as she could. She wasn't in the mood to explain what had happened.

"Welcome home guys." He smiled seeing the Agents and Detectives walking towards him.

"Hey." Everyone mumbled.

"How are you Liv?" He asked knowing about the shooting.

"All good." She smiled weakly; she wasn't in the mood to begin explaining.

"Ok." He nodded guessing that she was lying.

They all walked silently towards the car park making Don Cragen realise a lot more had happened in Texas than he knew about.

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Olivia sighed as she got into her apartment. Dean felt uncomfortable, he understood that she was in shock, neither one of them had even had the chance to prepare for any of this to happen. They didn't know she was pregnant, neither one of them were to blame but it didn't stop the feeling of guilt and regret.

Olivia lay down on the couch, she just wanted to be alone but she didn't have the heart to tell Dean to go, she didn't want to push him away at the fear of losing him again.

"I'll make us some coffee." Dean sighed as he put the keys down on the coffee table.

Olivia said nothing and just closed her eyes. She just wanted to go to bed and cry, cry for the baby she'd lost.

Once the coffee was made Dean handed her a hot water bottle he'd filled.

"Why don't you go to bed? I'll wake you for dinner." He smiled gently.

"Thank you." She whispered. "For everything."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the side of her head lightly and that's when she crumbled. The sobs she'd managed to hold in for three days while she recovered in the house in Texas.

"I've got you Liv its ok." He whispered gently into her ears.

"Sorry." She cried. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise Livia, come on let me take you to bed." He lifted her into his arms as she continued to sob and gently took her into the bedroom.

He placed her down on the bed and passed her the hot water bottle. He tucked her in and climbed in beside her just to hold her until she fell asleep. She did eventually fall asleep after she couldn't cry anymore. He hadn't realised how bad she'd taken this news till now, he knew she wanted to be a mother some day but she hadn't realised that the miscarriage of the pregnancy she hadn't known about had really hurt her so much. It would have been their baby. Something that would tie them together for the rest of their lives and that was something he wanted more than anything ... Olivia in his life forever.

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Later that evening after they had both eaten Olivia had gone back to bed alone. She wasn't ready to talk about what happened and she needed time to process the information. He understood that, he needed it too so he slowly made his way to her bedroom and sat down at the side of the bed.

"Liv?" He questioned, her eyes were closed but he was sure she wasn't sleeping.

"What?" She asked without opening her eyes.

"I'm going to go back to my place is that ok? I think we both need some alone time." He explained.

Slowly she reached over and took his hand before taking a deep breath.

"I don't want you to think I'm pushing you out." She whispered.

"I don't." He replied pulling her into him and holding her tight. "I don't think that at all Livia, but I know that you don't talk things out straight away and with this ... we both need time to process what happened and think it all through and when we've both done that then we can talk."

"Thank you." She whispered as he kissed her temple.

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**So short chapter but just to move it all along. **


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**AN: Sorry it's been a while, writers block on almost all my stories but here it is, still not an E/O chapter but hopefully it will still be good. **

Chapter Ten

When Olivia woke the next morning she felt better, that was until she went to the bathroom and had a reminder of what happened. After a hot shower and a good cry she made her coffee and made her way to the one six, she knew Dean would be at Federal Plaza and was not expecting her to come in.

Once she was parked she dropped her head to the steering wheel to gather herself before making the familiar journey up to the squad room.

"Hey Liv what are you doing here today?" Nick asked as she entered the bullpen.

"No good sat on my backside." She laughed but it was so false even Nick saw through it and rolled his eyes at her.

"I want to talk to Cragen is he in?" She asked not wanting to have this discussion with Nick just yet.

"In his office as always." Nick smiled before letting her past.

Olivia nodded and gave him a smile in return before going over to the Captain's office and gently knocking the door before slipping inside.

"Liv what are you doing here?" He asked in surprise.

"Just thought I'd come say hi." She replied and he knew at once that meant she wanted to talk.

"Come in and sit down then." He smiled gently wanting her to feel comfortable in getting whatever it was off her chest.

Olivia nodded and took one of the empty seats. Cragen could see she was down, it was obvious to anyone but he didn't know the full extent of what had happened in Texas, he just knew the Agent had been shot.

"What is it Liv?" He asked and she looked at him as her eyes filled with tears.

At that moment he knew it was serious. He quickly rushed around the side of the desk and he was more than happy taking her into an embrace and letting her cry.

"Sorry." She sniffed into his shoulder.

"Don't apologise but tell me what happened? What's wrong Liv?" He asked as he sat her back down and he himself sat in the chair beside her.

"When I got shot ..." She sighed and wiped her eyes and cheeks as she tried to form the words in her mind.

"Liv?" He questioned trying to read her eyes.

"I had a miscarriage." She whispered before the tears flooded down her cheeks once again and Cragen wrapped his arms around her as the words she'd spoken sank in.

It took a little under five minutes for Olivia to regain herself and for Cragen to let her go. He was in complete shock and wasn't sure what to say to her. She was like a daughter to him and he knew how badly she wanted to be a mother and for her to have been pregnant and have that baby taken away from her was just cruel.

"I didn't even know I was pregnant I'd have been more careful this is all my fault." She whispered and Cragen shook his head hoping that he'd be the voice of reason in her head.

"Livia, this is in no way your fault and blaming yourself isn't going to help you. You didn't know there was nothing you can do to stop or change this." He soothed as he stroked her shoulder gently.

"But I should have noticed something!" She cried out. "It's my body I'm the one who should have known I was pregnant in the first place... Why didn't I know?"

Cragen wrapped his arms around her again and realised there was only one person Olivia needed to speak with right now and he definitely wasn't it.

Once she'd calmed down enough he went out to make them both a coffee while he called in the department shrink. Luckily Huang was already on his way over and was there before the coffee had finished brewing. Cragen gave him Olivia's coffee and went to make himself busy while George used his office to speak with Olivia.

"How are you Liv?" He smiled as he shut the door behind him.

"If I knew Cragen was going to call you I wouldn't have come." Olivia sighed getting to her feet.

"Olivia..."

"George we're both FBI now, I can't talk to you." Olivia explained as she grabbed the door handle.

"I won't tell anyone anything outside these four walls Olivia." Huang said firmly making sure Olivia understood that he'd be telling Cragen but no one else.

"How can I trust you?" Olivia asked turning back in me.

"Because I'm your friend not just a shrink." He replied and he reached the coffee over to her and she took it before sitting down on the old couch beneath the window while Huang pulled up a chair.

"So you want to tell me what happened?" He asked as Cragen hadn't filled him in.

"I miscarried when I was shot." Olivia replied weakly as she fought against the tears threatening to spill over once again.

"Did you know you were pregnant?" Huang asked and Olivia shook her head as she bit down on her bottom lip to stifle a sob.

"I had no idea." She whispered eventually. "If I'd have known..."

"No Olivia, it wouldn't have made a difference." Huang said before she could even finish her sentence.

"How could I not know?" Olivia asked weakly. "I should have been able to tell."

"Sometimes Liv the body doesn't tell you for a while, sometimes you still get your period and don't get any symptoms until you're out of the first trimester, it's different for every woman." Huang tried reassuring her.

"I feel so hopeless." She whispered.

"Why?" Huang questioned wanting to get as much information out of her as he could.

"My one chance to be a mom and have a baby and I can't do it." Olivia replied her voice becoming higher pitched as she became more distressed.

"Olivia, you're going to get another chance at this, sometimes things are just meant to be, this wasn't meant to be Liv you need to accept that in order to move on." Huang explained. "Have you and Dean spoken about this?"

"No he left last night." Olivia said and the when she saw Huang's face fall she corrected herself. "He just thought we both needed our own beds and time to think things through he's not left me... not yet anyway."

"I don't think he's planning on leaving you at all Olivia." Huang reassured her. "He's head over heels in love with you."

Olivia looked at the Doctor and nodded.

"He asked me to marry him." She told him her voice a shallow whisper.

"I'm not surprised." Huang smiled, he'd actually already heard that piece of information back at Federal Plaza but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"I said yes." She continued and Huang could see there was more going on in Olivia's mind than just the miscarriage.

"He's still going to want to marry you Olivia, just because you lost the baby I don't think that makes any difference to him." Huang stated firmly, he knew that much.

"That's not what's bothering me about the engagement." Olivia began and Huang was silent so she could explain. "He asked me just before we went into the operation, he knew we were going into a life or death situation, was it just a heat of the moment thing?" Olivia asked and she was looking at Huang for an answer.

"I don't know Liv it could have been but I don't think he would have asked you if he didn't mean it." Huang smiled gently, he knew Olivia was just scared of being happy for once.

"I'm just being stupid." Olivia sighed.

"That's the one thing you're not being." Huang smiled as he gave his friend a gentle hug.

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Olivia was sat typing at her desk in the one six when Dean came round.

"I thought you would be taking a day to yourself." He told her as she wrapped him up in an embrace.

"I came in to talk with Don, didn't see the point in leaving then." She shrugged as she took in the comfort and warmth he gave her.

"You want to go and get some coffee and maybe we can talk a bit?" Dean asked and Olivia nodded and quickly grabbed her coat and as she was about to go and tell Cragen where she was going she realised that she didn't have to, it was still so easy to forget that she didn't actually work for him anymore.

They walked three blocks to a little coffee shop that Olivia liked. They ordered their drinks and sat in the corner booth snuggled up tight needing to feel that connection.

"How are you Livia?" He asked as he stroked his hand up and down her arm.

"I'm better now how are you?" Olivia asked understanding that she wasn't the only person who'd lost a child.

"Better now I have you in my arms again." He replied. "Liv..."

"What?" She asked as she snuggled her head into his shoulder.

"When I asked you to marry me you didn't just say yes because we were going into a life or death situation did you?" He asked weakly.

Olivia laughed making him look at her desperately seeking that she wasn't about to say yes.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"I told Huang I thought the same thing about you today, that you only asked me because the raid could have gone wrong." Olivia explained.

"Well I definitely didn't, asking someone to marry you is a big step and it wasn't how I wanted to ask you but I needed to ask you and I told you then that if I was to die I wanted to go with the knowledge that you would have married me but if we survived I actually did want to marry you." Dean replied shakily, he was terrified that she had changed her mind.

"Dean, I want to marry you. I'm certain." She told him before crashing her lips to his.

As he kissed her and took in her taste and smell once again, his hand played with the small blue box in his pocket.

"Liv." He mumbled into her mouth making her pull her lips from his to look into his eyes. "Will you marry me?" He asked revealing the blue box.

"I've already said it and I will say it again, yes Dean Porter I will marry you." She smiled as he opened the ring box and slid it onto her finger.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. He kissed her right back as he was so happy.

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.

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**So yeah. Lol. Not long now before the epic Stabler return, but you're all going to hate me for it. **


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: SVU AINT MINE. **

**Twitter steffiesioned**

**AN: Sorry this chapter jumps in time half way through! **

Chapter Eleven

It took a total of eight weeks and a trip to Florida for the Agents and Detectives to close their case. As soon as it was done and they arrived back in New York they went out to celebrate.

Olivia was blissfully happy. She had a job that she loved, a man whom she adored and a life that was near perfect. She couldn't have asked for more.

There was one thing missing though. The baby that she had miscarried all those months before. She wanted a baby badly but she and Dean had agreed not to try and let nature work for them, they'd not been using any form of contraception and were having sex almost daily but it was yet to happen for them.

"It will happen when it's supposed to happen Livia." He always told her and she always agreed, she knew there was nothing wrong with her, she'd purposely gone to the doctors to find out and they had just said to wait and see, but she was really getting bored of waiting.

As they sat in the bar and Olivia sipped away at a cocktail the subject of her wedding was broached.

"So come on guys have you set a date yet?" Fin asked and Olivia looked at Dean and smiled, they had set a date but she wasn't sure it was time to tell anyone yet

He nodded at her, giving her the chance to tell her co-workers and friends.

"Yeah we've chosen August 31st." Olivia smiled and everyone grinned happily.

"That's only six weeks away!" Munch pointed out.

"Yeah, everything's nearly organised, all we need to do now is finish the invites and send them out and I need to take my bridesmaids shopping." Olivia beamed.

"Who are your bridesmaids then Olivia?" Nick asked and Olivia looked around at the women on the table and gave them a nod.

Slowly, Melinda, Alex, Casey and Amanda slipped their hands up and the boys grinned as Dean had asked each one of them to be a groomsman except for Don Cragen who's agreed to walk Olivia down the aisle. Dean's best man was his former partner from the FBI, James Leacock who Olivia got on well with.

"So what colours are we all going to be in?" Nick asked his mind begging it not to be pink.

"Coral." Olivia replied and she laughed when the boys looked at her confused. "It's like and orangey pink." She explained.

"More orange or more pink?" Fin asked.

"What type of question is that!" Olivia laughed.

"One coming from a man who doesn't want to wear pink... concerned what people will think of your sexuality?" Munch teased.

"No I just don't look good in pink." He tried and failed with a comeback as everyone around the table laughed.

"Well guys we're heading off, I need to go pick up the invites before this place shuts." Olivia smiled as she finished her drink and Dean stood up.

"Ok well I'll see you tomorrow?" Cragen asked knowing Olivia had been spending more and more time at Federal Plaza recently.

"Yeah, just call me if you land a case tonight?" Olivia asked as she wanted to spend as much time out in the field as she could.

"Sure." Cragen nodded understanding.

"Ok well if I don't see you tonight I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled before taking Dean's hand and walking out.

As soon as Olivia had gone the conversation around the table resumed, however, this time they weren't talking about Olivia's wedding in the way they had been with her around, the conversation was taking a much deeper turn.

"You think she loves him?" Fin asked the question that had been on everyone's mind.

"Yes." Cragen replied and the women around the table nodded in agreement, Fin however, didn't fail to notice Munch and Nick didn't agree with their superior officer.

"I think she's settling for second best." Munch sighed as everyone's eyes fixed on him.

"What do you mean?" Melinda asked frowning, that was her best friend being talked about and she wasn't going to let this drop.

"Oh come on Mel we all knew she loved Stabler no scratch that LOVES Stabler, she can't have him so she's settling for Porter." Fin explained and as Munch and Nick nodded everyone else shook their heads.

"Porter worships the ground Olivia walks on..."

"Yes he does, he loves her more than he loves fucking oxygen but the point is she doesn't feel the same." Fin snapped.

"Yes she does..."

"No she doesn't." Nick interrupted the argument between Melinda and Fin and all eyes trailed on him. "I don't know Stabler, and I haven't known Porter as long as you lot have but when Stabler left ... when she cleaned out his desk she looked so broken, she looked like she'd rather die than do it and then when that damn medal arrived I thought she was going to die and when she found out he'd retired ... didn't Munch and Fin find her inconsolable in an interview room? The point is that the way Dean Porter feels about Olivia is the way Olivia feels about Stabler and she is settling for second best, she does love Dean but not as much as she loves Elliot."

Everyone stared at him for a moment before everyone nodded in agreement. Nick was right, he didn't know Elliot Stabler, he'd never seen the dynamic duo at work, yet he knew the relationship between Olivia and Elliot was something no one could even try and recreate.

"Well one thing I can say is that Elliot Stabler doesn't deserve her love, he walked out on her when she needed him, he's a selfish son of a bitch." Cragen snapped and the table murmured in agreement.

"Olivia deserves Dean, he loves her, respects her, cherishes her and everything else it says that you should do in a marriage, she does the same with him, maybe not as much as she did with Elliot but Elliot was never really hers, he was married and she blew off tons of men because they didn't match up to her high standard of Elliot fucking Stabler, now she's happy, she maybe settling for second best but she can't pine after something or someone she can't have for the rest of her life, she deserves everything Dean is giving her and more." Alex explained and once again everyone murmured their agreement.

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The next morning Olivia was sat at her desk in the one six. Dean was working on a new case file for them at Federal Plaza and she hated hanging around there alone. She was now placing the invites into their envelops and addressing them with the help of Amanda, no new case had come in and Munch and Fin were following up leads on a cold case.

"You're inviting the Chief of D's?" Amanda asked as she enveloped the invite.

"I didn't have much of a choice in that matter." Olivia laughed. "Seeing as we were told to invite everyone of the higher ups from the NYPD and FBI."

"How many people have you got coming to this wedding?" Amanda just wanted to enjoy a casual conversation with the Agent she'd slowly become friends with.

"Eight hundred." Olivia replied shuddering.

"You have eight hundred guests coming?" Amanda gasped.

"And that's just to the service and wedding breakfast. There are another five hundred for the evening do." Olivia laughed.

"You know one thousand three hundred people well enough to invite them to your wedding?" Amanda asked in shock.

"Nope, I don't think I know half the people coming even to the day time but it's obvious we aren't doing a small family wedding like I wanted, I mean come on, we're getting married in a fucking ball room." Olivia laughed.

Amanda smiled as she picked up the next invite and opened it to check who it was for so she could find the address. She managed to swallow the gasp that almost surfaced when she saw the name.

"Hey uh, I'm just heading to the bathroom and gonna grab a soda you want one?" Amanda smiled as she put the invite down slowly so not to grab anyone's attention.

"Yeah actually I fancy some cream cake because this diet isn't working, want me to get you anything?" Olivia asked. "I mean these can take a break for now."

"Yeah sure cream doughnut would be nice." Amanda smiled.

"Ok I'll catch you in a bit." Olivia smiled back as she grabbed her purse and headed out the door leaving Amanda free to rush to Cragen's office.

"Come in." He called and Amanda didn't hesitate or think twice about what she was doing.

"Rollins how are you enjoying this free time you have?" Cragen asked as his detective closed the door.

"Uh it's good, I'm helping Liv with her wedding invites." She smiled.

"Oh good, I guess you've seen it's a big wedding, Dean and Olivia being FBI didn't have much of a choice but making a big deal out of it, it's going to be all over the papers." Cragen replied unsure how he actually felt about that, he always imagined Olivia having a very small wedding in a church not a large wedding with the press hanging around in a ballroom.

"Yeah... uh I actually wanted to ask you something." She said nervously.

"Well take a seat and spit it out." Cragen smiled and Amanda nodded and sat opposite him before taking a deep breath.

"Did you know she's inviting Elliot and Kathy Stabler and their kids?" Amanda asked.

"She is?" Cragen asked in shock, that he hadn't expected.

"Yeah." Amanda nodded.

"I expected her to invite Maureen and Kathleen the eldest children as I know she still talks to them regularly but I didn't think she'd invite Elliot or Kathy." He said and then he looked up at Amanda and realised he shouldn't have been having this conversation with her. "But it's Olivia's wedding and I'm sure Dean knows he's invited so just leave it ok?"

"Yeah sure." She nodded before leaving to meet Olivia at her desk the cakes waiting to be eaten and the invites still needing to be enveloped.

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The days flew by and soon Olivia, Melinda, Alex, Casey and Amanda were all in a boutique trying on dresses.

"Well?" Olivia asked coming out in a simple floor length chiffon dress that she liked.

"Too..."

"Simple." Alex finished Casey's sentence.

"Yeah." Melinda and Amanda agreed.

Eight dresses Olivia tried on before everyone agreed that she'd found 'the' dress. Then it took nearly four hours and countless trips into the dressing room for Olivia too like the bridesmaids dresses.

"Oh I love them!" Olivia squealed as she finished paying for the dress unable to take them home yet because they would be cut and trimmed down to size.

"Now Olivia... we have somewhere to be!" Melinda laughed as she and Casey took Olivia by the arms and led her away.

"What? Guys where are we going?" Olivia struggled from their grips.

"It's a surprise Liv come on don't worry." Alex smiled and Olivia, as much as she hated surprises, nodded and let them lead her away.

She found herself in the backroom of a restaurant with her bridesmaids, Kathleen and Maureen Stabler, Liz Donnelly, Miranda Pond and Linda Petrovsky.

"This is your bachelorette party!" Amanda laughed as Melinda pulled out an L plate sash and a bride to be plastic crown.

"You guys." Olivia moaned, she'd warned that she didn't want a bachelorette party but they obviously hadn't listened.

"Oh come on it's just lunch and a few drinks!" Liz Donnelly laughed as this had all been her idea.

"Ok come on let's have fun!" Olivia laughed as the five bottles of champagne were opened.

Of course, this was a group of women, drinking, having a part and celebrating being single, there was no way this was just lunch and a few drinks.

After everyone had eaten and drank a considerable amount to drink it turned into a real bachelorette party with Miranda Pond pulling out a pack of drinking game cards.

They finally chose the game 'I have never...' the point of the game was that in turns around the circular table someone would say something they had never done, if the players had done it then they had to take a shot and the first person to finish ten shots was the winner but they played until they ran out of ideas.

"Ok so let the bride to be begin!" Melinda laughed as the ten shots of red liquid was placed in front of each player.

"Ok uh I have never ..." Olivia had to think for a moment while everyone waited for her in anticipation. "I have never done any illegal drugs."

Everyone laughed while Liz, Miranda, Kathleen, Casey, Amanda and Alex all knocked back a shot.

"Ok you have to tell me everything!" Olivia laughed looking at Liz.

"I can't believe you didn't smoke a joint in college!" Liz laughed at Olivia and she blushed.

"Casey? Alex?" Melinda asked.

"Same, everyone tries a joint in law school..."

"Excuse me I didn't!" Linda Petrovsky laughed, she was probably most merry out of them all.

"Kathleen?" Olivia asked eyeing the twenty two year old up.

"What? I was arrested for breaking and entering Olivia, I admitted to you then I'd done drugs. That was a long time ago though." She shrugged and Olivia nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Amanda?" Olivia smirked raising and eyebrow.

"I was fifteen in school and I was dating a punk, smoked a joint a few times nothing stronger." Amanda shrugged.

"Ok who's turn is it?" Olivia asked satisfied once again.

"Mine!" Melinda smiled from beside her. "Ok I have never ... oh this is tough because everything going around my head is of a sexual nature." Melinda sighed.

"Then chose one, the point of the game is the more drunk you become the more insane things come out of your mind so if they're sexual they're sexual we're all adults here." Miranda laughed.

"Fine I have never done it doggy style." Melinda laughed.

Olivia, Casey, Alex, Kathleen, Maureen all knocked a shot back as everyone else laughed.

"Oh so Dean likes to go from behind?" Melinda questioned.

"Who said it was with Dean?" Olivia smirked and raised an eyebrow towards her friend.

"Oh no you can't say that and not say anymore come on spill!" Alex called to her.

"Yes I have done it with Dean but he wasn't the first." Olivia explained. "I was in college when I did it first that way, shockingly the guy I did it with turned out to be gay." Olivia sighed as Casey performed a spit take with the champagne she was sipping at.

"Wow." Alex laughed. "Now it's my turn I have never given a man oral."

"Ok I think I am done here I'm going to say goodbye now." Linda Petrovsky smiled.

She then walked over to Olivia and handed her a gift before kissing her cheek.

"Have a good evening and I'll see you Saturday." She smiled.

"Thank you for coming and for the gift and I will see you Saturday." Olivia smiled before watching the Judge leave.

"Knew she would have been too prude for this game." Liz laughed.

"Well I'm pleased, I don't think I even want to know what she got up to in her sexual life, I mean things like that can scar a person for life and I don't think I would be comfortable sat in a witness box with her as the judge again!" Olivia laughed as did everyone else around the table.

"Ok ok on with the game Alex said I have never a man oral so knock back your shot if you have." Miranda was determined to play this game to the end.

Everyone knocked back a shot this time.

"Seriously?" Alex asked looking around the table.

"I can't believe you haven't!" Casey exclaimed.

"It's not something I've ever wanted to do ... it's so ... ugly." Alex shivered as the rest of the table laughed.

"Ok so who is in the lead?" Miranda asked looking around the table.

"Olivia's taken two shots, Melinda only one Alex one, Casey three, me two, Amanda one, Liz two, Kathleen three, Maureen two. Ok so Casey your turn."

"Ok uh I have never ... been handcuffed." Casey smirked.

Olivia and Kathleen looked at each other as they both knocked back a shot but what was most surprising was seeing Alex knock one back.

"Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Hold up you did too!" Alex exclaimed.

"Yeah well in case you failed to notice I got arrested and I went undercover in a prison." Olivia replied sarcastically.

"So you're telling me you've never used handcuffs in the bedroom? You're a cop who carries them around all day!" Alex laughed.

"I never said I hadn't, just said there was a simple explanation for why I had been handcuffed, same with Kathleen she was arrested twice." Olivia explained as Kathleen blushed.

"So you're saying you have used them in the bedroom?" Alex smirked.

"You're not getting out of this that easily Cabot..."

"But..."

"Objection!" Olivia yelled laughing as she did.

"Sustained!" Donnelly called back as everyone laughed. "She's right Cabot, spill!"

"Fine, I was dating a cop and for a joke he handcuffed me to the bed and I told him not to take them off." Alex smiled mischievously.

"Any cop I know?" Olivia enquired suspiciously.

"No I was in Witness Protection at the time." Alex replied and Olivia nodded satisfied that Alex was telling the truth.

"Now it's my turn!"

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When Olivia was dropped off outside the apartment she now shared with Dean she was too drunk to even get out of the cab.

"Wow Agent Benson!" The door man laughed heartedly as he helped her from the car.

"Thanks Steven." She smiled drunkenly.

"No problem now would you like me to take you upstairs or would you like me to call Agent Porter down?" He asked carefully.

"Umm, I think, ummm, Dean." She slurred and he nodded before she let go of him and sat herself down on the steps that led up to the building.

She wasn't aware of the phone call that Steven the doorman made up to Dean. She only realised he had done it when Dean's arms wrapped around her.

"Hey baby." He growled softly into her ear.

"Deano!" She squealed like a child making him laugh and grin at Steven.

"How about I take you up to bed Missus?" He asked chuckling.

"I'm not Missus yet." She said her finger hitting him the chest.

"Not till Saturday anyway." He smiled as Steven the doorman nodded, he was invited to the wedding as was his wife so he was very aware of the Agents upcoming nuptials.

"Then I'm Missus Porter." She slurred happily.

"Missus Agent Porter." He grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself to standing before stumbling hard into his chest relieved Dean had wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Right come on Princess time to get you to bed... I cannot believe those women got you this drunk!" He laughed.

"You knew?" Olivia asked gazing up at him.

"Yeah Miranda called and let me in on the plan." He chuckled.

"Oh ok." Olivia nodded her eyes slowly rolling back into her head as she fought against drunken slumber.

"Right bed!" He laughed as he scooped her up into his arms. "Thanks Steven!" He called as he carried Olivia into the building and up to bed knowing that in the morning she was going to have a nightmarish hang over.

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**Ok so uh it was going to be only two chapters but now it's uh next chapter – the Stabler return you've all been waiting for and for all the hype I've given it I hope to God it's good! (Prior warning to Spoiler below!)**

**S**

**P**

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**Olivia and Elliot's reunion doesn't go smoothly, please don't hate me! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Mega long AN:**

**K444 – Soon enough for you?**

**ToriRenee161 – I'm glad it made you giggle that was kind of the point because this chapter gets really heavy, I think you're going to like Dean much more after this chapter and hate Elliot, at least for a little while but we'll see. **

**Selene Magnus – I have a feeling I may disappoint you**

**Ren Victoria – Glad you found it funny, I'm working on a new fic, with the characters from SVU playing the game in a bar and the game moving to Olivia's house so maybe you'll enjoy that. **

**Ok so thanks for your reviews guys and please don't hate me if this chapter isn't as good as you want it to be, I wrote this weeks ago before I wrote chapter 2 and I've made some little changes but I hope you like it anyway on with the show...**

Saturday morning August 31st was an exciting day. Eight hundred people had made their way to the ballroom of one of New York's most prestigious hotels to see Olivia and Dean become man and wife. In the rooms of the hotel numerous of the family and friends were getting ready and helping the bride and groom with attempts to steady their nerves and help them dress.

In one of the large suites at the top of the hotel Olivia was joined by Alex, Casey, Melinda and Amanda and a lovely ice cold bottle of champagne as they helped her slip into the white dress that she would be made an honest woman of.

In one of the other suites Dean was pacing nervously with James Leacock his best man mumbling words of advice to help keep him calm. Don Cragen was there to, just waiting for a text from Alex to say the bride was ready for him. Fin, Nick and Munch were downstairs guiding people to their seats as Olivia and Dean had worked out a strict seating plan and they were making damn sure they kept to it.

At quarter to ten Dean made his way down to the ballroom to stand at the front waiting nervously for the wedding to begin. Olivia followed down five minutes after once they knew the door to the ballroom was closed and that Dean was there and wouldn't see her.

Olivia stood in the hallway looking into the mirror and adjusting her dress for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. Her hands caressed down her abdomen, her fingertips nervously dancing along the soft fabric.

"Olivia you look fantastic." Cragen reassured her as she pulled at the white chiffon fabric.

"Thank you." She smiled gratefully, his reassurance was everything she could have wished for at that moment.

The white dress was an empire line dress with a sweetheart neck line, the satin tulle fabric was skin tight around the breast with a small thin ribbon just underneath, it clung to her down to her hips before falling out and to the ground. The chapel train at the back was about five feet long with dress but an additional three foot long because of the veil pinned into her updo. The small jacket that she'd chosen matched the dress perfectly and just made it look like the dress had sleeves and the neck that stuck up an inch high while the rest curled under her armpits and met behind her shoulder blades. She couldn't believe how much she'd spent on the dress, it had been the one she knew she wanted as soon as she laid eyes on it. The way the fabric clung to her hips before falling to the floor was a perfect fit to her figure. She held a small white bouquet of roses in her hand which had each been encrusted with five diamante's on the petals making them glisten and shine when they caught the light, they'd also been sprayed with a gentle silver glitter and had white feathers coming from certain points making the bouquet complete.

Cragen smiled at her, he couldn't believe how much she was glowing even though she looked so nervous. Behind the doors were eight hundred people, agents and cops alike and many of the couple's superiors looking forward to seeing the two of them married. He wore grey coat tails with coral cravat that Olivia and Dean had chosen, he wasn't the only one wearing this, there would be Dean, Fin, Munch, Nick and Calvin too.

He looked over at Amanda who Olivia had asked to be her bridesmaid along with Alex and Casey, all three of them wore full length chiffon gowns in coral that were a similar style to Olivia's dress without the train and diamonds, their bouquets were both white and coral roses, smaller in size to Olivia's but with the same diamante's and glitter. All three of the girls had their hair curled and pinned to the side secured with a rose and feather coral hair piece that matched the men's coral rose and feather button holes.

"I'm so nervous." Olivia whispered as Alex and Casey smoothed out her veil and lined out her train ready for when she would walk through the door it would be crease free.

"You're going to be fine." Alex cooed gently knowing how terrified Olivia was, she hadn't stopped saying she was sure she was going to fall in her four inch white bridal shoes.

"It's nearly time Olivia." Cragen smiled reassuringly.

Olivia nodded as Cragen came to her side and took her arm in his own, she was towering over him in her heels but he didn't care, he was the proud father taking his daughter and giving her to another man, he was a bag of mixed emotions. Amanda, Casey, Melinda and Alex lined up and Olivia heard the violins strike up just before the doors opened. She swallowed hard, this was it, she would be married to Dean in the next hour and all the fears she'd had of rejection, and the uncertainty if this is what she really wanted resurfaced as Amanda disappeared into the mouth of the ballroom. Her breath hitched in her throat in a near panic as Casey stepped off followed quickly by Melinda she knew that in seconds she'd be walking in, and she'd see Dean Porter, the lost love that she thought she'd lose and never see again but now she was going to become his wife, he was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. As Alex walked into the church she absentmindedly played with the Semper Fi medallion that she hadn't taken off since the day she's received it, she'd taken off all other necklaces today and this was the only one she didn't have the heart to remove. As the song came to an end and Alex reached the front of the ballroom Olivia took a deep breath. The violins began to play the selected song and she stepped forward ready to be lead down the aisle by Cragen.

"Olivia wait!"

She froze.

"Close the doors." Cragen ordered and the hotel staff quickly did as they were told.

Dean looked at Nick, Munch, Fin and Calvin unsure what to do, he then looked at Alex, Melinda, Casey and Amanda who just stared in shock.

"Has she changed her mind?" he asked. "What's going on?"

"Casey, Mel, Amanda come on." Alex called picking up her dress and rushing back up the aisle and out the doors.

Everyone who had stood up to welcome the bride sat back down, every single one of them confused at what was happening.

"It's ok, it's just last minute jitters." Munch tried to reassure the shaking FBI Agent beside him.

Alex, Melinda, Casey and Amanda went back into the hallway and suddenly stopped open mouthed in shock.

Olivia was stood staring with tears stinging her eyes, she felt constricted, she couldn't breathe so she definitely couldn't talk.

"What are you doing here?" Alex finally said.

"I can't let her do this." Elliot finally spoke.

Everyone just stared unsure what to make of what he was saying.

"You shouldn't be here." Cragen said breaking the silence that clouded them.

Olivia was paralyzed, she couldn't move and she definitely couldn't speak.

"I think that's Olivia's decision." He replied straight his eyes connected with Olivia's which almost looked cold and empty.

"Why did you come here?" She whispered hoarsely.

"I can't let you marry Dean." He replied walking to her and dropping his hand on to her cheek but she turned her face away from him her eyes close trying to stop her tears from falling.

"I'll go and tell them we're just delayed for a moment." Alex whispered no one really hearing her as she rushed back inside.

She knew everyone was watching her as she rushed back to the front and up to Dean.

"What's happened?" He asked in a panic.

"Nothing major don't panic, just a small delay Dean calm down, you're getting married today don't get worked up." She smiled gently, she couldn't tell him the truth but she knew she had to tell the other men.

"Fin, Munch, could you uh, come with me for a minute?" She asked.

They stared at her confused but followed her back up the aisle leaving Nick and Calvin who Olivia had flown out for the day with his grandparents, with Dean.

"What is it?" Fin hissed quietly.

"Stabler." Alex replied in a whisper.

Munch and Fin exchanged a looked before rushing ahead of Alex knowing Olivia needed them. When Alex came out into the hallway she saw that no one had moved a muscle since she'd left.

"Stabler piss off." Fin spat wrapping an arm around Olivia's trembling shoulders.

"I'm going nowhere unless Olivia asks me too, I have to talk to her." He explained.

"Guys could you leave us alone please?" Olivia asked her voice quiet and shaky.

Everyone looked at each other nervously.

"Just for a minute?" Olivia asked and they slowly made their way out into the winter air leaving Olivia alone with Elliot.

"Why did you come here?" She asked him her voice a little stronger now.

"When you sent me the invite ... Liv my heart shattered into a million pieces but I couldn't ... I didn't know what to say to you, you must hate me for leaving the way I did and not keeping in touch but I died every time I thought of you, you're the most amazing woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing but I was married and you were my partner but I love you, I have loved you since the day I met you and I tried to stay away today, to give you that chance at happiness with Dean but he's not me, I'm the one who loves you unconditionally, I'm the one who wants to make you the happiest woman on the planet, I want you to be the one who I wake up to every morning and go to sleep holding every night and as much as I tried not to want that I can't help wanting that." He explained desperately.

She hit him. One open hand slap across his face.

"I deserved that." He replied rubbing his stinging cheek.

"Deserved it? Elliot ... you left... you left without giving me a second thought... the only thing I've heard from you in the past year is when you sent the Semper Fi medallion, that's it, you could have died and I wouldn't have known!" Olivia cried, the tears she'd been desperately holding back slipped down her cheeks with no control but she made no attempt to stop them, she knew seeing her cry hurt him and he was the one causing her that pain and she believe he deserved to hurt as much.

"Liv..."

"Don't, it's my turn to speak." She spat. "I'm getting married today, why today Elliot? You could have called or text or turned up at the one six and come and speak with me, you've known I was getting married since I sent you the invite but you choose today to come and confess you love me? The day I want to make the promise to be with another man for the rest of my life, what's stopping me from asking you to leave and walking in there and getting married Elliot? You had no right coming here today." She hissed angrily.

"If you wanted that you'd have done it already, if you wanted to marry Dean you wouldn't be standing here talking to me." He explained.

"What?" She gasped.

"Liv I tried to stay away so you could get married to Dean but I couldn't, I love you too much to let you go." He whispered.

"You did let me go!" She snapped hitting him across the chest with her bouquet a few petals flying off. "You left without giving me a second thought, that was letting me go!" She hit him with the bouquet again this time a couple of the roses' heads flew off but she didn't care.

"I didn't want to but after everything with the shooting ... I thought you'd hate me, and that you'd be better off without a child killer." He explained his own tears falling fast down his cheeks.

"Child killer? El I could never think that of you." She whispered her hand going to stroke his cheek. "Is that what you thought?"

"Yes, I thought you'd hate me for killing a child, she was a kid and I murdered her." Elliot sobbed.

"After she killed other people, you shot, that was what you had to do, had I been there with my gun out and not trying to save Sister Peg I'd have shot too." She whispered as tears continued to drip down her face.

"No you wouldn't have." He whispered.

"Of course I would." She whispered back. "What if she'd have turned that gun on me Elliot? Or Munch or Fin? You did what you had to do as a cop." She explained.

"I'm sorry." He whispered dropping his head to hers their foreheads pressing up against each other, their eyes closed.

"I love you Olivia, I love you so much but if you tell me you don't love me I'll walk out that door and I won't look back, I'll let you marry Dean and have your happily ever after if you just tell me you don't love me." He explained quietly.

Her heart shattered inside her chest. His words echoed in her ears 'tell me you don't love me' she should have been telling him that she didn't love him, telling him to leave and let her marry Dean but she couldn't.

"I can't." She croaked.

"What?" He asked pulling away and looking at her.

Her brown water filled eyes looked into his Sapphire orbs.

"I can't tell you that I don't love you." She whispered, she knew what she'd been feeling for these past few months now, it all seemed to make sense.

"Liv."

"El don't. I can't tell you I don't love you because I do ... without you... I felt like my life had fallen around me and I was so alone, then Dean came back and ... oh my God Elliot I can't do this!" Olivia gasped and rushed off.

He just watched her go the only thing stopping him from running after her was the fact she hadn't ran down the aisle to be with Dean meaning she didn't want to marry him at all.

"Where is she?" Alex's voice was cold and demanding.

"She went that way." He whispered.

Alex began to hurry off but Elliot stopped her.

"Alex..." He called and she stopped but she didn't turn around. "Tell her I'm sorry and that every word I said was true."

"Don't you dare!" Alex yelled making everyone who had been eavesdropping from outside rush in.

All of them followed Alex who knew exactly where Olivia had gone. She found her sat in the corridor outside the hotel room they'd shared the previous night, she was sobbing silently and Alex quickly opened the door with the card she'd kept in her bra letting everyone in as Cragen and Fin helped Olivia from the ground.

Once inside she collapsed onto the bed and curled up trying to make herself invisible. She didn't want this to be happening, she had done, months ago when she and Dean had first got together, if Elliot would have come back then she would have collapsed into his arms and confessed to him how much she loved him but she was supposed to get married today.

"Liv want us to go and get Dean?" Alex asked sitting on the edge of the bed but her question just made Olivia sob harder.

"Should we go and tell him what's happened?" Casey whispered.

"Munch and I will go." Fin sighed getting to his feet, the last thing Olivia needed was everyone overcrowding her while she was breaking down.

"Why did he have to come?" She sobbed as Cragen took her hand in his own.

"Come on Liv dry your tears and lets all talk about this." He suggested wanting to make her feel better, take away the pain she was visibly feeling.

"There's nothing to talk about ... I told ... I told ... I told him I loved him ... but ... but I'm supposed to get married today... what have I done?" She hiccupped as she lifted herself from the bed and pulled roughly on the clip holding her hair in place and as soon as she dropped it she pulled out the crown shaped tiara and dropped it beside her.

She placed her head in her hands and allowed Cragen to pull her into his shoulder where she cried softly.

"Come on Liv, it's ok," He cooed unsure what else to say to her.

There was a light knock on the bedroom door and Alex opened it and quickly stepped outside.

"Please let me talk to her!" Elliot's voice carried through the door.

"I don't think she wants to see you right now!" Alex hissed angrily.

"Please?" Elliot yelled.

"Stabler!" Dean's voice hit Elliot and Alex's ears as well as everyone inside the bedroom.

"Oh this can't be happening." Olivia cried as Cragen jumped off the bed and both Amanda and Casey went to sit on it but Olivia wasn't planning on staying and listening, she knew something bad was going to happen and she wasn't about to let it.

"Stop it!" Olivia yelled seeing Dean and Elliot almost nose to nose.

Both men instantly backed down and turned to look at her.

"Livia?" Dean whispered his hand brushing her tears from her cheek but as she accepted his touch and closed her eyes it wasn't Dean's face she saw pressing his hand to her cheek making her quickly open them in surprise.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered taking his hand in her own and clasping it tight.

"This isn't your fault." He whispered back pressing his forehead to hers but it just made her cry harder, she didn't want it to be Dean's forehead.

"I can't do this." She whispered turning to Alex, her best friend would know what to do.

Alex slipped her arm around Olivia's shoulder and pulled her back into the room where Amanda and Casey were sitting in silence. She sat down on the black leather couch that was in the room and began fingering the Semper Fi medallion around her neck. Without warning she pulled hard and it snapped from her neck before she flung it at the wall opposite making both Amanda and Casey duck in fear.

"Always faithful my arse!" She sobbed before sinking her head into Alex's shoulder.

"It's ok Liv I've got you." Alex whispered gently rocking her backwards and forwards while stroking her now messed up hair which less than an hour ago had been sprayed and pinned in place ready for her to walk down the aisle.

"What have I done?" She sobbed. "What have I done?"

"Hey come on baby you need to calm down." Alex soothed wanting to take her best friends pain away more than anything else.

Olivia sat upright and wiped her fingers underneath her eyes trying to wipe away the tears but just smudging the mascara even more.

"I need to talk to Dean." She whispered.

"Ok." Alex nodded.

"In privet." She added.

Alex, Casey and Amanda hurried out of the room and Dean was inside and by her side before she'd even had the chance to blink. Olivia took his hand into her own and held it in her lap, her thumb stroking subconsciously across the back trying to soothe herself as much as soothe him.

"Liv?" He asked giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm so sorry Dean." She whispered as she blinked back the tears that were so close to falling once again.

"Don't apologise." He replied.

"No, I'm not apologising for Elliot." She explained her voice a little stronger. "But I'm apologising because ... because I can't marry you." Her voice broke towards the end and she bowed her head as his snapped up to look at her.

"What? Why? Because of Stabler?" He asked hurriedly, her wasn't going to lose the only love of his life because of Elliot Stabler.

"No not because of Elliot, because of me... I told him ... he asked me to tell him that I didn't love him and if I did he'd walk away but I couldn't tell him ... I told him the truth Dean and that is that I do love him, even though he went and left me I still love him and I don't want to love him Dean, I really don't but I can't help it." She explained the tears gushing down her face.

He pulled her into him and held her as she cried and as much as she tried to pull away he wasn't going to let her.

"Please Dean? I'm so sorry but I can't marry you, it's unfair." She sobbed.

"That's ok Liv." He whispered making her snap upright.

"You're not mad?" She asked her eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"Not with you." He replied. "I am with Stabler but that's a different story, I understand if you feel you can't marry me, and I respect you for being so honest with me. I will always love you Olivia, always, I have done since the first time we worked together as partners but Special Agent Benson ... your happiness is far more important to me than having your love." He explained and the tears gushed down her cheeks once again.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She cried. "You should be angry with me!"

"I could never be angry with you Livia, never, I understand why you can't marry me and I told you I respect you for it, I don't know if things will happen between you and Stabler but if it does he better make you happy or I will hunt him down and hurt him but I hate seeing you like this, you're so torn up and I don't want that, I knew I was second best to Elliot Stabler, I knew it and had he stayed away then we could have had a long and happy marriage but I guess I was always scared of him coming back, maybe we've both been lucky that he came back before we said I do?" Dean was desperate to make Olivia see that he wasn't mad with her and as much as he would walk out of the hotel with a broken heart her happiness was what would make him happy.

"You're too good for me." She whispered hoarsely.

"I'm not." He replied. "You were always too good for me."

"What did you ever do to deserve this Dean? I'm jilting you, sort of, I mean I did turn up." She said and Dean laughed softly making Olivia laugh weakly.

"See, this is what I want, to see you smile, promise me one thing ..." He began making her eyes link on his.

"What?" She asked as his hand cupped her sodden cheek.

"Whatever you do from here, don't quite your job with the bureau, they need a woman like you, I'll move on and go to a different state if it makes you happy but don't quit the job you've grown to love because of this." He explained as his thumb gently stroked her cheek bone.

"I promise." She replied nodding and taking a shaky breath.

"And whatever you do... be happy, be very happy, don't have any regrets." He explained.

"You too, please find someone to love you in the way I never could, you deserve it more than anyone I know." She whispered.

"I will." He nodded and he leant in and dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead before getting up.

"Goodbye Livia."

"Bye Dean." She whispered as he walked out leaving her alone in the hotel room.

As soon as the door shut behind him she collapsed from the couch onto her knees and the hard sobbing began again. She'd just said goodbye to the person who moved heaven and earth to get her, she hadn't been able to tell him that she did love him but she just didn't love him enough.

"Liv!" Alex gasped seeing her best friend crumpled on the floor. "Hey come here." She whispered pulling Olivia's head into her chest.

"He was so nice about it Alex ... I wanted him to be mad and yell but he didn't why didn't he yell at me and call me a heartless cow?" She sobbed.

"Because you're not a heartless cow Olivia, you're far from a heartless cow, you did the right thing and he knows that." Alex explained.

"Oh my God I've got to go and tell everyone there isn't going to be a wedding!" Olivia sobbed realising suddenly.

"Cragen and Fin are already doing that now." Alex whispered. "Come on, you need to calm down Olivia you're giving yourself a temperature." Alex explained being able to feel the heat penetrating from Olivia's forehead.

"I need to ... I need ... the dress ... get me out of it ... please." She whispered.

"Ok I'm just going to get Casey and Amanda to help ok? It took the three of us to get you into it so it's going to need the three of us to get you out." Alex smiled gently before getting to her feet and rushing to the door summoning the women in and giving Elliot a very filthy look before slamming the door shut.

As Olivia got changed Elliot sat leaning against the wall of the hotel, he wasn't going anywhere unless Olivia told him too, actually, she'd said she loved him so he was going nowhere until she got a restraining order. He sighed as Cragen, Munch and Fin came with Nick and Calvin.

"Elliot!" Calvin smiled.

"Hey Calvin." Elliot replied knocking knuckles with the teenager. "You ok?"

"Yeah thanks, my grandparents bought me down because Olivia wanted me here today, it's a shame they're not getting married though, I thought she was finally getting what she wanted but I guess it isn't if she isn't doing it." Calvin babbled because he wasn't quite sure what had happened.

"Calvin come on I think Olivia will want to see you." Cragen told him placing a hand on the boys shoulder and leading him to the door.

They knocked and Alex opened the door and ushered them in giving a warning glance at Elliot that he wasn't welcome.

Olivia was now sat on the couch in a velour tracksuit, it was one of the only comfortable things she had in her honeymoon suitcase. Calvin rushed over to Olivia and wrapped his arms around her neck knowing that she needed to be comforted. Olivia didn't hesitate in pulling the teenager onto her lap and holding him close to her, he didn't mind if it helped her in the slightest.

"Don't worry about anything Olivia, you let us deal with it." Cragen told her firmly knowing she would have a hundred different things going through her mind.

"I've got so much to sort out, I sold the apartment and all my things are in Dean's apartment and then there's ..."

"Olivia stop fretting, you're coming to stay with me until we can get you sorted, you've got two weeks from work and you're still taking them so we can get you sorted ok but for now please don't think about it." Alex whispered.

"I've made such a mess of everything." She replied hoarsely.

"You didn't do anything." Casey chipped in hoping that someone would eventually say something to stop Olivia from being so upset.

"No I just cancelled my wedding when I was stood ready to walk down the aisle." Olivia replied sarcastically which to her friends was just proof that she was feeling a little better.

"Has Elliot gone?" She eventually asked breaking the awkward silence.

"No, he won't move from outside your door." Cragen answered he being the only one who had actually asked Elliot what he hoped to achieve from sitting there.

"Oh God!" Olivia cried out clutching onto Calvin tighter. "I just ... guys I'm not being rude but I'd really like to be alone now." Olivia's voice became quieter as she spoke.

"Ok you need any of us Liv and you just pick up the phone." Alex told her knowing that there was no point any of them arguing against her decision.

"Thank you." She replied before giving Calvin a kiss on the cheek. "Don't let your grandparents take you without coming to say goodbye." She warned him as he hopped off her lap.

"Never." He replied as he wrapped his arms around her neck in an embrace. "And remember, everything's going to be alright." He whispered before following the men out of the room.

"Alex..." Olivia croaked.

"Yeah?" Alex asked stopping and allowing everyone else past.

"Will you come back in a bit?" Olivia asked shakily.

"Of course I will." Alex nodded knowing Olivia wouldn't want to be alone long.

"Thank you." Olivia nodded and as soon as the door shut behind Alex she climbed into the double bed they'd shared the night before when they had been discussing Olivia's fears about marriage but how happy she now was and slowly cried herself into a deep uneasy sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Mega long AN:**

**K444 – I think Elliot has a lot of work to do to get Olivia's forgiveness so it won't be happening in this chapter or any time soon, but who knows I'm sure she will forgive him ... eventually.**

**ToriRenee161 – Yup intense! He really does have a nerve too, but wouldn't you do whatever it took to get the one you love back? Even if you're to blame for why you lost them in the first place?**

**Selene Magnus – I've already PM'd you because your super long review was heartwarming and I wanted to reply personally however as I told JennBenson below I am going to upload all of this again with D/O making the relationship work so a different Chapter 12 and on if you'd like that then let me know and I would be happy to do it. **

**Ren Victoria – Yup poor Olivia, and things aren't going to get easier for her anytime soon either sorry!**

**JennBenson – I know I didn't want to break them up by the time I got here but I promised an E/O story and that's what they're getting, I may write new chapter 12 and repost it as a Dean Olivia story if enough people want it, then carry to story on from that retrospect so people can get two options D/O or E/O **

**DeLene – I'm always right ;) Love you my online friend! I'm glad it made you cry in some ways, means the chapter was very touching however I don't take pride in making people cry so I'm sorry it upset you!**

_**Ok so just some aftermath and bonding but the worse is yet to come for Olivia before the EO!**_

Olivia had spend most of the night crying with Alex, Casey, Melinda and Amanda by her side. They'd all stayed in the room with her drinking wine and eating ice cream trying to cheer her up but she was way beyond cheering up, she felt like she'd lost everything.

A knock on the door startled them all at eight in the morning but it was Alex who went to the door.

"Hey." The blonde smiled as she opened the door.

"Hi is Olivia there?"

Olivia sat up and quickly wiped at her cheeks, she'd recognised the voice, knew it as the order of Manhattan SVU and she wasn't ready to discuss anything that had happened with him.

"Yeah come in." Alex opened the door to the large suite and pointed to the bedroom while Melissa, Amanda and Casey left Olivia alone going through to the lounge area so they could have some privacy.

"Hey Olivia." Cragen smiled going into the bedroom.

She smiled weakly at him as she pulled on her robe, she didn't want him to see her in her pyjamas all messed up.

"Hey." She said back as she climbed back onto the bed, instantly taking the same position she'd had all night except on top of the covers.

"How are you?" He asked sitting down on the side of the bed keeping his eyes locked on hers.

"'M ok." She shrugged.

"Liv..."

"I'm fine." She interrupted but she knew she wasn't getting away with this when he gave her a stern yet calming look.

"It's ok to be hurting Olivia." He informed her and she just nodded as he took her limp hand in his own.

She couldn't say anything, her throat felt like she'd just swallowed sand but Cragen could see her eyes doing all the talking for her. He could see the sadness, the regret, the fear.

"What do I do now?" She finally whispered.

"Now you come down to breakfast, eat something, talk to your friends."

"What and act like nothing happened?" She asked in shock.

"No Olivia, a lot happened, but you still have to live your life, face everyone and you won't do that unless you're made to now come." He stood and extended his hand to her and she climbed out of the bed and shoved on her slippers.

They walked in silence to the living room where the girls were talking softly.

"We're going to breakfast." Don smiled and they all smiled gently back, she was doing something other than feeling sorry for herself, this was a start.

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The second she walked into the dining room she regretted it. The room fell into an awkward silence that rang in Olivia's ears. She could see people staring at her and she just wanted the ground to swallow her whole. Cragen who hadn't let go of her hand since she'd taken it in the bedroom led her straight to the table where Fin, Munch and Nick were sat. She sat down and let go of Cragen's hand only to drop her head into her own trying to disguise the tears that she was unable to hold back.

"Eat something Liv." Alex whispered as a plate of full English breakfast was instantly placed in front of them all, it was what Olivia and Dean had ordered for everyone in the wedding party who were staying in the hotel.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked up and saw everyone around the table had started eating, she felt grateful to them acting like they weren't paying any attention to her but she knew they were all taking it in turns to look at her.

Slowly she picked up her fork but she wasn't in the mood to eat and instead just pushed her food around her plate with it while her head rested in the palm of her other hand.

"Olivia."

She froze. This wasn't a voice she'd ever expected to hear again, but here it was and it was coming from right behind her. She closed her eyes, knowing everyone at the table was staring at her or him right now and she as was everyone else in the dining room.

"Livia please?" His voice was soft, there was no sense of anger there which just made the tears spring to her eyes, he should hate her, he should be angry because he had every right to be.

"Dean man I don't think she wants to talk to you right now." Fin's voice hit her ears causing her eyes to pop open.

"I know but I just want a minute of her time." Dean sighed, he knew he shouldn't have come here but he didn't want to leave without telling her everything he needed to say.

"Ok." Her voice was barely a whisper but he caught it and the relief he felt was indescribable.

She slowly got out of her seat and walked out of the dining room without even looking at him, they walked into the lounge bar and Olivia ordered a drink to be put on her room tab.

"Bit early for that isn't it?" Dean asked gently.

"If you're just going to judge me Dean just go." Olivia explained as she knocked back the simple shot before going over to one of the love seats and sitting down.

He carefully took the one opposite her, noticing instantly that she wouldn't look at him.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry this had to happen to us." Dean told her and that got her to fix her chocolate eyes on him.

"This is not your fault Dean." She told him gently. "It's mine."

"No." He shook his head. "I knew that I'd always come second to Elliot, I knew it all along but I wanted to believe I could have all of you, all of your love."

"I did love you Dean ... I mean I do love you ..."

"But you don't love me in the way you love Stabler." He finished for her and she nodded grateful she didn't have to say it out loud herself again.

"There are a few things I wanted to say to you Livia, before I left I mean." Dean explained and she nodded aware that this could be the last time they ever spoke.

"I've already been transferred to California so there is no reason for you to leave the bureau, please don't because you're an asset to the sex crimes team." He explained.

"It's not a team without you." She whispered.

"You're going to front SVU in a way that no one else could as an Agent it's going to open a heck of a lot more doors for you Olivia, you're going to have a lot more power and say on cases and can even overrule decisions Cragen makes if they don't sit well with you, go out there as an Agent and make a difference Olivia." He was firm and she just nodded, she wasn't sure if she could keep her job, she was sure the bureau wouldn't want her anymore anyway.

"Secondly." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver key and gave it to her. "That's my copy of the apartment key, I know you probably won't want to live there now but it's yours to do what you want with, the bureau owns it outright but you can stay there for as long as you want and if you don't want to stay there, this was you can leave your stuff until you get sorted." He explained.

"Ok." She nodded gently.

"Lastly, I have one request of you Olivia..."

"What's that?" She asked when he paused for a moment.

"Be happy, don't let be anyone's second best, if you think Stabler will make you happy then give him a chance if you don't find someone who you can love in the way you love Elliot and whatever happens know that I am always here for you, at the end of the phone please try and stay in touch I mean drop us an email every now and again." He smiled gently and reached out his hand to stroke away the tear that was tumbling down her cheek.

"Dean." She closed her eyes at his touch wanting to melt into it and forget the last twenty four hours. "Someone out there will love you in the way you deserve to be loved." She explained. "Same goes for you, I want to hear all about this job in Cali."

He stood up then and smiled as did she.

"Stay friends?" He asked.

"Friends." She nodded and then she let him pull her into his arms and they hugged, probably for longer than friends did but as it was a parting hug neither one of them cared.

He dropped a heavy kiss onto her head and walked off while she stood there and watching unsure what to do with herself.

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After breakfast everyone had packed up and left the hotel. Olivia went to Alex and Casey's shared apartment with Melinda and Amanda, Fin, Munch and Nick who'd come along to help her out with forgetting everything that had happened. And everyone thought they should at least try and enjoy the only day off they would ever have all together without someone dying.

"Ok so I have Monopoly, Cludo or Uno." Casey smiled as she came into the living room.

"Why don't we just talk?" Nick suggested and everyone glared at him. "Well come on, you all claim to be best friends, yet I don't feel like I know a thing about any of you, I'm extremely close to my partner but I know nothing of her life outside her work and the same goes for you guys, so why don't we crack open the beers and wines and get to know each other a little more."

"Yeah I like that idea." Olivia smiled, she hadn't been in the mood for games so talking seemed like a good way to be able to get lost in her own thoughts leaving everyone else discussing their lives.

"Since this was your idea Nick why don't you go first?" Fin suggested as soon as everyone had a drink in hand.

"Sure ask me something and I'll answer, complete truth." He smiled.

"So is this like truth or dare without the dare?" Amanda asked simply.

"Yeah why not." Nick replied with a shrug.

"Ok well do it so that people take it in turns asking a question and whoever asked asks the next one." Alex smiled ever the organiser.

After murmurs of agreement Amanda was the first to ask the question.

"Nick why SVU?" She asked and he smiled, that was an easy one.

"I was to be promoted to first grade and I knew I would be partnered with the legend that is Olivia Benson, I would never turn that down and I'd had enough of Narcotics." He explained with no problems.

Everyone smiled and glanced at Olivia who gave him a curt nod and brief smile in return, she hated that he said 'partnered' as she never really considered him a partner, he was just there, Elliot was her partner, always had been and always would be in her mind.

"Ok Fin what's with the nickname Baby Girl for Olivia?" Nick asked and Olivia and Fin both chuckled.

"Well apart from the fact that she's a girl, and was the only woman in SVU till Rollins and the youngest making her the baby of our family it's because I was trying to make someone jealous..."

"Who?" Casey asked instantly and she saw how quick he became nervous.

"Stabler." He whispered and everyone understood and monitored for a reaction from Olivia but she was laughing.

"You were trying to make Elliot jealous when you called me baby girl?" She laughed.

"Yeah, I knew you might like him and thought if he saw someone else hit on you and give you a nickname it might make him make a move on you." He explained laughing slightly because she was laughing.

"You failed Fin." She smirked.

"I noticed that ten years ago." He winked at her.

"You've known me twelve years..."

"I always thought it would take a year or so for him to get it." Fin explained making everyone laugh again. "Not thirteen."

"Fair enough go on then Fin your turn to ask a question." Olivia smiled deciding that maybe this game wasn't such a bad thing.

"Munch why four wives?" Fin asked.

"What?" Munch frowned not understanding the question.

"I should rephrase, why four divorces?" Fin explained and he could see the nervousness in his partner.

"Well you know Gwen, well you met her and she lived on some different planet, she was good while she was medicated you know but off the meds she was far more paranoid than I could cope with, convinced that my partner in Baltimore was out to get us and stuff and I couldn't deal with that shit, then the other three, well ... I loved them, I really did but I don't think they ever loved me." Munch explained softly. "But I don't mind, the family I have now is far greater than having a wife and kids."

"That's soft man." Fin smiled nudging him slightly but everyone in the group was smiling.

"Ok Olivia, are you planning on leaving the bureau now?" Munch asked, it was a question everyone had wanted to ask but they didn't want to broach the subject.

"No. Dean..." Olivia thought for a moment if she could handle talking openly about her privet conversation with Dean without getting upset, she hadn't told anyone what he'd told her in the lounge that morning. "Dean has asked me to stick it out, he's transferred out so I don't see no reason to leave unless I get the sack." She explained and everyone nodded. "Now my turn, Rollins you happy at SVU with us lot?"

Everyone looked at Olivia in surprise, she wouldn't ask a question like that unless she either didn't know the answer or suspected the answer and wanted her suspicions confirmed.

"Yeah, I guess, I love you guys so much you're like a family but I don't quiet feel like I fit into it you know, I feel sometimes like the extra puzzle piece but I also can't deal with much more victims and stuff, the case we worked with the feds took a lot more out of me than I've been letting on to you guys and I'll be honest I have filled out a transfer form but I haven't decided whether to hand it in to Cragen yet." Amanda sighed, this was about honesty so she wasn't going to lie to them.

"You know Amanda, I'm always here if you want to talk." Olivia smiled as she reached out and gave Amanda's hand a squeeze.

"I know, Thanks Liv." She smiled. "Ok so Melinda, why are you an ME?" She asked the Doctor.

"I don't know, I guess after med school I didn't really want to be a doctor and the autopsies never bothered me while in Med School and there was a job going with the coroner's office to work specifically with the NYPD and SVU and I thought I'd give it a go and if I didn't like it I could leave and nearly thirteen years later I'm still here!" She laughed at the end and everyone grinned.

"You could never leave us Mel!" Olivia quipped, she, Elliot and Munch had been there when Melinda had first started and they'd instantly got along.

"Exactly, I'd heard lots of rumours when I started about Detectives being impatient with wanting results and stuff and they could be a handful but you lot were great to work with, still impatient but still great." Melinda grinned. "Now Fin, why are you still single?"

"Huh?" Fin asked in surprise at the question.

"You heard, why haven't you got a woman hanging off your arm."

"Oh the job keeps me too busy to date and I haven't met anyone interesting enough." Fin shrugged. "My turn, Casey, what would you do if you couldn't be a lawyer anymore?"

"Teach, I'd love to teach preschool or be a school councillor." Casey replied quickly, it was obvious that she had given it some thought. "Olivia, if you couldn't be a cop anymore what would you be?"

"Oh my God." Olivia shook her head as she remembered the last time she'd been asked this question.

"What did I do?" Casey asked but Olivia was laughing softly.

"I was asked that before by one Rebecca Hendrix." Olivia laughed.

"She's that shrink right?" Fin asked and Olivia nodded. "Why did you see her?"

"After that crap with my brother, Cragen made me and Elliot see a shrink to see if we were too close and should be separated. The last question she asked me was if I couldn't be a detective anymore what would I be." Olivia explained.

"Ok so what was your answer?" Melinda asked, everyone was now intrigued.

"I didn't." Olivia replied shrugging. "I thought for a moment and when I didn't have an answer I told her I was done and walked out."

"Seriously?" Munch asked in surprise.

"Yeah, until recently my job was my life and I didn't know anything else but my job and the thought of not having it scare the living daylights out of me." Olivia was open and honest, letting her friends into some old wounds that had healed enough to be reopened.

"Wow." Was all Alex managed to say, she knew most about Olivia except for Melinda and she was surprised as anyone to hear Olivia being so honest with them.

"Now it's my turn..."

"Wait what did Hendrix say to Cragen?" Munch asked and everyone looked back at Olivia obviously intrigued.

With a gentle sigh she replied. "That we were most definitely too close, but to split us up would cost Cragen his two best detectives." Olivia smiled at the memory of her and Elliot standing in the office while their Captain relayed the psychiatrist's findings.

"Wow." That was Amanda.

"They let you remain partners?" Nick was visibly surprised.

Olivia nodded gently. "Yeah he did, I don't think it was ever an official psych eval even though it was taped, I think Cragen kept the result to himself and destroyed the evidence that the evaluation took place but that of course is just my assumption I have no proof." Olivia declared.

"But anyone could have told you that you and Stabler were too close Baby Girl, why did it take a shrink?" Fin asked.

"Because Cragen thought we were a liability." She shrugged. "Stabler and I have been through so much together over the years, Guitano is a memorable one, Eric Plummer, Dale Stucky, we've seen it all and side by side we've faced it until ..." Olivia's brows furrowed.

"Until he left..." Casey sighed.

"No until I ran off to Oregon." Olivia replied shakily.

"Ok I'm confused." Amanda explained. "When did you run off?"

"To explain Oregon I have to explain a lot more." Olivia explained. "I don't think you really want to listen to all of this."

"Yes we do, come on we're intrigued, and you're being deflective now." Nick smiled, he'd definitely got to know his partner.

"Ok, ok." Olivia waved a hand and sat back in her seat taking a deep shaky breath to will herself to trust them and open up to them. "It all started with Guitano, for the sake of those who don't know him, he was a child sex offender, he killed a mom, dad, and teenager and kidnapped a brother and sister, cut a long story short we were at a bus terminal waiting for him and Elliot, Fin and I gave chase, he was nowhere to be seen but when I spotted him I had my gun out but he had the little boy Ryan in front of him, he got to close and sliced my neck with a knife, Elliot had a split second decision to make follow Guitano and Ryan or make sure I was ok and he ..." Olivia looked down at her half empty wine glass.

"He chose you." Amanda stated the obvious and Olivia just nodded.

"When we went upstairs we found out that Ryan had been killed and Elliot was furious. When we got back to the House he didn't hide it either turned around and said something like "I can't be looking over my shoulder anymore making sure you're ok" Then I called him a son of a bitch and he said "I need to know you can do your job without me having to come to the rescue." So..." Olivia wiped a stray tear and gave everyone a reassuring smile, she was over this stuff, it was in the past.

"Jackass." Fin hissed.

"Fin..."

"I know Liv I remember when he saw that little boy and how angry he got and I remember how hard I wanted to punch him when he yelled at you." Fin explained, he'd been on the case with them, of course he remembered.

"I know, anyway that wasn't all he said to me during that case, after we finally caught Guitano and I refused to shoot Elliot while Guitano held a gun to his head a sniper having to take him out when they arrived we were at the hospital together and he said he knew I would have taken that shot and I told him straight that I couldn't have, he had kids and I asked him what about me, you know he's all I had back then, anyway, he turned around and said we had to stop choosing each other over the vics which is fair enough but then he said we couldn't be partners anymore and it killed me so I went to Cragen and transferred to Computer Crimes for a bit." Olivia explained.

"Yeah but you came back before you went to Oregon." Munch replied.

"I know, but it wasn't the same between Elliot and I so when the chance of an escape to work undercover came up heck I wasn't going to turn it down, he wanted me gone so I went." Olivia explained shrugging, she knew she'd not just gone because of him, she'd gone because running was easier than facing the fact that he didn't want her anymore.

"Stabler really put you through the works didn't he?" Amanda pointed out and Olivia, Alex, Casey, Munch, Fin and Melinda all nodded softly making them all smile.

"So is that it?" Nick asked.

"Hell no, Olivia and Elliot have some legendary stories that have gotten around, that's why their partnership is legendary." Fin grinned widely and Olivia laughed.

"Maybe we'll save them for another day, right now I'm tired and would like to get some sleep." Olivia smiled, she'd confided in them all she could for now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Mega long AN:**

**K444 – No problem, he will but at the moment he's the one causing her pain.**

**ToriRenee161 – Sorry about my misspelling I should have checked that up but no matter! Yes he has a lot to make up for!**

**SoLetsPlayDoctorBabe – I hope so!**

**Ren Victoria – I try to know them, I'm glad I didn't make it misleading though, that they really came through in the game.**

**JennBenson – I know I didn't want to break them up by the time I got here but I promised an E/O **

**DeLene – You always are!**

_**Ok I really hope where I take this works now. **_

After leaving Alex's apartment and going back to hers and Dean's she quickly changed into her work clothes and left for work, it was the only thing she really felt like doing.

Naturally the drive took her to the one six instead of Federal Plaza and right now she felt like she needed to be around her loved ones, there was no one else she felt like seeing but the man who should have given her away at her wedding.

As usual she climbed the steps and flashed her badge at security so she didn't have to walk through the metal detectors, opting for the elevator to have a minute to herself she pressed the button and hoped inside. As soon as the doors closed she took a deep heavy breath hoping that no one would think any less of her for what she had done.

Once out of the elevator she smiled and said hello to the one six uniformed officers who smiled and said hello first, when she turned for the bullpen however she saw someone she never thought she'd see again sat at her desk.

She gulped, this wasn't supposed to go down like this. He wasn't supposed to be here especially not sat at her desk doing what appeared to be like paper work. She glanced over his broad shoulders and saw that none of her things had moved which was lucky, it was still her desk, she still had to have her space at the one six where she spent most of her time and that had been Don's idea when she'd asked him if she should clear her desk.

"Hey Liv." Nick's whisper made her jump but she was grateful to see the young detective she was quite fond of in a brotherly way.

"Hey." She smiled back.

"Come on." He smiled handing her a coffee and nodding his head towards the stairwell.

She followed him all the way up to the roof feeling very thankful for his quick thinking.

"Why is Stabler here?" She asked him.

"I don't know, I was going to ask if you wanted me to go and get Cragen and tell him that you were up here." Nick smiled and she smiled right back.

"That would be a big help thanks Nick." She smiled before taking a sip of her coffee.

"No problem." He replied.

"Wait Nick..." She stopped him leaving making him turn back to her. "This is my coffee." She stated the obvious.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"I'm the only one here who drinks this stuff." She explained.

"And?" He asked.

"How did you know I'd be here?" She asked.

"I had a hunch." He smiled before leaving her and heading to get Cragen.

This gave Olivia time to think. Her heart was still beating wildly in her chest after seeing Elliot and she was relieved that Nick had seen her before anyone else, he'd been discrete and removed her before Elliot saw her himself giving her time to process what she had seen. It scared her that she'd frozen when she saw him, a part of her wished she would have marched straight past him and into Cragen's office but her legs wouldn't carry her when she had told them to go, they'd stayed stationary.

"Olivia?" Cragen's voice caught her ear and she turned from the Manhattan skyline to face the aging Captain.

"Don, what is Elliot doing here?" She asked deciding not to beat around the bush.

"Well you've gone and Amanda's turned in transfer papers, I needed a pair of hands and he offered his." Don replied simply.

"What?" Olivia spat. "You put him on my desk? With my things when I've ... I broke off my wedding because of him!" She yelled angrily.

"No Olivia, you broke off your wedding because of you, because you couldn't tell him you don't love him." Cragen replied softly knowing that Olivia was still hurting inside.

"What about my desk?" Olivia snapped.

"I didn't think you'd be in today, it's just until Amanda vacates hers then he'll take that." Cragen explained.

"I still want to be partnered with Amaro when we're working." Olivia informed him.

"I know, that's fine by me you and Nick work well together." Cragen nodded happily, he had no intentions of putting Olivia and Elliot back together. "Except Nick is flying out to be with his wife tomorrow, she's in Germany for two weeks R and R and he wants to spend it with her." He added.

"I won't work with Stabler." Olivia stated firmly.

"Olivia..."

"I mean it, I will walk into Federal Plaza and hand in my gun and shield if I have to work with Elliot Stabler again." Olivia spat.

"I'll do my best to make sure that you don't work together but I can't make any promises." Cragen sighed, he knew she was hurting but he was intending on trying to get the old Benson and Stabler back. "Liv have you thought about talking to someone about this?"

"What?" She asked him, her face contorted with anger.

"You know about Elliot leaving and now coming back, have you considered talking to someone?" He didn't understand her anger.

"You think I need counselling to deal with a broken heart and trust issues with my ex partner? You're the one who needs a shrink if you think that." Olivia hissed, the venom in her town obvious to anyone who might be listening.

"No need to be rude about it but it may help." He shrugged.

"I don't need a shrink or counselling or anyone else for that matter, now I am going to FP and I am going to see if we have a case. Excuse me." She spat before marching past him.

"Olivia wait." He called just as she reached the door. "Maybe talk to Elliot and see what he has to say about this." He suggested and Olivia laughed sarcastically and shook her head before walking off, no intentions of talking to Elliot Stabler in the foreseeable future.

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After a teary drive to Federal, Plaza Olivia went straight to the privacy of her own office, ignoring the increasing stares from the occupants of the building. All who'd been there when she had decided that marrying Dean Porter may not have been the right thing to do.

Once inside the privacy of her four walls she let the tears fall but as she looked around the room all she saw were a reminder of what she had just thrown away. Angrily she picked up a pair of scissors from her desk and lunged at the large portrait canvass on her wall, the scissors slicing through it, destroying the happiness of the couple in the picture in a physical way to what she had done yesterday.

Why couldn't she have told Elliot that she didn't love him? She knew that she would be lying to him and that would be the first time in their twelve years as partners but then lying to him and marrying Dean would be better than what she was feeling now, the pain, the emptiness, the loss, she almost felt like she was grieving.

After tearing the picture she left her office locked the door and headed over to the other side of the building, a place she had only visited once before. As she knocked at the unfamiliar door, the echoing voice from behind it though more familiar than she could have wanted.

"Come in!" He called and Olivia slipped inside. "Liv what are you doing here?" He asked as he nodded his head towards the empty chairs in front of his desk.

"Can we talk?" She asked as she walked towards the chairs.

"Of course Liv, what's up?" George asked as soon as she was seated.

"Everything is such a mess right now." She explained weakly, she sounded so defeated.

"You want to give me somewhere to start?" Huang suggested softly making her smile weakly.

"I don't understand why I did what I did." She whispered trying to hide how much she wanted to cry.

"Why you cancelled the wedding?" He asked and she just nodded in reply.

"Elliot showed up and he asked me ... he asked me to tell him that I didn't love him and then he would leave me to get married but I couldn't tell him George even though I wanted too, I've never lied to him and even though I wanted to tell him I didn't love him I couldn't do it, but I did love Dean honest I did." The tears slipped down her cheeks as she spoke, she had no control over them right now.

"Olivia I had Dean in here early this morning." He told her. "He asked me to shrink him and then he told me that I could tell you whatever I had told him."

Her head snapped up and she wiped the tears as she stared at him.

"He loves you Olivia, very much, but he always knew he was second best to Elliot Stabler, he told me he knew that even if you'd been married ten years and Elliot showed up he knew that you'd have walked away from him and he accepted that. He wants you to be with Elliot and be happy with Elliot, he says he can't ask for anything else just that you're happy with Elliot." Huang explained.

"But I can't be with Elliot." She whispered.

"Why not?" George asked.

"I may love him George but I don't trust him... not anymore." She explained weakly.

"Why don't you trust him Liv?" He asked continuing to shrink her.

"He left! He left me!" Olivia yelled angrily. "After everything we'd been through he left without another word! He ignored my voice mails, my texts, and all I heard from him was when he sent me the damn medallion. Over a year and I had heard nothing until he shows up at my wedding telling me not to marry Dean." Olivia explained the tears uncontrollably trailing down her cheeks.

"Why did you invite him Olivia?" Huang asked.

"Because I hoped he would come and I could see him again, just one more time would have been fine but he turned up seconds before I was supposed to walk down the aisle and all the happiness and excitement I had been feeling for the day just vanished and was replaced with anger and frustration. I called off my wedding George!" She was obviously angry, that was etched into her face and voice.

"Do you love Elliot?" He asked her.

"Yes." She nodded. "I love Elliot."

"Don't you think you should talk to him and get his point of view on what happened when he retired?" Huang asked.

"Yes, and I will in time but I need to get over the fact that I'm not getting married anymore." She replied. "I went to the one six today, wanted to get back to work and try and forget any of this ever happening and he was there, sat at my desk."

"How did you feel when you saw him?" Huang asked.

"I don't know, I froze George, I completely froze and Nick helped me disappear up to the roof before Elliot saw me. I didn't know what to say to him I want badly to punch him for everything he put me through in the last year, I mean, he could have died and I wouldn't have known." Olivia explained her anguish.

"I heard you already hit him." Huang smirked and Olivia nodded.

"He deserved it." She replied lightly.

"I'm not saying he didn't." Huang laughed and Olivia felt a little more relaxed.

"What do I do George?" She asked him eventually.

"What do you want to do Liv?" He asked and she sniggered weakly knowing that there were a hundred different things going through her mind that she would like to do to Elliot Stabler and most of them ranged from mildly uncomfortable to extremely excruciating.

"I want to talk to him, to know exactly why he left me and didn't get in touch with me, I want to know why he walked into the hotel and stopped me from marrying Dean. I want him to hold me and apologise and say that everything is going to work out but then another part of me wants him to walk away again and leave me alone, so I can try and live some life without him in it." Olivia explained.

"Which feeling is strongest Liv, when you think of Elliot."

"Love." She dropped her head into her hands for a moment to gather her thoughts. "I can't stop myself from loving him George."

"Then tell him that, tell him how he's hurt you, tell him you don't trust him very much but it's going to take some time for you to trust him again but then until you do tell him that you love him, and that is never going to change because you've already tried and failed at not loving him and then see what he wants to do from there." Huang smiled.

"What wear my heart on my sleeve and hope he does the same?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"Exactly, let him in Olivia and he'll let you in, it takes too you know." He smiled and she nodded.

"I just didn't expect this to be so difficult." She sighed.

"It's never easy Liv, especially when it comes to you and Elliot Stabler, I learned that over the years." He smirked as she laughed.

"Yeah ok. Right thanks." She smiled getting to her feet.

"Just if you need to talk come find me ok Liv." He smiled and she nodded before walking out the door heading to the one place she really didn't want to be right now.

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Back at the one six everyone was working on a new case, that was obvious when Olivia walked in. She didn't hesitate to check out what they were doing but went straight to the office in the back, disappearing into the dim light.

"Hey Liv where have you been?" Don asked softly.

"Back at Federal Plaza." She replied. "I went to see George."

"You voluntarily saw a shrink?" He asked in shock.

"Not just a shrink, I saw George, he's a friend to and as it happens a friend who can give me decent advice and help me straighten out my thoughts, there's nothing wrong with that." Olivia smirked as she spoke and Don smiled back pleased that he could see her a little happier.

"So what did he tell you?" Don asked the intrigue getting the better of him.

"Oh just that Dean had been to see him and then had told him that he could tell me the details of their conversation." She sighed, she'd been thinking a lot about what Dean had supposedly said to Huang.

"Which was?" He probed.

"That he wants me to be happy with Elliot." She sighed. "How can a man, the day after the day he should have gotten married turn around and say they want their fiancé to be happy with another man?"

"A man who loves his fiancé very much." He replied simply and Olivia sighed.

"I love him too." She told him. "I do love Dean."

"But not in the way you love Elliot." He finished simply.

"Exactly, he told Huang even if we'd have been married ten years, if Elliot showed up he knew I would run back to him." Olivia informed her former Captain.

"Do you think you would?" He asked gently.

"No I think I would run but not back to Elliot, as far away as I could go from Elliot." She explained.

"Do you think that's what's best? To run away?" Don asked her.

"No, I know it's not but I am, I've taken an undercover gig with the feds, myself and Dana are going to try and infiltrate a sex club, be the minders of the teenagers who are being used as prostitutes." Olivia told him.

"Oh." He replied. "Where is that?"

"Right here in New York just upstate, the Feds want to pass the case on to you so if you take it and I go in with Dana it's your squad I'll be working for." She informed him.

"Do you want to go undercover again?" Don asked.

"I did last time things went south with me and Elliot." She told him.

"Gitano was different Olivia, he didn't confess his love to you before you ran off to play with eco-terrorists." Don reminded her.

"No I know that, but this is my job and it's what I do now Don, I'm an Agent not an NYPD officer and that you're going to have to accept. Me and Dana begin trying to infiltrate tonight, and as soon as we're in you should get the case." Olivia explained.

"Just be safe out there Liv." Don told her as she got to her feet.

"I will, thanks for everything Don." She smiled before she hurried out making sure not to stop with any of the Detectives before leaving.

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"Ok can someone tell me what it is with Olivia's new look?" Elliot asked as soon as Olivia had hurried past for the second time, leaving Cragen's office this time.

"Didn't you know she was a FED now?" Fin asked.

"She's a Fed?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah got a job with them when Dean came back, she's Special Agent Benson now." Munch replied a smile on his face at how well Olivia had been doing for herself.

"Wow, so that's what's with the hair and the suits." Elliot smiled, he felt suddenly proud of her.

"Yeah." Fin nodded. "She's here more than she's at Federal Plaza though, she and Dean were running the FBI's Manhattan Sex Crimes division, mainly working with us, it's why she has her desk still."

"Oh I understand, well no one deserves a job like that more than Olivia." Elliot smiled.

"Exactly, she's raking it in too, she's earning more than double what she did on a Detective's Salary." Munch pointed out.

"Olivia's not one for material possessions, she doesn't care about the money." Elliot informed him, he knew that more than anyone.

"Of course not but if you were on double the wage wouldn't that make you a little happier?" Munch asked.

"No, money doesn't buy happiness." He shrugged.

"Well the four alimony checks I write out wouldn't make as much of a dent in my wages if I was bringing in double the money." Munch laughed.

"Yeah." Elliot replied, his mind had drifted to the fact that Olivia no longer had to face him at work, he realised now with her being a fed she could hang out at Federal Plaza if she didn't want to see him.


	15. Chapter 15

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Olivia and Dana sat nervously side by side in a dark and dank basement. They were almost certain now that they had infiltrated the group, it had taken them three days in total and they were both close to giving up but tonight the person they believed to be somewhere in the middle of the food chain that they hoped to dismantle.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Olivia asked.

"No idea but any sign of this going south and we're out of here." Dana replied. "Agent Rockwell has been given a stern warning that if anything happens to you that he'll be dead."

"What?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Dean Porter." Dana explained everything in one word. "He knew you'd run."

"Oh great my ex fiancé is just keeping tabs on me that's just great." Olivia moaned.

"I think he'll stop soon if that's any consolation." Dana smiled her southern drawl cheering Olivia up a little, Dana was a good friend and a great agent.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs had them both trying to relax but also aware of everything.

"So ladies." He smirked as he walked towards them. "I hear you two may be just what we've been looking for."

"What exactly have you been looking for?" Olivia asked trying to act as her fake persona.

"I've been asked to offer you both a job." He said ignoring her question. "You interested?"

"Depending on the job." Dana replied.

"You..." He pointed at Olivia. "Do you dance?"

"Do I dance?" She asked in shock, this wasn't the job her persona should have been offered.

"Yeah you know pole, lap, do you dance?" He asked.

"I've never done lap or pole before but I have danced." Olivia replied and she felt Dana tense up beside her but she knew this had to be done and she was bloody well going to do it.

"Ok well I'll put you on trial, you do something good up on that stage tomorrow night and you've got yourself a job and you..." He turned to Dana. "How are you behind a bar?"

"Done it hundreds of times." Dana replied, she'd gotten the job she was expecting to get.

"Good you'll be serving tomorrow then so can I have your names now?" he looked at them both.

"Skye Benson." Olivia replied.

"Star Lewis." Dana smiled they'd kept their real surnames to make it easier but Dana had been warned she could no longer use Star Morrison the pseudo name that Olivia had met her under.

"Ok Skye and Star be here tomorrow at six pm." He smiled and walked into a back office leaving the two women to leave.

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"You did what?" Don yelled after Olivia and Dana had filled him in on the details of the case and their individual assignments for the next evening.

"I took the job as a dancer." Olivia repeated to the angry Captain, no he wasn't angry he was furious to the point Olivia was actually scared.

"No! No way I am calling Federal Plaza right now and having you pulled out."

"Captain you can't do that it's my decision and we're in now it won't be long before we're in deep enough to get these guys!" Olivia yelled.

"You are not going up on that stage and prancing around in underwear Olivia, how many of those guys have ended up getting raped how many of them end up in a little back room did you consider any of these possibilities?" He yelled right in her face to the point she was showing her fear and frustration.

"I'm with Captain on this one Olivia you shouldn't do this."

"No one asked you Stabler." Olivia spat.

"Don if you call Federal Plaza all they are going to do is tell you that it's the Agent's choice to be pulled out of a gig and it's obvious Olivia isn't going to pull out so instead of arguing whether or not this is a good decision or not how about we put a plan in action so Olivia doesn't end up in some little back room alone with a pervert?" Dana was also angry but she was with Olivia, she'd had no choice in taking the job without risking the whole operation.

"Fine I want you wearing a tracker Olivia and there's going to be a cop in the bar every night undercover as a customer, whenever there's a sighting that you're going to have to go into a backroom for a lap dance then the cop is going to go instead." Cragen said firmly.

"But..."

"No buts that's the deal or I am stopping this investigation now!" Don snapped before marching off into his office and Olivia snapping and walking off in a different direction.

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That evening Olivia was backstage while Dana worked the bar. She was terrified, she had no idea what she was doing but thanks to a shopping trip with Dana was kitted out with the sexiest underwear money could buy.

She was wearing a black and white lace teddy with a slit down from the breasts which were covered in small feathers with white panties with black feathers.

When it was her turn to go out she was petrified but she and Dana had been practising in Dana's living room to the music she'd chosen and so that was a small comfort. As the song Solider by Destiny's child echoed around the club Olivia walked out onto the stage. The bright lights blinded her momentarily but then remembering where she was she started to walk down the long catwalk which wasn't easy in five inch diamante studded black and white heels. As she reached the front of the catwalk and posed a few times like she had seen some of the other girls do she glanced over at Dana who was watching her, she saw the reassuring wink Dana give and she returned it seductively which earned her a laugh from the other agent. As she scanned the audience looking for one of their main perps whose pictures she had studied she almost had a heart attack when she spotted Elliot, she hadn't known who would be her back up tonight and she hadn't thought Don Cragen would send Elliot considering the amount of animosity Olivia felt towards him at this time.

"Give it up for Skye!" The DJ yelled and Olivia did a final pose before walking seductively off stage breathing a huge sigh of relief, she never wanted to have to do that again even though she knew she would have too.

"Skye!" The person she now knew was Mathew Connor walked to her and wrapped her up in an uncomfortable embrace. "You were magnificent!" He grinned. "I think you and I could make a lot of money together!" He smirked making Olivia feel a lot more uncomfortable.

"Really?" She asked in genuine surprise but hiding the grimace she wanted to give.

"Of course! You couldn't tell it was your first night at all so I want you out there get up on the bar strut your stuff and see if you can find someone who wants a lap dance, privet room thirty minutes is five hundred dollars and we split it I get three you get two it's perfect!" He smiled.

"Yeah ok." Olivia smiled but inside she was screaming that this wasn't a part of the plan.

"Well I'm going to go I'll see you out there!" He grinned.

"See you out there." Olivia replied with mock enthusiasm. "Shit." She hissed as soon as he was gone, she knew not to delay the inevitable so she made her way out into the bar and over to Dana.

"Hey you did great up there girl!" Dana smiled as she handed Olivia over a very weak cocktail.

"Thanks, he wants me out here finding lap dance customers now Star." She informed her.

"There was a guy who looked very interested almost looked like he knew you." Dana smirked, she meant Elliot but Olivia would rather give any dirty old pervert a lap dance than Elliot but she knew she had no choice, Cragen would have her neck.

"Sure thing I'll go see if I can spot him." Olivia smiled.

"There are cameras in the room but no sound." Dana whispered as she topped Olivia's drink up.

Olivia's heart hammered harder in her chest as she shuffled across the floor accepting tips and trying not to punch every guy who touched her before the bouncers could stop them.

"Hey handsome." She purred as she leaned over the back of Elliot's chair, he was pretending to watch the dancer on the stage.

"What do you want?" He asked her, he had a mic wire but no sound.

"I've been sent out here to find men who want a lap dance." She explained. "Care to join me?" She purred just as Mathew walked past giving her a wink and a large smile.

"How much?" Elliot asked.

"It's five hundred." She replied.

Luckily they had been expecting something like this so the bureau had made sure Elliot had a few thousand dollars in cash on him.

"Sure, show me the way." He smiled and she took his hand and led him towards the rooms.

He paid the bouncer on the door who explained if he wanted more than a lap dance it was going to cost him more which had Olivia practically shaking in her stilettos.

"And we're watching." He said as he opened the door to the room pointing at the camera. "If you want more you can have more, we'll turn the camera's off once you've paid."

"Ok we'll see." Elliot replied. "Let's see how good of a dancer she is first." He winked at the bouncer who smirked before shutting the door and standing in front of it to show it was now occupied.

"Shit." Olivia gasped as Elliot sat down on the red leather couch and Dana came in with drinks.

"Complements of Mathew." She told Olivia.

"What do I do Star?" She asked keeping up the act.

"Give Stabler a lap dance?" She shrugged. "Enjoy." She smirked before leaving the two of them alone.

Olivia switched on the music player and slowly flicked through the tracks trying to delay everything.

"Liv you haven't got much of a choice here." Elliot told her.

"You're loving every minute of this aren't you?" She said keeping up her seductive look as she spoke as a show for the cameras.

"I'm a man SKYE of course I am." He smirked and Olivia wanted nothing more than to smack him.

In the end she settled on a song and walked towards him to the music. He sat back and relaxed ready to enjoy the show.

"Why are you here?" She asked him as she rubbed her ass against his thighs.

"Someone had to come in here." He explained.

"Why you?" She asked firmer trying to keep her face seductive as she continued to grind against him.

"Would you prefer giving Munch a lap dance?" He asked her.

"I'd rather give Cragen than you." She replied and Elliot sniggered.

"Liv baby please forgive me..."

"Why should I?" She asked as she turned around to face him.

"Because I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can say except I'm sorry and I love you." He explained weakly as he tried to hide his throbbing erection.

"Wow I'm that good?" She smirked as she continued to tease him.

"Seeing you in that up on that stage gave me this. Seeing you full stop does things to me." He explained.

"Really?" She asked in shock as she took his hands and glided them down her rib cage hoping that no touching was no touching without express permission.

"Fuck Liv." He moaned as her ass grinded against his erection.

"Pay back." She smirked as she let go of his hands and picked up her drink taking a heart swig of it and relieved to find Dana had put a lot more alcohol in this one than the first, talk about Dutch courage.

"I'm so tempted to go and pay the extra." He winced almost in pain as her hands climbed up and down his thighs.

"Then why don't you?" She asked as she reached for the wire transmitter in his pocket and disconnected it.

"You're serious aren't you?" He asked in surprise and she just shrugged as she poured herself another drink and knocked it back.

Elliot didn't hesitate in going to pay the extra at the door and waited for the red light on the camera to go off to show it had been switched off.

Olivia was sat on the couch and Elliot went to kiss her but she pulled away.

"Liv?" He asked in surprise.

"You really think that I asked you to pay the extra to sleep with you?" She asked reaching into his pocket and switching the wire back on.

"Don't worry guys we're not doing anything we shouldn't." Olivia spoke into the microphone. "The camera's off now so I can stop dancing." She explained.

"You're a fucking tease." Elliot hissed angrily.

"And you're a lying asshole so we both have flaws." She spat.

"You know I came back because I wanted a second chance with you Olivia but now I'm not so sure." He hissed.

"You know what Elliot I may have broken off my wedding because of you but I had no intentions on fixing anything with you." She replied angrily.

"What so you gave up your chance at happiness to be a bitter cow?" He asked her.

"No I gave up a chance at happiness so Dean could find true love, you know that's what you do to the ones you love, you let them go!" Olivia explained trying not to yell and alert the bouncers.

"But what about your happiness Olivia, I would have been happy seeing you walk down that aisle and marry Dean." He informed her.

"Oh so you asked me if I loved you just for the sake of it then?" She shrugged sarcastically.

"No I needed to know but you could have said yes and still walk down that aisle." He replied.

"What and live the rest of my life with a man I loved even though I was IN love with someone else?" She asked him. "God you should be a comedian because you are funny." She spat.

"Fuck Liv will you listen to yourself?" He asked grabbing her wrists and making her look at him. "You are in love with me and I am in love with you what is the problem here?" He asked her viciously.

"Trust Elliot! I don't trust you and in a relationship you have to have trust!" She snapped.

"Let me try and build that trust up then, I'm not going anywhere Liv, I'm not leaving you again I swear I won't make the same mistake twice." He explained the hurt in his eyes evident.

She sighed and turned away, Elliot Stabler melting her heart was not what she had planned.

He pulled her into him and latched his lips onto hers dropping her wrists in the process.

It was thirteen years of pent up sexual tension being relieved in that one kiss. Their tongues fought against each other as her arms snaked around his neck and his around her waist pulling her onto his lap so she straddled him.

"El..." She moaned as his lips left her mouth and wondered down her neck. "Don't mark me." She gasped as one of his hands squeezed her breast while the other supported her back.

"Fuck Liv." He moaned as she began to rub herself against his erection.

"Now El, I need you." She moaned and he pushed her off his lap and she helped him make quick work of removing his trousers and boxers freeing the erection that had become almost excruciatingly painful.

He slipped off her panties and pulled her to him kissing her as his hands felt up her back and ribs both of them still clothed upper body, if you could call the teddy Olivia was wearing clothing.

"Now El fuck me now." She moaned.

He didn't need to be told twice as he lay her down on the large couch and briefly checked that she was ready for him with her thumb before quickly entering her.

"Ahh El." She gasped half in pain half in pleasure, he was a lot bigger than she'd expected.

"Shit Liv you ok?" He asked as he stroked her hair out of her face.

"Yeah give me a moment." She said arching his hips up to him hoping she could get used to him quick.

"Liv?"

"Move." She told him and he leant over and kissed her before he started to move.

"Fuck harder El." She groaned and he did, he pummelled into her enjoying ever feeling through his body every touch of her skin, every moan that passed through her lips, he loved the way she was biting down on her bottom lip and gripping awkwardly to the couch to the point her knuckles were turning wait.

"El I'm gonna..." She moaned.

"I'm right with you baby." He replied feeling his climax so near. "Let go with me Liv." He told her as he gripped to her hips as he hit her hard and fast.

"Elliot!" She called out loudly as her body convulsed into ecstasy.

"Oh fuck Liv." He groaned as he spilled inside of her before collapsing onto her.

"Oh my God." Olivia panted.

"Wow Liv." He panted back.

She stroked her hand through his hair as they both recovered.

"I love you Elliot." She whispered softly.

"I love you too Liv, more than you'll ever know." He told her before kissing her softly. "And next time I want to make love you slowly, I want to worship every aspect of your body Liv, like it deserves to be worshiped."He explained gently.

"Who said there's going to be a next time?" She asked.

His head snapped up to hers and he was relieved to find a playful smirk on her face, he was almost convinced that she was going to ditch him again.

"We'll figure this out El, I promise." She smiled before kissing his forehead.

"FBI FREEZE!" Someone yelled coming in through the door.

"Shit!"

"Neither of you move!"

"Special Agent Olivia Benson Manhattan Sex Crimes!" She called from underneath Elliot who was glad to be covering her up.

"Benson?" The agent called coming towards her, he knew her name from her supposing to marry Dean.

"Yeah I'm undercover douche!" She called up to him as he passed her a robe which had been obviously there for whichever pro they found in here.

"You were having sex while working undercover?" He asked eyebrow raised.

"Keeping up the act." Elliot replied. "She'd rather have sex with a friend and co-worker than have to have with these perverts, it was lose lose when she got into the situation." He explained covering Olivia's back.

"Which unit are you with?" Olivia asked him.

"Oh yeah sorry, Special Agent Karl Rotherham Manhattan Drug Trafficking." He explained.

"Well thank you Agent Rotherham for throwing our undercover op out the fucking window!" Olivia snapped just as Cragen, Munch and Fin walked in with Dana.

"Olivia it doesn't make a difference the same people they've busted for drugs are the same ones we were after for the girls." Dana explained.

"How the fuck didn't we know that two different uni's were looking at the same people and place for different crimes?" Olivia asked in complete shock.

"Confidential information isn't passed around Olivia, very few people knew we were undercover here." She explained. "Oh I got these for you." She passed Olivia's large purse with her clothes inside.

"Thanks Dana." Olivia was relieved.

"Now we'll meet you back at the one six because we have a hell of a mess to clean up." Cragen snapped walking out.

"Oh El!" Fin moaned as he walked out and Olivia turned bright red and looked at Dana who shrugged following the boys out.

"Liv?" Elliot asked as she sat down and dropped her head into her hands in embarrassment.

"I reattached the wire and we didn't remove it again." She explained.

"Oh fuck." Elliot groaned.

"Oh fuck is what we fucking did and our co-workers and boss heard Elliot!" Olivia snapped. "They could have both our shields for this!"

"Mine easier than yours you were a fed undercover and were just doing what you had to do." Elliot told her. "I've got your back Liv."

"That's not the point how am I ever going to look Don Cragen in the eye again?" She moaned. "That man is like a father to me and he heard me having sex with you."

"Liv, don't worry about it ok? Let's just get you dressed go to the one six and then see where things go from there ok?" He smiled and wrapped her up in an embrace.

"Thanks El." She sighed contently into his chest.

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Back at the one six everyone including George Huang and Dana Lewis were gathered in the conference room. Olivia and Elliot held hands under the desk both terrified of what was going to happen. Don Cragen came in and placed a tape player in the middle of the table and pressed play.

"Ahh El."

Olivia cringed and dropped her head, she couldn't believe that he was doing this.

"Shit Liv you ok?"

"Yeah give me a moment."

"Liv?"

"Move."

"Fuck harder El."

Olivia shook her head unable to act unsure what to do or say.

A series of moans and groans echoed from the player.

"Ok turn it off!" Olivia yelled jumping to her feet.

"Why I'm enjoying the repeat performance." Don replied angrily.

Olivia reached over and grabbed the tape player and as the noises coming from it got louder and she couldn't find the stop button she threw it against the wall beside Don Cragen's head thank God that the machine broke stopping anymore of the sounds.

The room was in complete silence, every eye on Olivia as she clutched to the side of the table with her head bowed in embarrassment.

"Now you know how we felt having to listen to it." Don explained getting to his feet.

"You could have turned it off!" Olivia yelled.

"You shouldn't have let it get that far!" Don yelled back.

"People make mistakes! It shouldn't have happened, I admit that but it did it didn't mean you had to listen to it!" She screamed the fury in her eyes scaring everyone.

"What do you think your superiors over at the FBI are going to think when they hear that?" Cragen called angrily.

"You're really going to give it to them?" She asked in disbelief her voice still raised in shock.

"Olivia FBI Agents busted in on you with your legs open and a cops dick inside of you it's going to get around!" He yelled ignoring the wincing Olivia was doing at his chosen words. "I thought you had more respect for yourself than that." He hissed his voice lower as tears filled Olivia's eyes.

"Well you obviously thought wrong." She replied before walking from her end of the table around it to Don's end and walking straight out of the door.

The whole room stayed completely quiet. Elliot had his head bowed and his eyes closed as he tried to keep his own anger in check. Dana had her elbow on the table her hand clasped to her mouth in complete shock at what she'd heard and now witnessed. Fin was sat back with his arms across his chest and his eyes closed. Munch was leaning against the wall behind Fin and looking at the floor. George who was leaning against the opposite wall was staring blankly at the door where Olivia had marched out of as he analysed everything that had just happened ready to be the shrink to everyone when they were ready for it and Don Cragen was sat with his head in his hands unsure what to do with himself.

Huang was the first to move opting to follow Olivia out the door. He found her sat at her desk her head in her hands and her shoulders shaking as the evidence of her sobs.

"Olivia." He said softly as he moved towards her.

"Go away." She asked him.

"Come on, you and me let's go to FP." He told her.

"Why? I'm going to get fired for this." She informed him.

"No you're not Don will destroy that tape Olivia, he wouldn't be able to give it to your superiors and whatever was seen in that room isn't proof of anything and most Agents will just think it's a rumour spread to annoy Dean so come on, let's get out of here and give everyone some time to calm down." He said and she got up and wiped her eyes with her sleeve before following him out.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia and Huang talk, Elliot and Don talk, and maybe something else interesting if it comes to mind! **

**A/N : Five reviews till next upload so get reviewing I don't see the point only updating for one person!**


	16. Chapter 16

_**I'm so pleased with the five reviews! Yeyy! Thank you! The reason I put that there was it's disappointing when I get 10 reviews on one story and 2 reviews on another when you know 20 people have story alerts so I thought I'm going to set a limit of reviews and it's five on all stories bar one because I think only 2 people are actually reading it anyway haha!**_

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"So you had sex with Elliot." Huang said.

Olivia stared at him, she'd stopped crying now but that didn't mean what had happened didn't hurt her.

"Way to state the obvious." She replied angrily.

They were now sat in Olivia's office at Federal Plaza. George had seen the torn canvass that was once a picture of her and Dean still hanging on the wall in shreds but had decided that could wait for another day, right now he had to deal with the issue at hand.

"Sorry." He replied. "What's got you so rattled Olivia?" He asked her gently as her eyes narrowed with further fury. "I mean what are you most angry about, having sex with Elliot? Or that the guys at the one six heard you having sex with Elliot?"

"What difference does it make?" She asked through gritted teeth as she clicked the silver pen in her hand as some form of stress relief.

"It makes a lot of difference Olivia, let me ask you this then, do you regret having sex with Elliot?" Huang continued, it was obvious he wasn't going to give it up.

"Do I regret sleeping with him? No. Do I regret sleeping with him on a couch while Don Cragen and the guys at the one six were listening in and I was working undercover? Yes." She replied bluntly.

"Ok, now you said while Don was listening in, he's the only one you named, what's bad about him listening in?" Huang continued while Olivia stared at him in complete disbelief.

"He was my Captain for thirteen years, he's been like a father to me for thirteen years I'm embarrassed that he heard what he did George I'm ashamed, what he had to listen to is worse than walking on your teenage daughter having sex and I can't believe I did that to him, I am never going to be able to look him the eye again." Olivia brushed the falling tear from her cheek and took a deep and shaky breath.

"You need to talk to him Liv." Huang replied as Olivia's eyes grew in shock.

"No. No, no, no, I have nothing to say to him." Olivia replied.

"You have a lot to say to him Olivia." George smirked as Olivia closed her eyes in frustration.

"I am not going to talk to him so he can yell at me and make me feel worse about all this than I already do, he already thinks I'm a slut." Olivia spat angrily.

"What makes you think that he thinks you're a slut? He never called you a slut." Huang was intrigued to see Olivia's logic go to work, she never ceased to amaze him when it came to questions like this.

"He said and I quote 'I thought you had more respect for yourself than that.' To me that's the equivalent of calling me a slut or a whore." Olivia replied.

"Really?" George was surprised to hear her logic because it made absolutely no sense.

"Olivia, out of everybody at the one six Don Cragen is the last one who would ever call you a slut or a whore and I think he would be absolutely disgraced to hear that you even think he would, he's in shock at what happened at what he heard but he would never let anyone use those words to describe you, but I am surprise you think it, do you think you're a slut for doing what you did?" Huang's mind was working a hundred miles per hour trying to straighten out what was going on in Olivia's mind but it wasn't easy.

"Yes." She replied as she dropped her head in shame.

"I don't." Huang informed her making her head snap up in shock.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't think it makes you a slut Olivia, I think that it was bound to happen and I warned Don that sending Elliot in there when you were going to be dressed like that with the possibilities we'd talked about was a big mistake, it doesn't make you a slut Olivia you acted on both physical and emotional reactions in your brain if you and Elliot hadn't pounced I'd be very concerned about both of your mental, emotional and sexual health."

"Wait ..." Olivia's eyes flickered quickly as her mind went to work processing all the information George had given her and trying to choose which question was most important to ask first.

"You warned him?" Olivia asked as that's what seemed to be bothering her the most.

"Yeah." Huang nodded. "I'd been talking to Dana earlier in the day and she'd told me about your shopping trip and your practise session at her place and I was concerned, I spoke to Don and he said not to worry that Elliot was going to be there as back up as he was the most protective over you, I explained to him the problem wasn't going to be protection against the perps I told him that he needed to send in the person with least sexual desire towards you and you to them and recommended Munch or himself going in." George explained. "I knew the moment you stepped into that room that more than a lap dance was going to happen and I was powerless to stop it."

"I will kill him." Olivia replied in shock at what she'd learned.

"Who Elliot?"

"No Don." Olivia's eyes narrowed once again as she became filled with anger.

"How do you feel towards Elliot now?" Huang asked needing to finish the session and get all the information before Olivia marched into the one six.

"I want to trust him." Olivia explained. "But I don't know how."

"Let the trust build Olivia, it's not going to just reappear straight away, having sex with him doesn't mean everything is going to be perfect you were acting on thirteen years of pent up sexual frustration and that's ok, but the relationship itself is going to take a lot of hard work and I know Elliot is ready to put that work in but are you?" He asked her with all seriousness in his face.

"I don't know. I can't give you more than that." She replied getting to her feet. "Now if you don't mind I have somewhere I need to be." And with that she grabbed her car keys and headed for the door leaving George Huang to watch her go knowing exactly where she was going and hoping she was going to react in the complete opposite of what he expected her to.

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Olivia had just not long left the one six with George Huang and Elliot and Don were now the only two sitting in the conference room. It was an awkward but deafening silence that engulfed them, neither one sure what to say to the other without exploding and there had been enough screaming for one night.

"What were you thinking?" Don eventually asked but it wasn't anger in his voice, it was sadness which surprised the hell out of Elliot.

"I don't know." He shrugged keeping his eyes down in shame.

"She's been through enough Elliot, she doesn't need you pissing her about." Don explained the sadness still penetrating ever syllable.

"I won't hurt her." Elliot said firmly but Don's eyes bore into him.

"You already have." Don replied. "You used her..."

"No, no I didn't." Elliot replied firmly cutting Don off in the process. "I love her and I will not give her up without a fight Don." His voice was filled with passion, a combination of anger and love that could be so deadly it almost frightened Don Cragen.

"You had sex with her on a couch while she was undercover dressed in no more than panties and a teddy, she was at her most vulnerable and you took advantage of her." Don replied the sadness still filling every word.

"No that's not what it was like." Elliot replied harshly the tears stinging his eyes as he started to believe what Don Cragen as saying to him.

"That is exactly what it was like Elliot, she's broken hearted because of what happened with Dean don't you see that and you caused it. She was happy, I have never seen her that happy in the thirteen years I've known her and then you waltz back into her life like a tornado tearing a path of destruction through it and then ... When I heard what was going on in that room I wanted to get your balls in a vice, she's my little girl Elliot and you're slowly killing her, you're hurting her. When I bought you back here it was in the hope that slowly you'd rekindle what you both had and somehow take it that one step further and get together because she deserves to be happy and I thought that with you she could have had that, but then you took advantage of her and there is no point in you saying you didn't because you did Elliot, she loves you more than you will ever know, she wouldn't have called off her wedding if she didn't but what you did tonight was unforgivable." Don's tear filled eyes turned away from the man he used to see as a son, he didn't even recognise him anymore.

"You're right." Elliot whispered hoarsely. "I did take advantage of her." He stood up and put his hand cuffs, gun and shield on the table. "Arrest me."

"What?" Don looked at him shock.

"It wasn't rape, but it was sexual assault that happened before the sex. Arrest me for sexual assault." He explained but Don shook his head and turned away from him.

"Don't be stupid."

"You said it yourself Don! I took advantage if that isn't sexual assault then I don't know what it is now arrest me!" Elliot yelled.

"Yelling at me isn't going to make this situation better Elliot!" Don yelled finally standing up and looking Elliot in the eye.

"I came to this unit because I believe that no one should be able to use sex in a bad way, sex should be a beautiful thing between two people but that's not what happened earlier I took advantage of a broken hearted and vulnerable woman, arrest me for sexual assault Don because that's what I did, I turned into one of the monsters that we put away." The tears shone in Elliot's eyes and Don really felt for him. "Now arrest me before I find someone who will." Elliot's voice was deep and threatening and it actually scared Don a little.

"Elliot Stabler," He picked up the handcuffs with a sadness in his eye. "You're under arrest for the crime of sexual assault, you have the right to remain silent, if you give up that right anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, you have the right to an attorney if you cannot afford an attorney one will be provided for you, do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?" Don spoke the words of the Miranda warning slowly as Elliot turned around and let himself be cuffed, the only difference was Don knew that this was just for show for Elliot, he was in no way really under arrest because they didn't have a complaining victim.

He walked Elliot out into the bullpen and everyone stared in shock as he took Elliot to the cage. As soon as Elliot stepped inside he walked off without looking back because it hurt him to see what this had become and he only blamed himself.

When he walked into his office he was surprised to see Olivia sat in the chair opposite his desk.

"Liv?" He asked in surprise.

"Sorry I didn't really want to sit out there." She shrugged as he walked round to his own seat.

"No of course not, I just didn't know you were here." He replied, if he had done he would have stopped Elliot from allowing himself to be arrested.

"Uh I have a question for you." She told him nervously, she was trying to stop herself from blowing up at him like she felt like doing.

"Sure Olivia ask away." He said softly, he was hoping to avoid an argument even though right now he didn't even feel himself able to look at the woman he considered a daughter, who he only a week ago should have walked down the aisle and given to a man in marriage.

"I was back in my office at FP with George and we were talking." She was explaining herself so she wouldn't have to explain herself later on.

"Right." He replied wondering where she was going with this.

"He happened to mention that he warned you what could happen putting me and Elliot in that situation." Olivia explained.

"He may have voiced some concerns and possibilities Olivia, it's his job." Don replied gently.

"Whatever." Olivia hissed getting to her feet. "You know, I know what you think of me Don and I'm not surprised considering what happened but I didn't expect what happened to change my opinion of you." Olivia sighed and headed to the door with a nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach.

As she walked slowly into the bullpen she felt the nausea getting stronger, she was slowly putting it down to the alcohol she'd drank with no food in her stomach and the fact that it was now heading for three am.

"Liv?" Fin asked seeing her go deathly white.

She ran to the sink in the corner of the room just in time for everything in her stomach to come out. She coughed and spluttered as she vomited, Fin and Nick rushing to rub her back and hold back her hair while Elliot who was locked in the cage called her name.

"El." She moaned weakly before her stomach turned again.

"Olivia?" Don rushed from his office over to the Detectives to help them with the Agent bent over the sink.

"I'm k." She mumbled weakly as she struggled to stand, a combination of the lack of sleep, lack of food and alcohol in her system taking over.

"Whoa let's get you sat down." Cragen said as Fin and Nick helped her over to her desk chair and sat her down gently.

She bowed her head and rested it on her knees trying to make the persistent nauseating feeling in her stomach vanish.

"Liv I got you some water." Munch said softly.

"Thanks." Olivia mumbled weakly as she took the glass. "Where's El?" She groaned her stomach doing a backflip and just as she was about to dive for the sink a metal waste paper bin landed in front over her in perfect time for her to throw up some remaining stomach acid. "Ouch." She groaned because of the burning the acid was causing her throat.

"Fin go and get Elliot and make sure he's given up on this idea to be charged." Don said as he stroked Olivia's back in circular motions.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked as she felt her head spin and she knew this wasn't because of the alcohol.

"I don't know Liv are you feeling better or worse?" Don asked gently not giving up on rubbing her back.

"Worse." She moaned as she tried to use her hand to hold her head up but it was becoming harder and harder.

"Liv!" Elliot called and as Olivia snapped her head up to meet his eyes she felt a rush go through her body and she fell forward right into Nick Amaro's arms.

"Call a bus!" Don yelled as Nick held tight to Olivia turning her so she was cradled into the crook of his arm and removing the hair out of her face.

For a woman with Olivia skin she suddenly looked as white as a sheet. As her head lolled against Nick's bicep and her breathing became more and more shallow.

"Come on Liv stay with me." Elliot whispered as he stroked Olivia's face removing her hair from her sweat filled forehead. "She's burning up." Elliot informed Fin who was holding tight onto the

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**Next Chapter – Hehehe I love cliffhangers. **


	17. Chapter 17

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At the hospital everyone was nervously expecting news on Olivia, as she had changed her medical proxy and next of kin to Dean (one of the down sides of their job was having to make sure things like that stayed up to date) no one would tell them what was going on with Olivia until she came around and gave them verbal permission to do so. It was an agonising wait, especially for Elliot who was blaming himself.

George Huang and Dana Lewis had joined them at the hospital as soon as Don Cragen had let them no Olivia was there, he'd thought she'd appreciate having someone nearby from the bureau.

"This is getting so tedious!" Elliot snapped.

"Elliot once Olivia's awake we'll find out what's wrong with her." Cragen replied gently, he knew Elliot was worried sick, everyone was but they couldn't change the facts.

"I was her medical proxy and next of kin." Elliot spat.

"Yeah was being the context of that sentence Elliot, you left and she was getting married and when she was shot in Texas she changed it to Dean knowing if anything happened to her she wanted her fiancé too make the decisions for her." Cragen replied giving Elliot a little bit of the guilt trip about him leaving her.

"She was shot?" He asked in shock and Don realised he's said a little too much. "Don?"

"Yes when the squad went out to Texas on a case she was shot Elliot, she's fine though as you can see. And you can't be angry at her for changing her medical proxy because as soon as you left she changed it to Fin, but since Dean's left she hasn't had a chance to change it since and I'm sure she will as soon as she's able too." Don explained.

"What happened in Texas?" Elliot asked not really caring about the medical stuff right now.

"The FBI and SVU were working a case with chid traffickers and they had to go to Texas to stop a shipment of girls getting to Manhattan, they were scattered ready to stop the trucks when a guy took Olivia at gun point, when the guy was shot his gun went off and the bullet lodged itself in her shoulder but it was shallow and she was fine." Cragen explained to calm his fears.

"Olivia Benson's family?" A nurse smiled coming into the waiting room.

"Yeah that's us." Elliot said hurriedly.

"She's conscious and is asking for a George Huang and Fin Tutuola if they're here." The nurse smiled.

Elliot tried to hide the pang of rejection that hit him to find out Olivia didn't want him by her side.

"Elliot you have to remember she doesn't trust you at the moment." Don told him gently as he patted his shoulder, he did feel for the younger man but he also knew for Olivia to ask for George there had to be something wrong and she wanted a shrink.

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Olivia sat in the bed with tears streaming down her face, she fumbled with the wire from the nasal oxygen tube she was wearing. When George and Fin walked in she felt her heart hammering in her chest but right now she needed them by her side.

"Hey baby girl." Fin smiled gently rushing over to the bedside and taking her hand in his own.

"Hey." Olivia sniffed as she squeezed his hand.

"Have they told you what happened Olivia?" George asked coming over to the other side of the bed and was surprised when Olivia took his hand too.

"Yeah." She nodded before a harsh sob left her throat and the tears began falling again.

"Liv it can't be that bad can it?" Fin asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear for her.

"I don't know define bad." Olivia laughed as she tried to stop her cries.

"Uh… life or death?" Fin tried.

"No not bad then." Olivia replied chuckling a little.

"Olivia what is it?" George asked gently.

"I – I- don't even know what to say." Olivia sniffed and closed her eyes, this was going to change everything.

"Olivia?" George asked gently.

"I'm pregnant." She whispered. "I'm having Dean's baby."

Both men looked at each other briefly and then back at Olivia.

"What do I do?" She asked as she opened her eyes.

"What do you want to do Liv?" George asked knowing the question was directed at him and that Fin was just there to hold her hand.

"I want to keep it but I have to tell Dean and Elliot and this changes everything." Olivia whispered.

"Sounds like you already know what to do Olivia." George told her.

"I haven't spoken to Dean since that morning at the hotel, I don't even know if he'll answer the call." Olivia explained weakly.

"Olivia, if you want my advice. Call him, he's the dad he has every right to know and based on what he says then you can make your decisions." Fin interrupted before Huang could say something.

"Can you pass me my phone?" Olivia asked signalling to her clothes on the chair beside the bed.

Fin passed her the jacket knowing the phone would be in her pocket.

"Do you want some privacy?" George asked.

"Yeah but Fin will you stay?" She asked, she needed someone holding her hand.

"Sure." Fin replied.

"I'll be outside if you need me Liv." George said giving her hand one last squeeze as she pressed call hoping he'd be awake, it was gone six am now.

As the phone began to ring she held her breath and closed her eyes.

Porter.

"Hey Dean uh it's Olivia." She said trying to hide the fact that she'd been crying.

Livia, it's good to hear your voice, everything ok?

"Uh yeah I guess uh Dean uh I don't know how to tell you this but uh Dean I'm pregnant." She rushed the last three words out.

You're pregnant and it's mine?

"No it's Fin's." She replied sarcastically. "Of course it's yours we were trying for a kid Dean it was bound to happen."

I'm gonna be a Dad?

The excitement in his voice was obvious even to Fin who could just about hear what was being said.

"Yeah." Olivia replied.

That's … oh my God Livia that's brilliant news, I'll be home soon I'll get the best flight I can get out of here, text me your address and I'll be there soon.

"Ok, I'll see you then bye."

Bye Liv.

As soon as she put the phone down she dropped her head into her hands and sighed.

"Wasn't that bad was it." Fin smiled gently.

"This is such a mess Fin." Olivia replied. "He's my ex fiancé there is no chance of us getting back together, I slept with Elliot last night just to find out I'm pregnant with another man's kid, what am I gonna do?" Olivia asked in frustration.

"Liv, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere you're like my sister and whatever you decide to do I've got your back ok?" He smiled gently.

"Thanks Fin." She smiled. "But I have to tell everyone because I can't tell them why I ended up in here without it."

"Why did you end up in here?" Fin questioned.

"Stress and high blood sugar level … oh fuck Fin I was drinking last night!" She looked terrified.

"Hey Olivia a lot of women drink when they're pregnant, if you stop now it should be ok." Fin told her gently.

"I feel so sorry to this kid being born into such a mess!" Olivia sighed.

"Olivia, that kid is going to have the best Mom in the world that I'm sure of, doesn't matter about the circumstances, the baby was created out of love, it wasn't a mistake you told Dean you'd been trying so your kid will know that." Fin was trying to reassure her as much as he could.

"Yeah you're right but I can't tell them Fin, I don't want to see their faces when they find out." She sighed heavily.

"Well I doubt George has told them but I could if you want." Fin suggested gently.

"Would they hate me for not telling them myself?" Olivia asked.

"Right now I think they just want to know why you're in a hospital bed and they still don't know why." Fin chuckled.

"I don't want to see any of them except for Don tonight, especially not Elliot just tell him I'm sorry." Olivia whispered as tears filled her eyes again.

"Ok I'll tell everyone and then I'll be back with Don, I'll tell everyone to go ok?" He said softly.

"Thank you Fin. Seriously for everything." She told him.

"Anytime Sis, anytime." He smiled before letting go of her hand and heading out.

Olivia sank into the pillows and stared at the ceiling wondering how much everyone was going to hate her for this.

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Fin stepped out into corridor his mind going a million miles per hour, he was wondering how he was going to tell everyone Olivia's 'condition' he knew they were going to be flustered, he knew Elliot would be pissed that Olivia didn't tell him herself but he was going to keep his promise that only Don would be allowed to visit.

"Well?" Don asked as soon as the detective was in the room.

"She's ok, high blood pressure and high sugar levels." Fin explained. "She's resting and has asked that only Don see her tonight and the rest of you go home." Fin was nervous and everyone else could see it as he rubbed his hands together.

"What aren't you telling us?" Elliot asked.

"Olivia has also asked me to let you because she can't figure out how to tell you all herself, but she wanted you to know that she's just found out that she's pregnant and that's why she collapsed." Fin explained watching Elliot for his reaction.

Everyone was shocked, which wasn't a surprise but Elliot's was.

"P-p-pregnant?" He stuttered.

"Yeah she's told Dean so she wanted all of you to know too." Fin explained his eyes still fixed on Elliot.

"Fin, tell her … tell her I'm not leaving, if she doesn't want to see me fine but I'm not leaving." Elliot told him.

"Sure." Fin replied. "Coming Captain?" Fin asked and the older man nodded and followed Fin to Olivia's room, his mouth dry with shock at Olivia's news.

When they walked into the room it was obvious Olivia was sleeping but the sound of the door closing woke her up.

"Hey." She mumbled without opening her eyes.

"Oh Liv." Don sighed taking her hand in his own making her open her eyes and look at him.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"Don't apologise, how are you feeling?" Don asked gently.

"I don't think it's sunk in yet, I should have known or done a test or something Don I mean we were trying for a kid after the miscarriage, the chances of this happening were high yet I still drank last night. I'm such an idiot!"

"Olivia, don't worry you know now and you've told Dean what did he say?"

"He's coming back." Olivia sighed. "I don't even know how I'm going to look at him I only ditched him at the altar and then find out I'm carrying his kid. Our kid. This is such a mess Don." Olivia sighed as tears stung her eyes again, she didn't want to cry, she was done with crying but she couldn't stop them tumbling down her cheeks.

"You'll figure it out Olivia." Don told her softly.

"I know I just feel so alone and I can't give this kid the life he or she deserves Don I'm not made to be a mother." She cried.

"Olivia, I know you, you're going to make a brilliant mother and you're far from alone, I'm here and Fin and Elliot's refused to leave the waiting room." Don chuckled a little as he told about Elliot, he was a stubborn son of a bitch.

"Elliot's not left? I don't want to see him he's going to be furious!" Olivia cried harder.

"He didn't look mad when we left." Fin told her. "He was surprised and then he told me to tell you that he was there and he was going nowhere even if you don't want to see him he's there." Fin explained.

"Agh!" Olivia groaned loudly in frustration. "How can he even want to look at me again, I'm carrying my ex's kid!" Olivia was frustrated.

"I don't think he cares Olivia, he loves you and I'm sure he'll love your baby too." Don told her confidently.

"No, he's going to hate it because it's Dean's." Olivia sobbed.

"I don't think so." Fin replied honestly. "I really don't think he cares who's kid it is Olivia's as long as it's yours, he'll be there for you and the baby."

"We're not even together Fin, I'm sure he hates me after what happened." She explained.

"I think he hates himself more." Don interjected. "He made me arrest him Olivia, for sexual assault."

"He did what?" Olivia gasped.

"Yeah said if I didn't arrest him he'd find someone who would, said he was confessing to sexual assault against you." Don explained.

"That's stupid he didn't assault me." Olivia replied exasperated at this latest revelation.

"Well I wasn't going to arrest him but I mirandized him and put him in the cage knowing you'd come by and hope you'd talk some sense into him but when you collapsed I made Fin get him." Don explained.

"He's an idiot." Olivia sighed.

"No I think he just blames himself for what happens and feels guilty." Don replied deciding not to tell her that he'd blamed him and made him feel guilty.

"This situation is such a mess, when did my life get so complicated?" She sighed.

"The day you met Elliot Stabler." Don replied with just a soft grin on his face.

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**Next Chapter – Dean arrives at the hospital and Elliot makes a promise!**


	18. Chapter 18

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When Olivia woke up she found that Captain Cragen was still by her side, sleeping in the uncomfortable chair beside the bed it seemed like someone had given him a comforter during the night.

She went to move but then realised he had a gentle grip on her hand and she didn't want to disturb him so she sank back into the pillows and closed her eyes.

She'd barely dropped off when a voice calling her name shocked her awake.

"Liv! Oh Liv!" Dean Porter rushed to her side not noticing that Don Cragen was beside her.

"Hey." She smiled as he took her hand awkwardly.

"How are you?" He asked as Don Cragen woke up from his light slumber.

"I'm fine Dean." Olivia replied glancing at Don nervously.

"I was so worried about you." He told her as he stroked her hair.

"So you got my text then?" She asked having texted him to come to the hospital.

"Yeah of course I did, how far along are you?" He asked.

"Five weeks." She replied gingerly, this conversation couldn't be any more uncomfortable.

"Oh my God." He whispered looking into her chocolate coloured eyes. "We're actually having a baby." His eyes lit up with this statement, he was happy, genuinely happy.

"Yeah we are." Olivia replied shakily.

"Baby what's wrong?" He asked her gently unaware of Don Cragen listening intently.

"I'm not your baby Dean." Olivia snapped angrily.

"I'm sorry old habits die hard Liv, talk to me though, tell me what's wrong." He said as he caressed her face softly.

"Dean, we're not together and I am not getting back with you because I'm having our baby, I want to be with Elliot, I plan on being with Elliot." She explained.

"You're not with him yet?" Dean asked in surprise.

"No not yet." Olivia replied sighing, things between her and Elliot had just got even more complicated and Dean was the last person she wanted to discuss the complications with.

"Ok but what's wrong Olivia?" He asked her gently.

"What are we going to do Dean?" Olivia asked scanning his eyes as if searching for an answer.

"I don't know but we'll figure it out Olivia." He told her gently. "I'm not going anywhere though, I'm going to be here for our child and you if you need me." He said firmly. "I will always love you Olivia, even if you don't love me."

Tears prickled Olivia's eyes, this was killing her.

"Dean…" She whispered hoarsely.

"Livia, please don't worry about this we'll figure it out." He told her kissing her hand gently.

"I just … can you leave please? I'll talk to you when I've left here but not now I need … I need to think Dean." She told him.

"Ok, ok I can do that, just call me if you need me ok?" He told her gently.

"Thank you." She whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead before turning and walking out leaving the tears to flood down Olivia's face.

Don Cragen's heart broke at hearing Olivia's gentle sobs, she must have forgotten that she was holding his hand because when he shifted in her grip she jumped in surprise.

"Sorry." He told her.

"It's ok." She replied turning her face away and wiping her tears, she didn't want him to see her cry again.

"He's right you know." Don told her making her turn to face him in shock. "You will figure this out."

"What if he tries to take my baby?" Olivia whispered her voice aching with un-cried sobs.

"I don't think he'll do that Olivia, he said he'll be here and hopefully you can come to some agreement without having to go to family court." Don told her gently.

"Hope so." She mumbled sinking back into the pillows. "Don…" She turned her head so she could look at him.

"What is it Liv?" He asked giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Could you…" She hesitated nervously but the look in his eyes told her to ask away. "Could you find out if Elliot is still here and if he wants to see me?" She asked weakly.

"Of course I can Liv, and if he is?" He asked.

"I need to talk to him." She explained and he nodded and gave her a gentle smile.

"And if that's the case I'll go and get some coffee." Don smiled and she nodded gratefully before the older man let go of her hand and slipped out.

Olivia took a deep breath and allowed the sob she'd been holding back to break free. She was crying because of the mess she was in, seeing Dean again reminded her what she'd let go of, Dean was perfect, he loved her and she did in face love him too but she could never love anyone the way she loved Elliot, too much had happened between the ex partners for that to be even possible and now she was in a mess, she was pregnant with Dean's baby and she was scared but she was also happy, she was finally getting a chance to be a Mom even if it was in a less than ideal situation.

"Liv?" Elliot called and she wiped her tears and turned to him.

The relief that flooded his eyes seeing her made her smile at him. He rushed over to her and wrapped her up in an embrace holding her as tight as he could to his chest. A sob passed her lips and she cried into his shoulder as she held tightly to him.

"I'm sorry." She cried. "I'm so sorry."

"You're not to be sorry for anything." He told her. "Please don't cry, I'm here and I'm going nowhere." His voice was firm, definite.

"Why do you want to be with me Elliot? I screwed up? I'm pregnant with Dean's baby." She cried and he pulled away from her only to cup her face and look in her eyes.

"You Olivia Benson, are one amazing woman, I am going nowhere, I am here for you and I am here for your child, whatever you decide to do I am here for the two of you ok?" He told her firmly and she nodded in reply.

"Even if I have Dean helping me with the baby?" She asked.

"Of course Olivia, he's that baby's Daddy, I'd never try and stop him seeing his kid but you Olivia if you will let me make you mine, I want to be with you and no one else." He told her and she allowed the cries to pass her as she pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I love you." She croaked. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Liv and we'll figure all this out ok? You me and Dean will work all this out." He told her and she just nodded into his shoulder.

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Olivia was discharged from hospital later that day and Elliot took her home to the apartment she had once shared with Dean that she was still living in for the foreseeable future anyway.

"Nice place Liv." Elliot smiled as she put the key in the door.

"You've not even been inside!" She laughed as she pushed the door open to find the lights on and see Dean sat in the living room.

"Dean." She said in surprise as Elliot closed the door.

"I didn't think you'd still be living here." He told her.

"I've been too busy to figure anything out Dean." She told him as he picked up one of the pictures of them from the photoshoot they'd enjoyed in Central Park.

"You haven't changed anything in here." He told her.

"I haven't been here much Dean, I stayed with Alex and then I was working I slept on the couch in my office most nights." She replied as Elliot stood uncomfortably behind her.

"It's ok, I mean you can live here if you want, it's yours too do what you want with, I mean I can go to a hotel." He said getting to his feet.

"No Dean don't do that, this is your home too." Olivia told him. "You take the bedroom I'll take the guest room." She explained.

"No…"

"Please?" She whispered, she was feeling guilty enough.

"Ok." He nodded.

"Elliot can I see you tomorrow I think me and Dean have a lot to talk about." She said turning to the person she was hoping she'd be calling boyfriend within the next few days.

"Of course Liv, call me if you need anything ok?" He told her tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You know I will." She smiled before leaning in and giving him a gentle kiss before opening the door for him.

As soon as she closed it she took a deep breath knowing that this conversation was going to be hard.

"Ok so what now?" Dean asked.

"We need to figure out what we do when junior gets here." She explained moving over to the kitchen to make them both a coffee.

"Olivia you've got eight months to go…"

"Not the point Dean I don't want to be worried about custody while I'm pregnant." She informed him.

"Ok fine." He nodded. "I've put in a transfer to come back here to New York just under a different unit." He told her.

"Ok." She replied, at least that would mean she wouldn't be shipping her child half way around the country to spend time with his or her father.

"I don't want a custody battle Olivia." He informed her as she passed him a coffee.

"Good neither do I." She replied as they moved their conversation into the open living room both of them sitting on the arm chairs opposite each other keeping as much distance between them as they could.

"I wanted to ask you what you thought about co-parenting." He told her.

"Co-Parenting?" She asked in surprise.

"Yeah you know where we both bring up our child as equals." He explained.

"I know what co-parenting is Dean, I just haven't really thought about this you know, I'm still in shock that we're actually going to be having this kid together. I don't know what to make of all this." She explained.

"I know sweetie I know." He told her gently.

"But we have to come to some mutual agreement." She said firmly, that was one thing she wanted sorted sooner rather than later.

"Well I'm not leaving New York until my child turns eighteen Olivia so I'm always going to be here, maybe we could try and live nearby to each other too." Dean smiled gently.

"Sure, I mean that we can do." She smiled back at him, this conversation seemed to be going easier than she thought it would.

"Maybe we could get every other weekend off from work, so you're working when I'm off and I'm working when you're off." He suggested.

"Sure." Olivia nodded, that was one more problem solved.

"Then until our kid goes to school we can come to some sort of agreement, if we live close enough to each other maybe I could come over for dinner sometimes, I mean I'd like to tuck my kid into bed." Dean explained.

"I don't see why not, if we can be civil or even friends then we could do dinner every night if work permits us too." Olivia told him and his eyes lit up while he nodded excitedly. "I mean just because we don't share a bed or even a home anymore it doesn't mean our kid can't see both his parents before bed."

"I'd like that Olivia." He told her.

"Then it's sorted. Every other weekend and dinner whenever work permits us too. That will be perfect up until he or she starts school but we have a few years to see where we will be by then." Olivia smiled.

"Yeah exactly, I was actually looking for a new place here and found there's an empty apartment upstairs in this block." He told her.

"Really?" Olivia asked, she hadn't planned on staying in this one.

"Yeah I mean if you stay here, this is yours you can do what you want with it Olivia if you want to change everything about it you go ahead and do that but they're three bedroomed apartments so you can have a spare room and a room for the baby." He explained. "It would be less stress to stay."

"Yeah you're right." She smiled. "Ok well if you make arrangements about the apartment we're near sorted for now." Olivia smiled.

"There's one more thing…" He whispered nervously.

"What is it?" She replied sensing his nerves.

"Uh, I was hoping you'd let me come to all your doctor's appointments, I mean, it's ok if you want Elliot around for them all even if he's in the room I mean if he's helping you bring up our kid he deserves that but I would like to be there too." He explained and she smiled relaxing him instantly.

"Sure, and I really appreciate you allowing Elliot to be there, that means a lot to me Dean." She smiled.

"I know." He nodded. "I just want you to be happy Olivia and if Elliot Stabler does that then I'm not going to stop him."

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**Next Chapter – HA how many of you expected explosions? Well Dean didn't cause explosions when he let Olivia ditch him at the wedding so he wasn't going to explode here but in the next chapter Olivia makes them talk *smirks***


	19. Chapter 19

_**I know it's been a while my apologise but I had no idea where to take this story until I had a brainwave this afternoon, I hope you enjoy it and hopefully you'll get to see the characters behaving a little more like they do in the show, but maybe not, I'm an over dramatic person! He!**_

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The next morning Olivia woke up to Dean cooking breakfast, he made her favourite and she didn't complain even though she felt extremely awkward under the circumstances.

They made small talk over breakfast, discussed work, mainly Olivia telling them at work that she was pregnant because Dean agreed that was her thing to do not his.

Elliot picked Olivia up for the Doctor's appointment. She smiled when she saw him but refrained herself from wrapping her arms around him and kissing him full in the face because she didn't want to rub it in Dean's face.

She was dressed for work in black trousers, white ruffle short sleeve shirt and black waist coat with her court shoes. Elliot smiled, he loved her 'Agent' style in comparison with her 'Detective' style, he knew she could afford to splash out more since being with the FBI as she earned a heck of a lot more.

At the doctor's surgery everything was awkward. Elliot came inside with her when she was having the internal exam, the last thing she wanted was to have Dean there for that but then she didn't want to be alone.

"Right do Mommy and Daddy want to see the heartbeat?" The doctor asked.

"Yes but uh, this isn't Daddy, he's out in the hallway Dean Porter, would you mind getting him?" Olivia asked awkwardly as she avoided the doctor's gaze.

The Doctor however didn't bat an eyelid, she was used to such a variety of parents that having two men in the room with one woman one being the father one who'd been kissing her and holding her hand obviously being her lover, she didn't know the circumstances of course but she'd seen rarer things.

Dean smiled when he came into the room and Elliot gave his chair to Dean but kept hold Olivia's hand as he stood to the side.

"Ok this will be a little cold." The doctor smiled as Olivia finished unbuttoning her shirt just below her bra.

She tensed and squeezed Elliot's hand but as soon as the Doppler was on her stomach she relaxed and waited for the Doctor to point out the small bean that would soon be a full grown baby.

"Here we are." The Doctor smiled pointing at the screen. "See that's the heart beat there, and here …" She flicked a switch and the room was filled with a low beat. "There you can hear the sound of your baby's heart beat." She smiled.

"Wow, that's incredible." Dean muttered.

Olivia had a tear slipping down her cheek and she looked at Elliot who was smiling at her then at the screen.

"I would estimate that you're more likely seven weeks along." The nurse said and Olivia nodded. "Would that work with your calendar?" She asked nervously.

"We were sleeping with each other every night for months, so it could be anything." Olivia replied guessing the Doctor thought they'd done a home insemination.

"Ok. So I'll print some pictures for Mommy, Daddy and …." She glanced nervously at Elliot.

"Step Daddy." Olivia replied without looking at Dean.

Elliot grinned, Dean frowned, Olivia didn't care either way.

"Would you like any more than three?"

Can I get a fourth for Granddad?" Olivia asked making both men look oddly at her.

"Don Cragen." She replied as the Doctor knocked a few buttons and a printer whirred into life.

After being given prescriptions for prenatal vitamins, a new appointment for her next scan and a package about planning the birth the three of them left, Olivia making sure Dean had a copy of the sonogram and a promise of a phone call later and then she and Elliot headed off to her place to pick up her car before driving to the one six separately.

Olivia smiled at everyone and said hello while Elliot took on the role of showing their co-workers the sonogram picture. She quietly thanked him as she made her way to the office to give Don his copy.

"Hey." She smiled as she walked in having given up on knocking a long time ago.

"Agent Benson what can we do for you?" He asked with a smirk.

"Funny." She replied tilting her head trying to hide the smile playing on her lips.

"What are you doing here Liv? You should be resting." He informed her.

"I know, but right now I need to work, don't worry though I am heading to FP in a minute to catch up on some paperwork while I decide how to tell my big bad bosses why I'm going to be out of the field in a few months." She replied trying to make a joke out of the situation.

"Ok, how was your Doctor's appointment?" He asked.

"Awkward." She replied with a smirk. "Try having Dean and Elliot both in the same room, the atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a bleeding knife." Olivia laughed as she took out the fourth sonogram picture from her bag.

"I'm sure, but I'm glad to see the two of you back in one piece, I hope he is too." Don smiled.

"Yes, they're being very mature about this actually, even Elliot which is surprising but he could have hidden that smug look on his face when I called him step daddy to the doctor." She laughed as she stepped towards the desk and handed him a sonogram picture.

"Liv?" He asked.

"My baby needs to know his Granddaddy." Olivia replied as Don's face grew into a wide smile.

"Thank you." He beamed.

"No, thank you Don, for staying with me at the hospital and for just being there in general, over the years you've bent over backwards for me and I haven't exactly made any of this easier on you." She replied as he stared at the black and white picture with a tear in his eye.

"I'd do it all over again even if I couldn't change anything." He smiled.

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After leaving the one six Olivia went to her office in Federal Plaza. She knew she would have to tell her superiors soon about her pregnancy, with the FBI she could only be out in the field till she was four months along and then the desk for three but she wasn't ready to tell them because they would know it was Dean's baby and everyone at FP knew about their disastrous wedding.

Once in her office she stared at the tattered picture on the wall. As she went to pull it down there was a knock on the office door annoying her, she wasn't in the mood for visitors.

"Come in!" She yelled from her position standing on the couch trying to pull down the broken canvass.

"Wow let me help you!" Huang said rushing over to her.

Once they pulled the wooden frame and tattered picture down and placed it down by the door Olivia made them both a coffee, knowing once she was sat down George would ask her a barrel of questions.

"How are you?" He asked as soon as she placed the mug in his hands.

"Wow not even waiting for me to sit down! New record there I think George!" She replied with a smirk.

"Sorry, so how are you?" He asked again.

"You know, I'm actually fine, I thought this was going to be a lot tougher than it is." She replied as she played with the spoon in her mug.

"Good, Olivia what happened to that picture?" George asked signalling the frame on the floor.

"I took a pair of scissors to it." Olivia replied hiding the fact she was somewhere between a sob and a laugh, she still couldn't believe she'd done it.

"When?" He asked, it had been on his mind since the sex scandal when she was undercover just two nights ago.

"The day after my wedding day." She replied. "Why?"

"I noticed when we were pulling it down that you'd torn the canvass across your own face but Dean's face was intact." Huang told her.

"And? What's the prognosis Doc?" She asked knowing he would have some theory.

"You were feeling self-hate." He said simply.

"Way to state the obvious." She sighed before a knock on the door stopped George from continuing.

"Come in!" She called getting to her feet as did George, lucky for them that they did as their superior walked in.

"Ah Agent Benson good morning, Agent Huang." He nodded his head towards both agents unable to hide the surprise at seeing them in the office together even though they both worked on the sex crimes squad.

"What can we do you for Sir?" Olivia asked wondering now if Dean had broken his promise and told her superior, or told his own and let the story spread.

"I actually wanted a word with you Agent, confidential information." He explained.

"I'll catch you later Benson." Huang smiled knowing that he was being subtly asked to leave.

"Sure think Huang." She replied with a caring smile.

Once the door was shut her superior walked to the chair Huang had occupied seconds before and once he was seated she sat down to, feeling apprehensive that he wanted to talk about her pregnancy.

"I was talking with some agents over in anti-terror, they mentioned a case you worked on about five years ago for us when you were still a Detective." He began.

"Yeah Oregon, Eco-Terror, they had me with the wrong group the whole time." Olivia replied shrugging as she wondered where this would be going.

"Ah well you see that's the problem." He continued which captured Olivia's attention. "You weren't with the wrong group at all."

"Ok?" Olivia was focused now.

"Some of the people involved in that group you were with have brought EDG back to life." He explained.

"Without the leader?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah we have him locked up nice and secure, no visitors, no phone calls and no letters. The thing is over the past ten weeks four different agents have tried to infiltrate and have been unsuccessful."

Olivia's stomach tensed, she knew where this was going now.

"Two people in the group reported you missing when you left, Persephone James is still a missing person out in Oregon as we made the sheriff sign an affidavit that he would never reveal who you really were."

"You want me to go back." Olivia said getting straight to the point.

"We have to get these guys Benson." He replied seeing the apprehension in her face.

"How long do I get to think about this?" She asked almost desperately.

"We want you on a plane out of here today, we've already set up your cover and we've spoken with Sheriff Bartley so he knows there's a chance you'll come back."

Olivia nodded weakly, this was a lot to take in especially with her current situation.

"What's the cover? I mean how do you explain me turning up in Oregon again?" She asked.

"You needed to get away, didn't think of letting anyone know." He explained.

"That's really going to work." She replied shrugging. "And might I remind you that technically I skipped bail?"

"Don't worry that charge vanished, there's still a record of your arrest but the charges were dropped and Eyeballed was sued for three million dollars after a claim of police brutality and all open assault cases against him were dropped because he lost the suit."

Olivia sighed and ran her hand through her hair, this was a lot to take in all at once.

"And if I say no?" She asked needing all the details.

"Then it won't be held against you, you don't work for anti-terror Benson, you have every right to refuse this op." He explained.

"Who will be my contact?" Olivia asked.

"Well we were going to ask if you'd be willing to work with Porter as he's familiar with the case."

"No way, he isn't even to know where I am." Olivia replied. "That's one of my conditions if I chose to do this, Dean Porter can't know where I've gone because he will come after me."

"I'll make sure he doesn't know, the chances are if he isn't your contact then he won't be able to be involved in the case in anyway, he's in drugs now."

"Ok." Olivia took a deep breath as her mind worked fast.

"When do I leave?" She asked meeting her superior's eye for the first time.

"You'll do it?"

"I'll do it." She replied nervously, she had no idea what she was doing.

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**Next Chapter – Yeah so I hope you like my brainwave again :D**


	20. Chapter 20

_**Love it or hate it, you didn't think Olivia would be able to handle this mess right? Of course not, she runs and I typically thought it would be a good idea for her to run to the same place she did last time, she has friends there even if she does have to be undercover there's some familiarity. **_

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That evening Elliot was sat at the one six waiting to hear from Olivia, she hadn't seen or heard from her since she'd left for Federal Plaza earlier that day. Getting worried he looked over at his co-workers who seemed to be lost in their own work.

"Anyone seen Liv while I was out?" He asked them as he'd been on a case with Nick all afternoon.

"No man, why don't you call her?" Fin asked, he was tired and couldn't be bothered listening to Stabler whine, he hadn't forgiven him for his ditching the squad without a word.

Elliot sighed, he didn't want her to think he was pushy but he did feel the need to make sure everything was alright so he picked up the phone and dialled her cell phone.

"Guys…" He said as he got a sickening feeling in his stomach.

He knocked the loud speaker on and got a bad feeling of déjà vu.

"This number you have reached has been disconnected, please check your number and try again."

Elliot looked at Munch and Fin as a realization dawned on both of their faces.

"That's what happened when she went to Oregon." Munch said.

"What's going on?" Nick asked as he wandered over.

"Olivia's cell has been disconnected." Fin said making the younger detective frown.

Cragen stepped out of the office while Elliot's phone still on speaker repeated the message.

"Stabler knock that off." Cragen said the sound getting on his nerves.

Elliot did as he was told with one hand while his other hand rubbed his jaw, he always did that when he was worried and it didn't go unnoticed by his commanding officer.

"Spit it out Stabler." He snapped, he was still in a bad mood with the Detective for what had happened with Olivia.

"That happened when he called Benson's cell." Fin explained and Cragen looked from Fin to Elliot.

"Has anyone tried calling her office?" Don asked trying to keep his cool.

"I don't have the number." Elliot realised as he picked up the phone.

Don on the other hand knew the number and extension off by heart. The response he got on the other side made him worry, Elliot knocked on the loud speaker again so that everyone could hear.

A simple disconnected tone rang from the small machine.

"Ok what is going on?" Elliot snapped as Cragen hung up the phone.

Cragen dialled another number, direct to the front desk of Federal Plaza.

"Hi may I be put through to Special Agent Olivia Benson Manhattan's Sex Crimes office please?" He asked calmly as Elliot put the loud speaker on.

"Just one moment please." The voice replied.

Cragen waited patiently, all anyone could hear were the rustling of papers on the other end.

"I'm sorry Special Agent Benson has been reassigned." The voice came back.

"Reassigned?" Cragen snapped. "Where too?"

"I'm afraid that information is confidential."

"Ok seriously that woman is like my daughter where is she!" Cragen yelled.

"I don't know I'm afraid, have a good evening Sir."

The line went dead and Cragen began to worry even more. He once again picked up the phone and dialled a number followed by an extension while Elliot knocked on the speaker, he wasn't about to let anything be hidden from him.

"Agent Huang."

"Hey George its Don here, uh have you seen Olivia by any chance?" Don tried to hide the nervousness from his voice.

"I spoke with her earlier but then our superior came in and said he had to speak with her about something confidential." Huang replied. "Why is something wrong?"

"Why would her office phone be disconnected?" Cragen asked avoiding Huang's question.

"Could be that her office has moved, or that she's been reassigned or is working undercover." Huang replied. "Has Olivia's phone been disconnected?"

"Yeah her office and cell." Don sighed.

"Then she's not been reassigned because her cell would still be hers, Don, I think she's gone undercover." Huang replied.

"I think so to, listen George how can we find out where she is?" Cragen asked.

"You can't, if she's already gone in it means she had already infiltrated she's in deep for her to be gone Don you and I both know that."

Elliot began pacing, he couldn't believe this, it was Gitano all over again.

"You got a message to her last time, can you again?" Don asked.

"I don't even know what case or what unit Don, it will be much harder this time." Huang explained.

"Ok no problem, Thanks George."

"Bye."

Don hung up the phone and looked at his Detectives they all looked as worried as he felt and he quickly picked up the phone and dialled the only other Agent's number he had.

"Agent Porter."

"Dean it's Don Cragen SVU."

"Hey Don how is everything? Olivia ok?" His voice instantly filled with worry.

"We don't know." Don replied nervously.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Dean replied angrily.

"We called her cell and it's disconnected as is her office phone and then we called front desk of FP and they said she'd been reassigned so I called George Huang and he said if she was reassigned then her cell should still work so she's probably undercover." Don explained quickly.

"Son of a bitch." Dean gasped. "Do you have any idea which unit she was working with?"

"Nothing." Don replied. "We need to find her, they would never have let her go under if they knew she was pregnant which means she didn't disclose."

"I'll call you back." He said before hanging up.

"We'll find her." Don told Elliot has he swung his fist into the lockers putting yet another dent in them.

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As soon as Dean hung up the phone he rushed out the office hoping he wasn't too late, he couldn't believe that she'd behaved in such a selfish way, she was carrying his child as well as her own and she had no right to do this to them.

He ran down the corridor to where Olivia's office was and tried to open the door just to find it locked.

As his brain went a million miles per hour he was left with little options and choosing one he dived for the stairs and ran the three floors to where Olivia's superior's office was, he was definitely glad to see that the light was on.

He didn't hesitate in throwing the door open and surprising Captain Thomas.

"Porter what do you think you're doing?"

"Where's Benson?" Porter snapped.

"Undercover, confidential, can't say no more." Thomas replied seeing the anger in Porter's eyes scared him a little.

"Son of a bitch she's pregnant! She shouldn't be undercover now where is the Mother of my child?" Dean yelled.

"She's pregnant?" He spluttered, he knew now he was in trouble as he looked at the enraged agent.

"Yes!" Dean snapped. "I know she didn't tell you but … fuck!" This was a mess. "Where is she?"

"I can't tell you!" Thomas replied. "Give me time, I'll try and get her pulled out, we might not be too late."

"You're not doing this without me making sure you do it right." Dean snapped following him out of the office.

"The only condition she gave when she went under was that you weren't to know where she was Porter, something tells me even if she is carrying your kid that she's done this to get away from you." Thomas finally snapped angrily. "You're not allowed to know now if you want me to try and get her out before it's too late move out of my way!"

Dean could only curse as he watched the man walk off leaving him to go off to the one six to fill everyone in on the little he'd found out.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia in Oregon, her new contact, **


	21. Chapter 21

_**Love it or hate it, you didn't think Olivia would be able to handle this mess right? Of course not, she runs and I typically thought it would be a good idea for her to run to the same place she did last time, she has friends there even if she does have to be undercover there's some familiarity.**_

_**A/N: I know I'm uploading quick but I haven't touched this story since 4th april till today and when I was in a shower and this brainwave hit me of what could happen next I just had to get writing and I hate having written many chapters ahead of where my readers have read so I upload near enough as I'm done. **_

_**I know Olivia's selfish, but ahh well! **_

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When Olivia touched down in Oregon she was quickly swept into a hotel where she was immediately introduced to her contact.

"Agent Benson good to meet you, I'm Agent Gordon Thompson but as I am your contact you can call me George." He smiled as he shook her hand.

"Olivia." She replied, even though she was being thrown back into the world she'd been glad to get out of she felt more relaxed here than she did when she was back in New York.

"Great to finally meet you Olivia." He smiled. "Ok should we get down to business?"

Olivia smiled and sat down on the couch accepting the coffee that was made for her, it had been a long flight.

"Right Ms Persephone James, your car is waiting for you at the police station, your apartment luckily was empty hasn't been rented since you were there and someone's already been there checking it was liveable, stocked the place up with food and clothes and everything you will need. Here are your ID's, driving license, papers and so on you know the drill, now when you leave here Sheriff Bartley who knows you from before and knows you're undercover is going to pick you up and drive you to the station where Hope and T-Bone will meet you, they're the two that reported you missing. When they ask you just say you went to an old friends place in Florida, cut off any and all contact, needed to get your head together, whatever you say stick to it. By now they will know you're on your way home to them and will be looking forward to seeing you. I will see you at sixteen hundred tomorrow and you can fill me in on anything and everything you found out. Now, are you ready?"

"Yes." She replied firmly, trying to hide any signs of nerves.

"Good. Then Sheriff Bartley is on his way so as soon as he's here you can leave." He smiled. "And don't worry Olivia, I won't let anything happen to you."

"I hope not." She replied with a smirk, this hopefully would be a quick case, because she already missed Elliot.

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Sheriff Bartley was much kinder to her finding out she had been promoted to FBI. He apologised first for the behaviour of Deputy Eyeballed and then proceeded to explain to her how he had to fill out a missing person's form for her even though he knew that Persephone James didn't exist and that she had gone back to New York.

"So Hope and T-Bone are waiting excitedly for you Persephone." He smiled, remembering to use her alias for the first time.

"I can't wait to see them again myself." Olivia replied.

That was a statement of fact, especially when it came to Hope, they'd been so close over everything then all of a sudden she'd been had and was taken out, the only thing she was glad about was being given a second chance and this time she wasn't going to leave without telling her friend the truth and also dropping them an invite to New York.

"We're here." He smiled turning into the parking lot where Hope and T-Bone were waiting.

They saw the car and smiled. Hope even started waving and jumping up and down. Olivia grinned and waved excitedly back pleased that her friend had missed her and wasn't holding a grudge against her because the Sheriff had already planted the cover story of Florida and break into their heads.

"Persephone!" Hope squealed rushing over and throwing her arms around her friend.

"Oh my God Hope I missed you." Olivia smiled as she returned the tight embrace.

T-Bone was next and he pulled her into a tight embrace too.

"Good to have you back James." He smiled.

"Good to be back T." She replied.

"Now that you're all reunited why don't you go and save some trees?" The Sheriff asked.

"Sheriff thank you for finding her and bringing her back to us, we know that we don't see eye to eye on nature issues but really thank you." Hope said shaking his hand.

"You're welcome." He replied taking the credit for something he hadn't been at all involved in. "Oh and Persephone here are your car keys."

"Thank you." She smiled appreciatively seeing the keys to her apartment were still on there too.

Once they walked away from the station the Sheriff went inside to let her contact know that she was in and all he could do then was stand back and watch and hope there would be no more explosions in Oregon.

"So we have so much to tell you about the group!" Hope smiled as she linked arms with Olivia to walk to the car.

"Hope!" T-Bone snapped.

"What?" Hope asked in surprise.

"You can't trust her anymore…"

"Hey!" Olivia snapped. "Why not?"

"Because a lot has changed in five years James, a lot has changed." He replied dryly.

"Listen guys I know I went off without a word, I wanted to come back as soon as I could but I couldn't, I couldn't face coming back here and I can't explain to you why but what I can say is I missed you every day and thought about you every day for the past five years, nothing has changed for me, I still believe, I still want to fight and believe me when I say you won't believe what I got up to in Florida." She replied before climbing into the driver's seat.

T-Bone looked at Hope who shrugged and climbed into the back while he took the front passenger.

"Sorry James, I didn't mean too snap at you, it's just our group has changed a lot since you've been gone and I don't think you're going to like what we're doing." He explained. "It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't want you to get freaked out and forget the cause."

"T-Bone, I never left the cause, even in Florida and I know what you're involved in, not directly but I know along the lines of, why do you think I came back?" She smirked.

"I should have known, I guess we have a lot to fill you in on then." T-Bone replied.

"You sure do." Olivia smiled, she'd found her in with her friends again, the only thing she needed to do now was get into the rest of the group and she would be fully infiltrated.

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The next afternoon Olivia met with her contact at the same café she had met with Dean Porter five years previously. George however dressed more casual, tried to blend in with the locals more.

"Hey Persephone." He smiled as Olivia took a seat and accepted the coffee he passed her, last time she'd stopped coffee and many other things all together but she wasn't so sure she could this time.

"So…" She replied seeing him quiet.

"Benson I need to know if it's true you're pregnant." He said quietly making sure no one could hear them.

"Dean." She hissed angrily.

"He told your superior who told mine, however it's now too late to pull you out unless you ask for it."

"No way." She snapped. "I'm in, with some of the tough guys and I am not being pulled out now."

"As you wish, all I've been told to tell you if you don't want to leave is, get to a doctor, tell someone in the group you trust so they can help look out for you, Porter will be getting done for Murder if anything happens to you or your kid." He explained.

"Sorry I didn't tell you sooner George." Olivia sighed running her hand through her hair.

"I'm guessing you have a real good reason to run Olivia, I just want you to be careful, it's bad enough having someone inexperienced under but having someone inexperienced and pregnant under is worse. Now here's your ID and Gun, find some way to keep them on your person at all time, Bartley knows you've got them and if you get arrested again he'll know what to do so don't panic about that either."

"Thank you." She said feeling very relieved to have her gun and ID back at least now if things went south she'd be able to defend herself or help the cops out.

"Just don't blow your cover unless absolutely necessary." He warned.

"I won't." Olivia replied. "Now do you want to know what I know?"

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**Next Chapter – Olivia in Oregon, her new contact, **


	22. Chapter 22

_**Yeah so enjoy. **_

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That evening in Oregon Olivia, Hope and T-Bone met the rest of their group around the camp fire. They all knew about Persephone James the missing girl and they all welcomed her, some faces she knew and some that she didn't.

They all sat in a big circle while one of the guys took out his guitar and they had a sing song.

"Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya!" Everyone started to sing.

Hope slipped and arm around Olivia and shifted closer to her long lost friend. Olivia relaxed and joined in the singing, she'd forgotten about these peaceful nights under the stars that couldn't be seen in the city.

"Someone's singing Lord, Kumbaya!" They continued, the person beside Olivia slipping her hand into Olivia's and giving her a smile which Olivia returned as everyone swayed softly to the music.

After the song they all sat comfortably and the meeting began.

"So the first order of business is Sheriff Bartley's hunting cabin." Craig the leader and known member of EDG said.

"When's that going down?" T-Bone asked.

"Friday, eight pm." He replied.

"So what's the plan Craig?" Natasha, a girl Olivia knew from before called.

"It's simple, we're going to use four blocks of Dynamite." Craig replied.

"So who's doing what?" T-Bone asked knowing they only had a few days to plan this down to the last detail.

"Me, T-Bone, Joseph and Luke are going to be planting. Persephone, Hope, Natasha and Lily you're going to be the distraction, Michael and Michaela you two are going to be on look out with Henry and Hannah and that leaves Colin, Tamara, Ola and Elena on decoy." He explained a little further.

"So what are the distraction and the decoys doing?" T-Bone asked showing he was the most nervous, he was what Olivia called OCD he liked everything planned and hated going into situations that weren't planned.

Craig pulled out a large map and he and Joseph placed it in the centre of the circle and directed everyone to move as close as they could.

"Ok so here's the cabin." Craig pointed to the map.

"Dynamite is going to be planted and it has to be done quick and calmly otherwise we'll all be blown to oblivion." Joseph said.

"We'll place one block at each corner. Me far left, Joseph far right, T-bone front left and Luke front right." He said and all the men nodded knowing they would have to remember their position.

"Then we have the distraction."

"Are we going to be arrested again?" Hope groaned, she'd been in lock up more times than she'd ever planned on being.

"Not if you do it right this time." Luke snapped.

"Hey we did do it right, not our fault your decoy sucked!" Lily snapped.

"Ladies!" Joseph called. "If you get arrested again we'll get them to drop the charges again, don't worry you won't be doing anything illegal."

"So what will we be doing?" Olivia asked getting bored and cold and hungry, rabbit food wasn't her idea of a good meal anymore.

"You're going to be protesting over at Sunny Days home for the elderly by tying yourself to the fence." Craig smiled.

"Chaining?" Natasha groaned. "We got arrested last time we did that."

"Yeah well this time the cops will go for the Decoy's while you unchain yourself giving you time to run." Joseph replied.

"Ok so what will the Decoy be?" Hope asked.

"The Decoy will be the taking over of the cutting equipment, fire up the diggers and drive them away which will get the cops far enough away from the trees when we blow the cabin, far enough from the distraction so they don't get arrested and you'll be able to get away too." Craig explained with a grin.

"And the look outs where will they be stationed exactly?" Michael asked looking as bored as Olivia felt.

"We want a team on look out with the decoys and a team with the distraction to help them out of the chains as soon as they get a chance and then I also want a team on the edge of the woods to make sure the cops haven't come our way, we'll have whistles on the night, any sign of trouble and you blow the whistle and the op is cancelled." Joseph added.

"That's it?" Hope asked.

"That is it guys, it goes down in two days time and we are ready." Craig smiled rolling up the map.

"We're ready." They all said happily.

"Now let's pray." Craig said and everyone linked hands with the person closest to them.

Olivia didn't listen to the prayer, she processed everything she had learned so she could feed it back to her contact who she'd be meeting with tomorrow after her doctor's appointment, the story was to say she didn't know she was pregnant and it was a one night stand in Florida, father not on scene.

"Right head off into the night and don't forget to protect the earth as you would your own child." Craig said as everyone stood up.

"Hey Hope got time to talk?" Olivia asked.

"Sure!" Hope smiled linking arms with her friend as they walked towards the woods exit into the village.

"So uh, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I was wondering if you'd mind coming with me." She said nervously, truth was she was nervous and even though taking Hope with her was a plan to ensure her safety she was glad to have a friend who would be there for her.

"Is there something wrong Persephone?" Hope asked coming to a standstill.

"No, not really." Olivia mumbled kicking a stone as she walked forward.

"Then tell me why you need to see a doctor." Hope said softly.

"I think … I mean I don't know for sure but I think I might be pregnant." She told her friend who squealed loudly.

"Oh my God!" She gasped as soon as Olivia released her hand from Hope's mouth.

"I don't want everyone knowing yet." She warned her friend just as T-Bone ran over.

"What's wrong I heard Hope scream!" He said in a panic.

"Nothing T-Bone I was just pleased to have Olivia back." Hope said quickly covering up.

"Jeez Hope, could you not make me scared next time." He snapped.

"Nice to know I have a knight in shining armour to come rescue me!" She teased as they continued to walk towards Olivia's apartment which was a block before T-Bone and Hope's.

"Yeah well cry wolf one to many times and there won't be a knight." He replied.

"So Persephone what time tomorrow?" Hope asked.

"I'll meet you on the square at ten thirty." She smiled before hugging her friend, it was really great to see them again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." They both replied as Olivia headed off towards her tiny apartment where she hoped there was something decent she could cook or something preferably full of chocolate.

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Back in New York Dean had finally found out that Olivia was in too deep to be taken out. He was at the one six with Don Cragen and Elliot trying to find a plan to find Olivia.

"Do you have any idea where she might be?" Don asked.

"No all I know is she isn't with my unit and she isn't with sex crimes either." Dean replied.

"Wait, Huang managed to get a message to her before by giving it to her case agent right? Who's Olivia's case agent?" Elliot asked.

"Yes but I don't know who Olivia's case agent is!" Dean snapped.

"Ok son I know you're worried but we are too there is no need to be snappy!" Don replied he was getting sick of Dean's attitude towards him and Elliot.

"Sorry… she's … I still love her Don and even though I know it's over between me and her she's carrying my kid and I don't know what kind of situation they have her in, her life is at risk and that I know for sure because there would be no need for an undercover op if she wasn't." Dean explained his eyes filling with tears.

"Ok who would know who Olivia's case agent is?" Don asked calmly.

"Her superior Captain Thomas." Dean replied dryly, he still hadn't forgiven the man for letting Olivia go under.

"Right I'll call him and see if we can get her a message." Don replied picking up his phone.

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After Olivia's doctor appointment and a 'confirmation' of her pregnancy she managed to split from Hope who said she and T-Bone were doing arts and crafts with nature for the kids at the market.

Olivia made her way to meet her contact who once again was sat in the café with a coffee waiting for her, as well as a sugar coated donut.

"Trying to make me fat?" She teased as he pushed the plate towards her.

"No my wife ate nothing but donuts when she was pregnant with our son." He replied with a smile.

"Thanks." She replied deciding not to tell him that she wasn't craving donuts but was craving cucumber dipped in honey.

She told him about the plan for Friday night, he was releaved to find she was just a distraction or they would have to pull her out because it was too dangerous.

"So the cabin will blow?" Olivia asked in shock.

"Yeah, this is just the beginning Olivia, they have something bigger and better planned and that's what I need you to find out, as soon as they see everyone there is a joiner then they'll reveal what they want to do in Washington, once you know, you let me know and I get you out do I make myself clear?" He warned.

"Yes sir." She replied.

"And anything that puts your life at risk and you're out again am I clear?"

"Yes George, I promise." She replied wanting to calm the man's fears.

"Now I got a message from the bureau for you from a Don Cragen." He handed the paper over to Olivia.

"Dean and Elliot worried sick, please come home Olivia, missing you."

"Sounds like you're wanted." George told her.

"Not the point." She replied scrunching the paper up in her hand.

"Want to give them a message back?" He asked taking out a notebook.

"Yeah tell them I'm fine and I'll be back once case is closed or I'm too pregnant to work." She replied with a smile as George chuckled.

"You got it, now behave and leave everything with Sheriff Bartley up to me, luckily his insurance for the cabin is more than the cabins worth since we knew they'd go for it and took a big premium out for him." George smiled as Olivia got to her feet.

"Good to know." She smiled before walking off.

As she wandered down the street in the hot Oregon summer sun, she couldn't stop thinking of Elliot and Dean, she wondered how much they were blaming each other and fighting and then she realised she could have made things a lot worse by being selfish and leaving.

Knowing that the FBI tracked all calls and text to and from her phone she knew she had only one option when she approached the pay phone.

_Cragen._

"Hi Cap."

_Olivia?_

"Yeah it's me." She sighed.

_It's good to hear your voice, how are you?_

"I'm ok. Listen my contact will have kittens if he knew I was calling you so I just wanted to let you know I'm safe, I'm not in any danger and that's a promise, me and Benson Junior are doing just fine and I saw a doctor this morning to confirm it."

_Come home Olivia._

She swallowed hard, he was pleading with her.

"How much are Dean and Elliot fighting?" She asked.

_I think it's going to be murder soon._

"I'm sorry Don, I couldn't handle it anymore." She whispered the tears so close to the edge.

_Why run into an undercover op Olivia? I would have paid for you to have a holiday if I knew you needed an escape and I wouldn't have told either of them where you were._

"I know, I wasn't thinking, I was in the office and Thomas came in offered me this and the truth was Cap if I didn't take this gig no one else would be able too, getting me in was easy."

_Olivia where are you?_

Shit, she knew she'd said too much.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm safe, I got to go. Bye." She hung up and dropped her head against the cool metal of the phone booth as she tried to stop her tears from falling.

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"Porter!" Don called walking into the squad room where Dean and Elliot were looking at a computer.

"What?" He asked angrily.

"Where in Oregon was Olivia undercover?" He asked.

"Why?" Dean asked in shock.

"I think she's gone back there. She just called to let me know she was ok and she said something that made me think of her in Oregon." Don explained.

"Get a trace on the last call to your office phone, we'll know for sure then." Dean replied. "And if she's there I'm going after her."

"Not without me." Both Don and Elliot said at the same time.

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**Next Chapter – Don, Elliot and Dean in Oregon, Olivia's EDG mission. **


	23. Chapter 23

_**Yeah so enjoy.**_

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Friday afternoon Olivia, Hope, Natasha and Lily met up at the market.

"So Persephone your first stake since you've been back are you excited?" Hope asked with a giggle, she had such a light air about her that Olivia found amusing and calming at the same time.

"Yeah, it's gonna be great." Olivia tried to fake enthusiasm the best she could.

"Absolutely, just remember you need to be careful yeah?" Hope whispered and Olivia smiled and nodded, she knew that for sure.

"Ok so I have four chains the choice is to go separate chains or I have one very long one and we ca somehow chain all of us together." Lilly said signalling to the very heavy backpack she was carrying.

"We should do our wrists." Hope said thinking of Olivia and the baby. "If we chain ourselves by wrapping the longest chain around our wrists and then securing it by wrapping it around the fence and meeting in the middle and then padlock I there."

"Won't work." Olivia said already working it out in her head. "We should just go for one each that way we're in charge of our own chain."

"Yeah I'm with Persephone here." Natasha replied and so the other two nodded their agreement, they only had one hour to go till they had to make their way over to the nursing home and chain themselves up.

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Across town at Olivia's apartment Don, Elliot and Dean were knocking on the door where they had been for half an hour.

"Ok seriously we know she isn't here so we should go and find her." Dean said tiredly.

"Well where would she be? You're the one who was here with her last time." Elliot snapped, he just wanted to find Olivia.

"Uh well we used to meet up at this Dinner, she loved it there because she could eat something bar rabbit food and drink proper coffee." Dean replied shrugging he'd barely hung around when Olivia was around because he knew he could have blown her cover.

"Ok well take us there then." Don said and the three men quickly left.

"Can you think of a plan B?" Elliot asked knowing that there had to be a way of finding her, the place wasn't that big.

"Well we could always go and ask the sheriff, if she's back he's going to be in on it because I blew her cover to him." Dean explained and the other two men nodded.

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"Now." Hope said as soon as she got the text message to say that the plan was underway.

Olivia, Lily, Natasha and Hope had already put up their signs and they quickly got themselves chained up knowing that they were about to do something big.

"Human rights for the elderly too!" They began chanting the well-chosen and rehearsed chant.

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At the police station Elliot, Dean and Don were talking with Sheriff Bartley about Olivia.

"You don't understand she's pregnant with my child!" Dean snapped at the older man. "And she isn't Detective Benson anymore she's Special Agent Benson and I want to know where she is!"

"Believe me Agent Porter I want to tell you but I don't even know, all I do know is that there is a big break going down tonight that another agent told me about, they're actually going to be blowing up my cabin which the FBI have insured. Agent Benson on the other hand is protesting and then there is a group of them who are about to make sure that the cops are nowhere near the cabin by nicking some machinery, I am in on this with the agents and I have to keep the plan going." Bartley explained.

"Just tell us where the protest is." Dean replied calmly.

"I can't." He snapped back.

"Tell me, I can go in undercover as her missing boyfriend." Elliot replied.

"Ok well her cover story is that she's been in Florida that's where she jumped bail to and when the charges were dropped she wasn't ready to come back." Bartley explained. "The protest is at Sunny Days nursing home…" He'd barely got the sentence out before all three men were rushing out.

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"They better not be long!" Olivia called over to hope who was happily chanting, she wanted the Decoy's to come in now so she could unchain herself from the fence.

"Persephone!"

Her stomach dropped about four floors when she heard the voice that she'd recognise anywhere.

"Who's that?" Hope asked.

"Persephone!" Elliot rushed over to her and grabbed her face gently. "Why did you leave?"

"I had to El, I'm sorry." She replied as tears stung her fence, she couldn't move because she was tied up.

"No you didn't we could have worked something out baby…"

"Ok Persephone who's the hotty I mean he's calling you baby." Hope chuckled.

"Hope meet Elliot."

"THE ELLIOT! He's the one you were dreaming about right? All those years ago? Elliot … El? Elliot… oh Elliot…"

"Ok that's enough Hope, yes it is, Elliot what are you doing here?" Olivia snapped knowing he could ruin the plan.

"Come to get you and take you home!" He replied.

"I am home." She lied. "I need to be here El don't you get that?"

"No I don't you need to be home for the baby!" Elliot snapped at her.

When Olivia herd the roar of diggers and the cops begin to disintergrate.

"Elliot you need to go. Now." She warned.

"Now!" Hope called and Olivia instantly went to the chains and began pulling at them.

"El go!" Olivia called. "Please don't ruin this for us?"

"Fine I'll be at your apartment." Elliot replied walking off.

"Thank you. I'll be ok." She pressed her lips to his before running off with Hope, Natasha and Lily in the direction of the roaring machines but not all the cops had gone and they were quickly chased and captured.

Olivia received a nice baton to the back which made her cry out.

"Not my baby!" She screamed as someone rolled her onto her back. "Don't you dare!" She screamed seeing an overzealous young cop lift his batton again and to save her kid she kicked out and copped him in the stomach.

"Assaulting an office is a crime miss." Another cop said lifting her off the floor.

"I know." She replied as she was handcuffed. "Now call Sheriff Bartley and tell him you've just arrested Special Agent Olivia Benson and we'll see what he has to say right?"

"Oh… sorry Ma'am." He said releasing the pressure on her arm. "I'm going to have to take you in not to blow your cover."

"I know but you dare raise a finger to me again and I'll have you working as a traffic cop until retirement ok?" She hissed and he nodded and she was relieved that the rest of the girls had gotten away.

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**Next Chapter – Don, Elliot and Dean in Oregon, Olivia's EDG mission.**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Yeah so enjoy.**_

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"Special Agent Benson you do know how to get yourself in trouble." Sheriff Bartley said as he took off her handcuffs.

"The son of a bitch assaulted me." Olivia snapped. "He hit me in the back with a baton and even though I was down he went to hit me again in the stomach and I'm pregnant now you get a squad car out front and get me to a hospital and I swear to God if anything happens to my baby I will sue your officer as well as press charges for assault, reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child and any other charges that come to mind do I make myself clear?"

"Uh Yes … of course I'll get the squad car now." He said hurriedly, he wasn't going to piss off the Agent any further.

As soon as he opened the door Elliot, Dean and Don hurried in.

"Are you ok?" Elliot asked pulling her into his arms.

"Yeah the Sheriff's getting a squad car to take me to the ER I just want to make sure Benson Junior is ok." Olivia said relaxing into his embrace.

"What were you thinking Olivia?" Dean yelled.

"I wasn't." She shrugged.

"Clearly!" He continued. "Not only did you put your life at risk but that of our unborn child Olivia are you really that selfish?"

Olivia burrowed her head into Elliot's chest and he tightened his grip on her.

"Now isn't the time Dean." Don warned.

"Now isn't the… she could have been killed or our child could have been killed!" Dean continued to rant unaware that Olivia was sobbing into Elliot's chest.

"I have the squad car ready." Bartley said coming into the interrogation room.

"Come on Liv." Elliot whispered before kissing her head.

"I'll bring Dean down." Don said.

"Don't." Olivia said weakly. "I don't want him anywhere near me or so help me God I will commit murder."

Dean stared at her in shock but back down when he saw the looks he was getting from Don and Elliot and backed down/

Sheriff Bartley led Olivia and Elliot to the car and he drove them himself to the nearest hospital. She was quickly processed due to Sheriff Bartley reminding them that she was an FBI agent trying to catch terrorists and she was quickly given an ultrasound.

"There's your baby's heart beat strong and healthy there was nothing to worry about." The nurse said with a smile.

"Thank you." Olivia said giving Elliot's hand a squeeze. "Just better safe right?"

"Absolutely any cramping or spotting come straight back in ok?" The Nurse said as she handed Olivia some blue roll to wipe the gel off her stomach just as George her contact came in.

"Olivia glad to see you're alright." He said with a smile.

"Yeah well that officer won't be when I get my hands on him." She snapped.

"Your cover's been blown so we're going to be flying you back to New York first thing tomorrow." He said.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"Are you not going to ask me how your cover was blown?" George asked in surprise.

"I blew it didn't I? when I told that cop who I was when he went to hit me the stomach with that damn baton." Olivia explained.

"Oh no I was already writing up an affidavit to get him to shut his mouth, Dean told Hope and T-Bone…"

". What?" Olivia snapped. "That son of a …" Elliot slipped his hand over her mouth.

"Liv he did it so you would be pulled out." He told her before releasing her mouth.

"I know why he did it but he had no right I'm a big girl Elliot I can look after myself." Olivia snapped angrily, she was furious that Dean had gone and blown her cover. "What did Hope and T-Bone say?"

"They feel betrayed but they also said that no one would fight so hard for their cause if they didn't have some belief in it and they wish you all the best of luck in the future." George replied with a smile.

"What happens to them now?" Olivia asked.

"T-Bone is being prosecuted for blowing up the cabin, Hope for obstruction." George replied and Olivia nodded.

"What about the known EDG members?" Olivia asked.

"We got them, well the locals did and they're being handed over to us, you did your job Olivia, you gave us the information and we got them." George told her with a reassuring smile as the nurse came back with the discharge papers.

"Ok Well I should go pack." Olivia said signing the forms.

"Your plane leaves at eleven hundred hours. I'll see you then." He said before walking out.

"Ready to go?" Elliot asked taking Olivia's hand.

"I wanna go see Hope and T-Bone." Olivia said. "Explain to them myself."

"Ok." Elliot said kissing her forehead softly. "I'm sure the sheriff will let you see them before they're handed over to the FBI."

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At the station Olivia was shown into an interrogation room while Elliot, Don and Dean waited with Sheriff Bartley behind the mirror.

Hope was shown in and as soon as the handcuffs were off she rushed to Olivia and hugged her.

"You're ok! They said you'd gone to the hospital and I was so worried." Hope said holding onto Olivia tight.

"I'm fine just an overzealous officer thought it would be ok to hit me across the back with a baton that's all, are you ok? They looking after you?" Olivia asked cupping Hope's face in her hands and scanning it for herself.

"Yeah I'm fine." She replied with a smile.

"Good." Olivia said dropping her hands.

"So uh is it true what that Dean guy said?" Hope asked as both of them went to sit down at the table.

"Depends what he said." Olivia replied.

"That you're an undercover agent, that your real name isn't Persephone and you were a cop in New York up until four months ago?"

"It's true, I'm really sorry Hope." Olivia said shamefully, she knew she'd built this woman's trust up just to shatter it.

"Do I get to know your real name?" Hope asked.

"It's Olivia Benson." Olivia replied. "Special Agent Olivia Benson."

"Wow." Hope said with a smile. "Suits you more than Persephone." She added and it was Olivia's turn to smile.

"I am really sorry Hope, I mean you really are a great friend and I was just going after members of EDG when I left last time I told my case worker that you guys were true believers not terrorists." Olivia said.

"I know Dean said." She smiled. "I'm not being prosecuted by the Feds, T-Bone is though because he was involved in blowing up the cabin."

"That's good you're looking at one to three years Hope. If you were prosecuted by the Feds they could prosecute you and lock you up for ten."

"I know, Dean told me that too." Hope said. "Before you go home back to NYC will you do something for me?"

"Sure." Olivia replied.

"Go to my apartment, you know where the spare key is and then on the coffee table there's a paper bag. It's for you. Will you stay in touch with me? Write to me when I'm in prison because you're a real friend Olivia and I know you were just doing your job but I know you became a friend in the process." Hope explained.

Olivia reached over and took Hope's hand.

"I'll make sure to get the address and stuff ok?" Olivia smiled.

"Thank you." Hope replied with teary eyes. "Maybe someday we'll see each other again?"

"Someday." Olivia smiled and nodded before an officer came in and escorted Hope out.

"T-Bone's already been moved I'm afraid." George said coming into the interrogation room.

"Ok." Olivia sighed at least Hope was ok with her, it was one person less to think hating her.

Once outside Elliot wrapped her up in a hug knowing she was holding back her tears. She felt guilty that Hope was being prosecuted because she didn't deserve it, the members of EDG just got into her head.

"Ok?" Elliot asked before kissing her head lightly.

"Yeah I need to stop by Hope's place." Olivia said.

"I've got us all into a hotel for tonight." Dean said to Olivia.

"I want to go back to my apartment, one last time." Olivia replied and Dean nodded his understanding. "Stay with me?" Olivia asked looking up at Elliot.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be." Elliot said before kissing her head while Olivia sunk back into his embrace.

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Once outside Hope's apartment Olivia stood by the door way for a moment looking around. Nothing much had changed in five years and she made her way over to the shelves of pictures. She quickly found the one she was looking for. One of herself and Hope at a rally five years before that T-Bone had taken with them both cheek to cheek grinning widely.

She slipped the picture out of the frame and promised herself she'd make a copy and send it with the first letter she would send to Hope but she had to take it because she wanted her own picture of the two of them and she didn't have any.

Once the picture was safe in her purse she went over to the table where the paper bag was. She sat down on the couch and pulled out its contents and was hit with a wave of guilt. Inside was a card, a white teddy bear and two onesies for Benson Junior, one yellow and one white. She opened the card and saw a large teddy holding a banner that said 'congratulations' on the front.

"To Persephone, congratulations on being pregnant, you're going to make a fantastic Mom and I look forward to being an Aunt. All my love to both of you Aunt Hope." She read out loud for Elliot to hear who was still stood by the door.

She sniffed, Hope would really make a fantastic aunt for her child and knowing she'd be in prison for the first three years of her child's life made her feel so guilty.

"You're ok Liv." Elliot said coming to sit beside her.

"Yeah, Junior is going to know all about Aunt Hope and as soon as she's out of prison I'm going to bring him or her to meet her, she was the only real friend I had out here, six months I was here last time El and it was so lonely without you." She said sinking into him.

"I'm sorry. I know I made you feel like you had no other options Liv, after the whole Gitano thing and Computer Crimes, I never wanted you to leave me Liv, never." He told her before kissing her head heavily. "Don't ever leave me again." He whispered through his own tears.

"I promise." Olivia said giving his waist a squeeze. "Never again."

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After arriving back at Olivia's apartment Olivia made herself and Elliot some coffee and a frozen Pizza for dinner.

They ate in silence cuddled up together on the couch and Elliot smiled when he saw a picture of himself and Olivia on one of the shelves, she hadn't been able to completely let go of her past even when she came here the first time.

"I need to pack." She said as she dropped the pizza crust onto the plate.

"We'll do it in the morning Liv, you need to sleep." Elliot told her.

"I know." Olivia sighed. "But I don't want to move from here."

"Neither do I." Elliot answered honestly. "But let's get in bed and I can hold you there."

Olivia smiled and quickly deposited her plate on the coffee table before taking Elliot's hand and leading him to the tiny bedroom where a queen size bed waited for the two of them.

They both stripped down to their underwear and then climbed into the bed. Naturally they moulded into each other's body like two puzzle pieces made to fit each other.

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**Next Chapter – Back to New York**


	25. Chapter 25

_**Yeah so enjoy.**_

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Olivia stood and watched as FBI movers took the boxes from her apartment. She had barely brought anything with her this time so most of the things were going to charity but there were something's she'd bought last time she had been here that she placed in boxes to take pack to New York. When George arrived to pick them up Olivia looked around the place she'd called home on two separate occasions and she knew she was never coming back here again.

"Let's go." Elliot told her softly and without thinking twice she slipped her hand into his and walked out.

The drive to the airport was in complete silence. Olivia kept her head on Elliot's shoulder and her hand intertwined with his until they arrived and had to separate.

"We've got you a privet plane to fly back, Porter and Cragen have already boarded." George said. "This way."

Olivia and Elliot followed George through a privet section of the airport and before they knew it they were boarding the plane.

Olivia kept her hand in Elliot's even as they walked onto the small privet FBI plane and made her way to the seats.

The plane only seated ten people and Olivia saw Dean and Don sitting right at the front and a part of her wanted to hide right in the back but she kept her head up and made her way to the front and sat opposite the Captain and Agent with Elliot sitting by her side.

"What's that?" Dean asked nodding his head to the white bear in Olivia's hand.

"It was a gift from Hope for Benson Junior." Olivia replied stroking her hand through the eco-friendly bear.

"You accept gifts from eco-terrorists now?" He questioned.

"Hope isn't a terrorist."

"You're in denial." Dean spat.

"No." She hissed back. "I'm done talking about her with you now, she's not a terrorist, she just got caught up in some bad stuff, it happens to the best of us Dean."

"Fine." He snapped. "Why do you keep calling our kid Benson junior, shouldn't it be Porter junior?" He asked slightly softer.

"No. I haven't decided yet whether or not he or she is taking on your surname."

"I thought that's a given considering I'm the father." Dean replied.

"Yes you are Dean but I'm the mother and if I want this baby to have my name then it's my name he or she will have." Olivia snapped.

"What so you're just going to make that decision yourself?" He asked angrily not caring that Don and Elliot were glaring at him.

"I haven't really thought very much about anything!" Olivia yelled. "I'll make decisions in my own time!"

"Drop it now Dean." Don said calmly, he didn't want Olivia upset on the plane back to New York.

As the plane lifted off Dean spotted the anxiety rise in Olivia, he wanted to reach out and help her but it wasn't his place and when Elliot wrapped an arm around her and she snuggled her head into his shoulders the agitated sigh that past his lips was heard by everyone and everyone ignored it.

"You're ok." Elliot cooed as Olivia stiffened when they went through some turbulence.

"I hate planes." Her voice muffled by Elliot's t-shirt.

"I know you do baby." He said kissing her head softly. "Won't be long now." He said. "Won't be long and we'll be back in New York, the sights and smells of the city, the bright yellow taxi cabs and angry pedestrians…" He continued to talk softly about New York and Olivia relaxed a lot more underneath his arm. He felt it, Don and Dean saw it and before they were even half way through the journey Elliot was going to tell her that he needed the bathroom and saw that she was asleep.

"That's the most relaxed I've ever seen her on a plane." Elliot smiled as he moved her in the seat gently.

Dean reached into the overhead compartment and pulled out a soft cotton blanket, his first thought was to drape it on Olivia and tuck it in himself but reluctantly he passed it to Elliot knowing it was his place to do it now.

"Thanks man." He said honestly as he placed Olivia's head beneath a travel pillow he had.

He then tucked her beneath the blanket and made his excuses for the bathroom.

"That was an honourable thing you did there." Don said when Dean sat back down and grabbed one of the orange juice bottles from the mini fridge.

"What was?" He asked surprised.

"Giving the blanket to Elliot instead of doing it yourself. You went to do it." Don said and Dean sighed softly.

"I still love her, she's carrying my child. Of course I went to do it but then I guess I remembered it wasn't my place to anymore." Dean sighed.

"Give her time and stop arguing against her and she'll come around, she's scared Porter why do you think she ran?" Don asked.

"I know." Dean sighed. "I don't want to but I know I'm subconsciously pushing her away."

"I know." Don nodded. "She wants to get away, I'm going to offer her a stay in my cabin for a couple of weeks, let her get a break and run away for a bit, she'll come back when she's ready to." Don explained and Dean nodded in agreement.

"Maybe it's what we both need, time to think through becoming parents without each other, I just don't want to miss out on anything with this pregnancy Don, I know she isn't my wife like she should have been by now and I know it won't be long till she has Elliot's ring on her finger and becomes his wife but it's still my child and I will always be with her now because of that."

"Then don't screw it up because if she gets scared she will run and she won't come back." Don warned and Dean nodded in agreement.

Elliot's return ended the conversation and they all returned to an awkward silence.

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Once back in New York they all made their way over to the one six. Olivia had to go to Federal Plaza at some point for her debriefing but she knew the second she was there she'd be questioned about her pregnancy and she wasn't ready for that yet so instead a trip to the one six was just what she needed. Dean stayed in the squad room with Fin, Munch, Nick and Amanda while Don, Elliot and Olivia went into the office. Even inside Olivia didn't let go of Elliot's hand, she didn't know why but right now she needed him close.

"So Olivia, you wanna tell me what on earth you were thinking when you ran off to Oregon without a word?" Don asked.

Olivia sighed, she knew the questions would come but she wanted time to prepare adequate answers.

"I told Dean." Olivia sighed. "I wasn't."

"That's your answer? You weren't thinking when you accepted a very dangerous undercover job in Oregon?"

"Final answer." Olivia shrugged. "And if you brought me in here just to yell at me I'll be leaving now, you're not my superior anymore but if you want a different agent assigned to SVU just let me know so I can clear out my office and put in a transfer."

Don stared at her in complete disbelief, it wasn't that she had pointed out he wasn't her superior anymore, she had every right to say that because it was true but what he was surprised at was her thinking that he wouldn't want her to be the agent assigned to them anymore.

"Olivia, I brought you in here to… Elliot would you mind giving us a moment?" Don knew it was better not to discuss this with Elliot around.

"Sure." He said and he kissed Olivia's head and slipped his hand from hers before hurrying out hoping that they wouldn't be long.

"Do you want to get away?" He asked softly.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked sitting down in a chair opposite his desk and wrapping her arms around the teddy bear she was yet to let go of.

"A holiday Liv? Do you want to go away on holiday alone for a little while?" Don explained.

"I don't know." Olivia shrugged. "I just… I can't think straight with Elliot and Dean hanging around me all the time."

"Then put a notice in at the bureau, you're allowed time off when you come from an undercover gig anyway so it's not like they can stop you, then I'll call up a favour from a friend have him set up my cabin, pull the dust covers off and put the air conditioning on and such, I'll put the details in the sat nav for you and you can take my range rover." Don told her.

"You don't…"

"I know I don't have to." He interrupted knowing exactly what it was she was about to say. "But I want to, you're not going to be thinking straight if you don't get some time away, now you can tell Dean and Elliot that you're going away and that you'll be in touch with them both when you're ready to and until then would they leave you alone. As long as you send me a text every day to let me know you're alright then

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That's exactly what she did. After her debriefing at Federal Plaza Olivia sent a message to Elliot and Dean saying she was going away and would be in touch. After packing a few of her things she then picked up the range rover and keys from Don, thanked him very much for helping her and was on the road before dinner time. She stopped along the way to pick up groceries and was at the Cabin by dusk.

As it was summer the air was still hot. When she carried her stuff inside she was relieved to find a cool breeze throughout the cabin.

Once she'd placed the groceries away and unpacked her case she explored the property. The Cabin was quite large. It had three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a large Kitchen/Diner, a living room, study, garage and indoor pool in the basement.

She went back to the kitchen and remembered Don telling her about the pool years before. As she cooked she wondered how long she would stay hidden, she'd told Dean and Elliot that Don knew where she was and that she would be in touch soon and she'd also been promised by Don he wouldn't tell anyone where it was she was hiding, he knew she needed time to get her head together.

For three days all she did was think and relax. She swam in the indoor pool, she enjoyed the spa in the bathroom, she bathed by the lake in the sunshine and most importantly wondered what on earth she was going to do about Elliot and Dean.

By the end of the third day Olivia felt lonely. She pondered calling Don for a chat but she had no idea what to say to him, he had spoken to her on day two just to find out if she was ok and told her about some places she could go while she was at the cabin and then he'd told her to just relax and take care of herself and the baby and that he'd see her back in Manhattan when she was ready.

After a while she picked up her cell phone and dialled the one number she thought she wouldn't while she was out here.

"Hey El."

Olivia?

"Yeah it's me." She smiled at hearing the relief in his voice.

Are you ok?

"Yeah I'm fine, I was wondering … if you'd come join me." She said awkwardly.

Why where are you?

"Cragen's cabin." Olivia replied.

Oh yeah, I should have known really I've been there before. Ok, I'm sure I can clear it with Don to come there.

"Ok. Thanks El." She smiled. "I miss you."

I miss you too Liv, God, I love you.

Olivia smiled happily.

"I love you too El." She said and he could hear the happiness in her voice.

I'll see you in a couple of hours ok?

"Sure thing, bye."

Bye.

Once she hung up the phone she relaxed back on the couch knowing she'd done the right thing in calling Elliot. She hoped they could work on their relationship without any interference for a couple of days.

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Back in New York Elliot had gone straight from home after packing to the one six to tell Don he was going to join Olivia.

"I should have known she'd call you." Don smiled when he said. "I can give you the rest of the week and the weekend Elliot but I need you back here on Monday."

"That's four days, that's not a problem." Elliot smiled back at him. "I just … I need to be with her."

"I know, and seeing as she called you and not vice versa my thoughts are she needs you too Elliot, she wouldn't have called you if she didn't and I'm more than happy to give you some time to go and be with her, just do me one favour and take care of her, she deserves to be loved."

"I will and I do love her Cap, more than she'll ever know." Elliot replied.

"If you love her half as much as she loves you then she'll know. Go on I'm sure you're leaving to be with her right now and my guess is she's impatiently waiting for you." Cragen laughed.

"Thanks again Cap, see you Monday." Elliot replied before hurrying off, he really needed to be with her now.

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**Next Chapter – Back to New York**


	26. Chapter 26

_**Yeah so enjoy.**_

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Olivia opened the door and dove into Elliot's arms. He held her close to him, feeling her heart beat beneath her tank top, the rise and fall of her breath and the curve of her back.

"I love you." She said firmly. "I need you to know that."

"I love you too Liv, God I love you more than you'll ever know." He replied the relief audible in his voice.

She crashed her lips onto his and they kissed passionately lasting minutes before they had to separate for air.

She pulled him inside and kicked the door shut as he scooped her up into his arms.

"God I missed you." He said as he lowered her onto the couch.

"I missed you too." She smiled. "But as much as I want to tear your clothes off El it isn't why I asked you to come up here, I've had a lot of time to think and we need to talk."

"I know, just kiss me again first?" He asked and her lips landed softly on his and he moaned gratefully.

Once she'd kissed him she made them both a drink and she sat down on the couch facing him. He could see it in her face that whatever it was she wanted to talk about was going to be difficult for her to say, what he didn't know and what bothered him the most is that he wasn't sure if it was going to bother him to hear.

"Dean…" Olivia started the stopped and Elliot took hold of her free hand to encourage her to continue. "He's always going to be in my life now El, there's… there's nothing I can do to change that no matter what but … I need you to understand that I'm … I'm happy he's going to still be in my life… I was ready to marry him El and I may not love him in the way I love you but… I'm always going to love him, before the baby… when you left… he rescued me El, he brought me back to life and gave me my life back because I was a mess without you, I missed you so much and I was dying just piece by piece and the year I had with him was… it was unlike any other and now… now I'm having his baby, mine and his, ours and … and so I love him for that too, he gave me the one thing I always wanted and that was a child of my own. If you want to back out… now's your chance El, I… I… I will always love you and I will never love anyone the way I love you but I'm… I'm not the woman I was when you left El and I don't know if you even know who I am anymore and I can't ask you to give up happiness with a new woman to be there to help me bring up my kid with Porter hanging around, he's going to be living in the same building, he's going to be over as often as he can to be with his kid and… and I can't stop that…" The tears fell the whole time she talked but when she finally broke out into a sob Elliot pulled her into his arms.

"I'm going nowhere." He said firmly. "Life… it's always going to be difficult, especially for us but I am not going anywhere, I have waited long enough to be with you and now that I have the chance I am not letting you go, I am going to love that baby like I love my own kids Liv, and so what if Porter's in the picture, maybe by the time you give birth he and I can be friends, who knows? But what I do know is that seven months from now when you give birth I will be there and in nineteen years when you wave him or her off to college I will still be there, I promise you Liv… marry me?"

Olivia chocked on her own sob and pulled away in shock.

"I… I… I'm sorry I…"

She quietened him with her finger.

"You want to marry me?" She asked her eyebrows raised to the ceiling.

"Yeah. More than anything Olivia, I love you, I am in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and… and Porter I guess it's a bit of a package… but if it's too soon I'll wait, heck I'm planning a long engagement anyway…."

"Yes." She said and it was Elliot's turn to look in complete shock.

"Yes Elliot I'll marry you!" She smiled before wrapping herself up in his arms and within minutes they were naked making sweet love.

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Four days later Olivia and Elliot walked hand in hand into the one six. She wore a nice gold band with an amethyst love heart in the centre surrounded by tiny white diamonds, it was stunning and not a single soul who glanced at her hand would miss it.

It had been bought in a little antique shop on the route home from the cabin and Elliot saw Olivia looking at it and had snatched it up as soon as she was distracted.

Dean Porter had spoken to them the previous evening when they arrived back. Mainly he wanted to know how Olivia and his unborn child were doing and when her next doctor's appointment was. They all discussed their plans from now until the birth of Olivia's child amicably with barely any need for raised voices and they'd also began discussing custody issues, explaining to Elliot what they had agreed to when Olivia had come home from hospital. For now everyone was happy.

"Olivia! Elliot! Good to see you!" Don smiled as they entered the office.

Olivia was back in her feds style suit ready to work and Elliot in his typical work suit, Don could see that whatever had happened between them was good.

"We just have a couple of issues to discuss and then I'll head over to federal plaza and get some of that Oregon paper work out of the way." Olivia smiled her hand still clamped in Elliot's.

"Of course, do you wanna sit?" Don asked hoping that whatever the 'issues' were that it came with good news and not bad.

"No it won't take a moment." Olivia smiled. "El you wanna…"

"I've asked Liv to marry me and she said yes!" He beamed excitedly before Olivia could even finish offering him to tell their news.

"Wow that's… that's amazing!" Don smiled as Olivia held out her hand. "That ring is beautiful. Very unique too." Don smiled.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled leaning just a little further into Elliot's shoulder.

"I also need to request a change of address form, I'm moving into Liv's slowly this week." Elliot said and Don just smiled and nodded, everything was turning out how it was supposed to.

"The last thing we've discussed is that now we're together I will still be partnered with Nick Amaro on majority of cases for now until we can get back in sync, El and I haven't worked together properly since I went federal so I want no conflict of interest crap arising in any of our cases, we've discussed it all and we know what we're doing." Olivia smiled and Elliot nodded in agreement, it had been his idea, he didn't want to ruin this new and beautiful relationship by stepping on her toes at work, it was only temporary however because Olivia and he had plans, big plans.

"That I can do." Don smiled. "Congratulations both of you."

He embraced Olivia and shook Elliot's hand.

"Now you need to tell your co-workers before you disappear off to FP Liv." Don smiled and Olivia nodded in complete agreement, she didn't want to share her happiness with anyone more than her family.

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Once back at her office in Federal Plaza Olivia began to clean up the mess she had left when she rushed off to Oregon. She quickly pulled down the majority of pictures of her and Dean putting them to one side so that she could put them away till her child was older, he or she would need to know that Mommy and Daddy loved each other very much once upon a time.

She left one picture up though, knowing that neither Elliot nor Dean would mind but it was a very natural one of them taken during that photoshoot at the park and she wanted it to be a reminder of the love she had. She would always love Dean because of everything he did for her, she wouldn't be the person she was now had it not been for him and she was grateful and loved him very much for that.

She added some old pictures of herself and Elliot and some new ones that she'd gotten printed as soon as they had hit the stores after leaving the cabin, Elliot had been known for carrying a camera to capture those Kodak moments with his children and he'd carried the habit on into his relationship with Olivia.

Once she was happy she went through her inbox on her desk, her emails and checked her messages. It took hours returning missed calls, sending replies and typing up letters and when lunch time finally rolled around she was exhausted.

A knock on the door had her groaning, she just wanted to make her way over to the one six and catch a break or a case with them.

"Come in." She called.

Dean entered with a smile which she returned. It wasn't the same as the old times when he would smile and she could read the love pouring from his eyes but what she saw now made her happy, it was friendship.

"Thought you might be hungry, I know how hard it can be coming back from an undercover job." Dean smiled placing a brown paper bag on her desk.

"Dean you didn't…"

"I know." He replied stopping her with his hand. "I know I didn't have too but there is no rule that says I can't buy my ex fiancé now friend pregnant with my child a sandwich and drink."

She laughed softly, that was true, she knew he would be looking out for her when he knew she was at FP because she was carrying his child and no matter what happened between them that would never change.

"Thanks." She smiled as he peered around the pictures on her office wall.

"You kept this one?" He asked and Olivia walked over to join him not wanting to call it from her desk.

"You're the father of my child Dean, I was more than ready to marry you, I want him or her to know that I loved you in that way once, that this child was no mistake because once upon a time we were trying for a baby and ok? Maybe we didn't stay together and then later found out I was expecting but I don't think it would have changed anything had I known on our wedding day." Olivia explained. "I am sorry for everything that happened Dean, I really am."

"I know, I'll always have a special place for you in my heart." He smiled taking her hand and placing it on his chest.

She looked up at him with sad eyes but managed a weak smile.

"Likewise Porter." She grinned.

"Oh so it's Porter now is it Benson?" He asked dropping her hand and folding his arms across his chest faking hurt but the smirk on his face showed he was anything but.

"Go on get out of here." She teased. "By the way Doctor's appointment is in four weeks, I'll text you the date." She told him as he headed for the door.

"I wouldn't miss it." He smiled.

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**Next Chapter – A big jump in time!**


	27. Chapter 27

_**Yeah so enjoy.**_

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"I am so fat." Olivia groaned as she waddled down the corridor of the one six with Elliot, she was now officially on maternity leave but she couldn't stay away and found herself still a frequent visitor and advisor on cases at SVU.

"You're not fat baby you're seven and a half months pregnant what did you expect?" Elliot teased as he helped her into her desk chair which she begrudged.

She hated feeling so useless but she never let it verbally known, everyone however, could see it.

"Liv what are you doing here, you're about ready to pop and you're hanging out here?" Don questioned.

"I'm bored of the four walls of our apartment and being unable to do anything. At least here I get to be a pain in your ass, help on cases, listen to Munch's conspiracies which I didn't even realised I missed until I was gone and Fin's gangster ways and Nick… my partner in crime who is just as bored because he's practically benched without a partner so he's keeping me good company and then there's that soon to be husband of mine who I miss whenever he's more than five feet away anyway so that doesn't count… just please don't grass me up to Por…" She was cut off by the shrill ring of her phone.

"Benson." She answered without looking at the caller ID, she expected it to be Melinda, Alex or Casey asking her if she wanted anything particular they'd spotted for the baby like they had been since she was three months along.

_Special Agent Benson, I was asked to give you this urgent message, Special Agent Dean Porter has gone under, it shouldn't take more than a few days, he said to say he loves you and Rookie Agent and says he will see you as soon as he's back..._

The line went dead and Olivia's face had obviously turned a sickly shade of white.

"Liv? Livia what's wrong?" Elliot asked hurrying to her side.

"Dean… oh my God… he's… he's under." She hiccupped, he'd been as much of a rock to her as Elliot had been and she knew she needed both of them to make it through the last six weeks of her pregnancy.

"That son of a bitch." Don snapped as Elliot calmed Olivia down.

"I need… get me to FP." She said using Elliot to pull herself to standing.

"Liv what did they say?" Elliot asked, he was taking her nowhere unless he knew what had been said.

"Just that he had gone under, shouldn't take more than a few days and that he loved me and the baby." Olivia explained. "He's gone… what about our child?"

"Few days Liv, maybe a week… you've got six weeks to go, don't panic."

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Olivia had every right to panic. As her due date came and went there was no sign of Dean Porter, no one had contacted her about him since the fateful phone call at the one six and she knew it was crazy but she was missing him. She may have been in love and marrying Elliot but Dean was an important aspect of her life that she couldn't manage without and she was scared shitless that he would miss the birth of their child who was already so loved not only by the parents but by Elliot too.

"Liv relax, maybe rookie agent is holding on till Daddy's back." Elliot said, he was off work now with Olivia passed her due date.

"I need him here El, I don't want to have to tell our kid that his father missed his birth because he went undercover six weeks before he was due… he would resent Dean for that… take me to FP El, please?" She was pleading and Elliot, even though he found it tough sometimes that she wanted Dean there he also understood her reasons and wasn't going to deny them anything.

"Come on then." Elliot sighed, he'd managed to keep her from there for six weeks but he knew now with rookie a few days or hours away from showing up she wanted his or her father there too.

On the drive over Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She had the worst back ache and she was wishing now that Dean was here and that rookie would finally make his or her appearance, she was sick and tired of being pregnant.

At Federal Plaza Olivia received plenty of greetings and good lucks but she barely paid attention as she found herself in the elevator on her way to Dean's directors office.

Unexpectedly they bumped into George Huang along the way.

"Olivia? What are you doing here? Are you out of your mind?" He asked her in one quick breath.

"Clearly." She shrugged. "I need him home now George… he can't miss this… I'm already three days overdue." She said the tears stinging her eyes and Elliot pulled her into him and kissed her forehead lightly, he would kill Dean Porter himself if he wasn't here on time, they had devised the birthing plan to suit both of them and Olivia had been memorising it for so long and now all of it would go to ruins if Dean didn't make it home.

"Come on I'll come down with you." George smiled knowing she needed the additional moral support, plus he didn't like the small flash of pain he'd seen on his friend's face, it wasn't emotional it was most definitely physical.

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"Where is he?" Olivia snapped slamming her hands down on the desk.

"I can't…"

"I don't give a fuck about policy and procedure right now…he is going to miss the birth of his child if he isn't home soon and I can promise you that I will never forgive him nor the bureau if that happens… do you want to explain to my director why I walked out on a job I was good at?" She hissed angrily, she was in agony but she wasn't going to let it show, she was too pissed.

"Agent Benson, I know this is hard for you…"

"No you don't!" She snapped. "If you knew what it was like to be a forty week pregnant woman three days over her due date then you wouldn't be denying the father… Ohhhh!" She clutched her stomach as pain tore through her.

"I knew it." Huang sighed going over to Olivia.

"What do you mean you knew?" Elliot asked.

"Could tell the labour had started when she was talking to me earlier, I had no idea how long it had been going on for though, can go on for days before labour actually starts." George explained.

"Oh my god." Olivia gasped clutching hard onto George's arm.

"What is it?" George asked.

"My water just broke… why now?" She cursed, why had she thought it was a good idea to go over to FP.

"We need to get her to hospital." George said.

"I have the Sedan, we'll take her lights and sirens much quicker than waiting for a bus." Elliot told George.

"Find Dean!" She yelled as she was led out the door, she needed him to be there for their baby.

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**Next Chapter – Will Dean make it? Will he not? Who the hell knows!**


	28. Chapter 28

_**Yeah so enjoy.**_

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"Where is he?" Olivia screamed as another contraction tore through her body, it had been sixteen hours since her waters broke and she was desperate for the baby to arrive now.

"They said he's on his way Olivia, he'll be here." Elliot reassured as he slowly rubbed circles on her back where she was sitting back on her heels, the position she'd found most comfortable.

"I'm sorry El…" She hiccupped. "If I ever do this again I'll need no one but you… but…"

"I know Liv, I understand you don't need to explain yourself to me." Elliot replied.

He should have had a lot of resentment that Olivia wanted Dean there as much as she did but he didn't, none at all, he'd been to all the birthing classes and the hospital appointments, he'd not missed anything but the last six weeks and it had pissed Elliot off, this was his child and he was nowhere to be found.

"Ok Olivia let's see if you're ready." The Doctor replied coming in again.

Elliot helped Olivia turn onto her back and she parted her legs for the Doctor to check her over.

"We're there…"

"Ahhh" Olivia cried through another contraction they were only a minute apart and extremely painful.

The Doctor suddenly wasn't the only person in the room, the team who would deliver Olivia's baby was and she was nervous and scared now.

She grasped hold of Elliot's hand as the process began. Just as she pushed for the first time the door flew open and Dean Porter came in like a whirlwind.

"Where the fuck have you been?" She grunted as he rushed around to the side of the bed opposite Elliot and took her hand.

"I'm sorry, we had to do this bust, it happened first thing this morning and as we were clearing up my director told me you'd gone to labour, I'm so sorry, this case wasn't supposed to take this long." He explained as he brushed her sweat filled hair from her forehead.

"Ugh you're here now…" She groaned through a contraction.

"Push Olivia." The Doctor called and she did, with both her men beside her she pushed with all her might.

"Ahhh this is all your fault Dean…" She cried and he chuckled softly and received a smile from Elliot who had warned him about all the during labour language Olivia was going to use.

"That's it relax." The Doctor said and she took a few deep breaths.

Dean took his roll of rubbing circles on the top of Olivia's swollen belly while Elliot kissed her hand and whispered sweet words of encouragement.

"Get read Olivia…"

"OH fuck." She groaned as she took a deep breath.

"Push…"

"I hate you Dean…" She grunted through her pushing and Dean just smiled and stroked her belly softly as he held her hand with his other.

"Just one more Olivia… push…"

"Ahhh !" She yelled through the pushing.

"Daddy come cut the cord." She heard as she collapsed back into the pillow knowing her baby was here.

Dean didn't hesitate in cutting the cord then rushing back to Olivia's side as the baby was wiped down.

"We've got a little girl Olivia, our little girl is here. She's so perfect, she's so beautiful." Dean told her as he stroked the sweat from her brow and kissed her cheek, it was intimate because they'd just had a baby together.

"I'll go tell everyone she's here." Elliot said and Olivia kissed him hard on the lips.

"I love you." She said.

"I love you too, you did so well Liv." He smiled as the baby girl was put on Olivia's chest he left the room to tell their friends and family that Olivia and Dean's baby had arrived.

"Hey… hey baby girl… oh … hey…" Olivia smiled through the tears that tumbled down her face.

As she stroked her baby's naked back and Dean ran his finger through his daughter's dark hair they shared a smile, it didn't matter that their relationship didn't turn out the way it should have, they had made something special and would be a part of each other's lives for a long time to come.

"Ok we just need to wash and weigh her now Olivia, we won't be long." The doctor said taking the baby and Olivia nodded and let them move her.

"We need a name." Olivia said to Dean.

"Sienna?" Dean smiled, he remembered Olivia liked that name.

"Sienna Alice Porter." Olivia smiled remembering that Dean's Mom's name was Alice.

"Really?" He asked hearing Olivia using his surname and his mother's name.

"Yeah." She nodded with tear filled eyes.

"Our little girl Liv, Sienna Alice Porter. Our little miracle." He grinned and Olivia dropped her head to his and had a little cry.

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Once everything was sorted in Olivia's room she and Dean allowed their friends and family into their room to meet their daughter.

"Look everyone." Dean smiled from where he sat beside Olivia who was holding Sienna.

"Oh she's beautiful." They heard but they weren't sure who said it.

"What's her name?" Don asked passing over the blanket Olivia had bought for her daughter.

"Sienna Alice Porter." They said together.

"Look Sienna this is your family." Olivia smiled from her place on the bed.

Elliot went back over and shook Dean's hand and they both shared a smile together and then Elliot kissed his fiancé and kissed the head of his soon to be stepdaughter, everything was good with them for now.

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Once back at home everything was good for a while. With Olivia off she stayed at home with Sienna while both Dean and Elliot worked. During the evening Dean would come down to give Sienna her last feed before helping Olivia bathe her and put her down for the night, he'd then have a beer with Elliot then go home leaving Elliot and Olivia alone.

It was near perfect. Dean did miss out on the night feeds but Elliot and Olivia had their own system and it obviously worked, things worked for them and Sienna was lucky, she had two daddy's who loved her very much.

As the days turned into weeks it was soon time for Olivia to return to work and that meant every other weekend Dean would have Sienna all to himself.

It worked for them. None of them knew for how long it would work but it did for now and that's what mattered, there was no stupid animosity between Elliot and Dean even when the wedding came closer and plans of having more children were discussed between Olivia and Elliot, Dean was no longer in that circle, the only connection he had now to Olivia was Sienna and that's what he had to settle for.

"Hey Liv new case?" Elliot asked seeing his fiancé walk into the one six.

"Nope just had a fight with Dean and needed to get out of Federal Plaza before I shot him." She explained sitting down at her one six desk.

"Uh-oh why?" He asked knowing that everything had been going well.

"Our honeymoon is two weeks right, we were planning on taking Sienna? Well not going to happen according to Dean, he said if I didn't let him have Sienna for the two weeks we're away he'll take me to court for custody and I've already called a lawyer just in case he tries something while we're away but Sienna is with me every week, he get's her every other weekends and in the evenings with us… I can't go through life with him threatening a custody fight every time I do something he doesn't agree with." She groaned.

"Liv, if… I know it isn't my place…"

"Will you stop saying that El, when I comes to Sienna it is your place, she's as much your daughter as she is Porter's every decision we make regarding he involves you."

"Ok… after we're married maybe you should go through the court for custody… they always go in favour of the mother and the fact that you'd be married would just add to your chances, get a proper agreement through the court and then he can't threaten you with it anymore.

And that's what they did. After the honeymoon Mr and Mrs Stabler went to court vs Mr Porter in the case of custody of Sienna Alice Porter.

Olivia and Elliot won in one way when joint custody was granted, Dean was given every other weekend just as they'd agreed previously but he lost any right he had of coming over to tuck his daughter into bed and share dinner with them but Olivia wasn't cold hearted and set it up that Tuesday's and Thursday's Dean came over for dinner and still got the chance to tuck his daughter in and he could no longer threaten Olivia with court.

A few weeks before Sienna's first birthday Olivia and Elliot shared the news that she was pregnant again and they celebrated that their family would expand… right now, everything was just right.

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**THE END!**


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